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Date: 2/22/2022 6:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
This post has really moved me. So much so, that I want to be a partner, silent that is. Any donations made to this Ready- Set -Grift account will receive one free pass inside Crazy Larry’s Bouncy Castle, courtesy of Crazy Larry’s House of Inflatable Ballon Men. Our motto is, “We’re Always Here To Help. Ourselves That Is.”  |
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Date: 2/22/2022 7:49:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I can only imagine how moved you were when you saw an opportunity to bust out your pocket-emptying, change siphoning bouncy castle. You must have been close to tears - of joy. How much does the twerking inflatable cost to rent on a daily basis? I know this guy in Arkansas...  |
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Date: 2/23/2022 3:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
I that guy in Arkansas too. I can get you a discount, but first, you’ll need to send my your bank account so I can begin the siphoning process……. |
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Date: 2/23/2022 4:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Bodiless, unintelligible, voice---Qu--ic--k-! D--is-ab--le t--hat pie--c--e of eq--ui--pm--e--nt! So--meb--od--y pl--eas--e c--all a pl--umb--e--r! I--t sm--e--lls in he--re! "L.D."---It was your cousin Christine. She had to make an "emergency stop," on her way home, after pigging out at the "taco truck." When she came out, she says, "I emptied that nasty ashtray, into the toilet, while I was in there." Bodiless, unintelligible, voice---U--GH-!  |
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Date: 2/23/2022 8:07:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...L.D. I think it's only fair that you give Christine a call and get her back to fish poor Kronk out of there. Get the siphoning hose ready for her. |
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Date: 2/24/2022 5:58:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
"L.D."---OMG! Smells awful in here! I hate to see Christine come around. That girl is just nasty. She always wants to use our toilet, but she never flushes. OK, here goes! Down the pipe! Bodiless, unintelligible voice--- N---OOOOOOO !!!! "L.D."----I think that now is the perfect time for you and I "re-negotiate" my daily meat ration. Bodiless, unintelligible, voice---UG--H! |
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Date: 2/24/2022 10:23:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...KRONK! KRONK! CAN YOU HEAR ME??? I'm beginning to get the feeling that L.D. doesn't have your continued wellbeing in mind. Perhaps I can help. I've been doing some investigating into your case (on my own time) and have discovered something of a very curious nature. There seems to be a consensus that all of your woes began somewhere around 66 million years ago. The only known historical event happening 66 million years ago was that of the Chicxulub meteorite crashing into the Earth in what today is the Yucatán peninsula in Mexico, ending the reign of dinosaurs and writing finis to the Cretaceous period. You live near the Gulf of Mexico, right? My theory is that this meteorite may have somehow formed a periodic rift in the space-time continuum, opening a totally unpredictable wormhole that has given the two of you the ability to become immortal and travel through time without noticeable side-effects. Only, this time, something went terribly wrong and you have been trapped between dimensions. Studies from experts from around the world seem to implicate that this meteor struck sometime in the spring. This is our start point. Perhaps the wormhole will reopen in the spring? If so, that is great news for you! Only 24 more days until the beginning of spring and, at the outside, 117 days until summer comes along. Hang in there buddy! You can do it. |
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Date: 2/24/2022 10:34:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I forgot to mention... be sure to have your bags all packed and ready to go on April 16, May 16, and June 14. These are the dates that the moon will be in a full phase. Any chance you can bring me a souvenir ashtray from wherever you are? Have you met General Zod out there in the Phantom Zone? Can you get me an autograph? |
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Date: 2/24/2022 10:41:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...curiosity is getting the better of me. When you land in a different time, do you mumble "Oh Boy" and is L.D. really the Dean Stockwell of dogs? If so, can I get his autograph too? HOLD ON L.D., HOLD ON. Okay, here's your steak. Good boy! |
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Date: 2/24/2022 10:51:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I know Kronk. It looks like I'm sucking up to the dog but what if he is some kind of wizard or spiteful little little demon? I have to think of myself here too if we're going to get you out of this. |
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Date: 2/24/2022 12:35:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...L.D... I have a question...Is Christine in any kind of a relationship right now? A/S/L? I'd prefer the truth please. |
Date: 2/24/2022 6:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler  I hear you, brother!.....WHAT?...Hey, I do hear you! Far out! I "am" back and without that awful speech impediment, too "L.D." Ugh! and, three weeks early, at that. Pray tell, how "did" we manage that? kronk---Lemme' tell you, dog. Stuck in that bowl, with Christine's "toxic taco" waste matter and unable to communicate effectively, I had just about given up hope. And then, and then....Hekler's call, coming in so strong and heartfelt, out of the void, at precisely 1023 A.M. during the waning crescent moonset...Anyway, the odds against that happening precisely when it did, were approximately "three billion and thirty two thousand to one" and the "powers that be," were forced to let me off three weeks early. Isn't that WILD? "L.D."---Yes it is. So, lucky you, for sure. Do you have anything else? It's getting late and past time for my de-worming medicine. Do you have anything else to say? kronk---Hekler! "You brought me back. Your love brought me back." (Excalibur; Spirit Merlin to Arthur)....Thanks, so much! (I need to get hold of Hey Larry. I "need" the "Miley Cyrus" model.) "L.D."---Ugh! |
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Date: 2/24/2022 8:50:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...KRONK!!~! Good to see you back in one piece guy! We were all holding our breaths (and not just because of Christine and her pervasive odor), keeping the hope alive that you would one day be delivered back to us safely and without too much residual scent. Keep your eye on Hey Larry - I think that he and L.D. may be in cahoots and that can only mean one thing. Hey Larry has once again eaten all of his Milk Bones and is scrambling to find a new source. Did you ever receive the sample pack of Bill Gates Total Mind Control® Dog de-wormer medicines that I sent? Give it a try on L.D. and maybe give Hey Larry a dose too, if you can catch him. Be careful though! He bites and I think he has a touch of dog flu. He sneezes a bit but the worrying part is that he starts riding your leg. Keep a rolled-up newspaper handy just in case. |
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Date: 2/25/2022 2:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler "L.D." here: Yes, kronk is back amongst "the solid," again. Thanks. (I think.) Anyway, ever since he returned, I have been slaving like an Alaskan husky on a uphill grade. I have industrial grade "fragrance diffusers" plugged into every electrical outlet in the house and, at the moment, am bathing "stinky" with a 50/50 blend of apple cider vinegar and liquid lye soap. kronk---OUCH! Hey, take it easy, will ya! What are you trying to do, skin me? Does that brush have metal bristles? "L.D."---Be quiet, or I'll get the cattle prod! |
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Date: 3/8/2022 6:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler I think the little mugger must've intercepted the package with your "Gates's total dog-de-wormer and mind control" drug and slipped some in my "smothered pork stomach." He sent me to the market and made me buy thirty-seven pounds of cow spleen and I thanked him for the privilege. "L.D."---Yes, you should be grateful that I let you sleep in the house. Now, go get my slippers. kronk---Yes, sir! Right away, sir! "L.D."---Hekler Send me another three months supply of "that" stuff. Please send it to "Chistine's" address. I'll pick it up there. |
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