The Loss of a Friend...

Hi USM, it has been a very long time since I have posted anything here. I find myself coming back to check on everyone once in a while, but life has become so busy I rarely have time to sit down with my own thoughts anymore and write like I used to. I find myself back here at a very sad time for me- and I am so glad to have this little corner of the interenet that is a safe haven for me to come and express my emotions and feelings. I am a private person, and I express who I am in writing quite often, it's nice to come here among friends, away from my every day realities, and just... write.

I recently found out a very good friend of mine passed away suddenly this past week. It's been a week since the news and I still cannot shake the shock of knowing this person is gone... this is 15 years of memories and growing up that have suddenly just come to an end. I am truly heartbroken. My husband, my family... all of us were very close to him and we will forever miss him. I haven't been able to get my feelings out, I tend to bottle them up trying to be so strong... but I am not okay. This is not okay. I appreciate being able to write to whoever is reading, to know someone can understand or relate to my pain. The service is in a few days and I am preparing myself for it... I have been to over 11 funerals since my mother passed away when I was 10 years old, her funeral being the first. It keeps getting harder and harder to say goodbye and to keep going. The anniversary of my mom passing is also this weekend, and it makes my emotions even more unstable. I received a phone call from my cousin yesterday, it was so good to have someone call me for once and ask how I was, to just talk... I have been trying to reach out but very few seem to notice, I am so grateful for family like him. I am usually the strong one, but I cannot carry the world on my shoulders, I need help and very few answer the call, for those who did, thank you.

It's incredibly tragic when someone so young passes, they had there whole life ahead of them. You replay in your mind all those memories, had you know that would be your last... This weekend is also 21 years my mom will be gone. Time does not heal, it gets harder, and you learn to cope, but that is the truth. The more you go through life and love, the more pain and suffering you will acquire; but it is worth it. I am so thankful for the memories and time I had with those who have passed on. I just needed a place to write my thoughts and to feel safe, thank you for being there for me USM. 

<3 until we meet again, I will carry you all in my heart, I will not give up- I promise.

God Bless 

We are forever transformed when it comes to love, friendship and goodbyes.

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