An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me." "Why not?" he asked. She answered, "Because I'm dead."
The husband asked…"What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!" She said, "No, I'm definitely dead." He insisted, "You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
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Remember... Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.
...If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan... Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.
I always know... God won't give me more than I can handle There are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff
If the shoe fits... buy a pair in every color.
Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Bills travel through the mail...
at twice the speed of checks.
If you look like your passport picture... you probably need the trip.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!
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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
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