A WORD OF TESTIMONY, AN ADMISSION OF GUILT ... PAM

As most of you know, I am doing a series on spiritual warfare. I'm just over halfway done and I just did the post called "THE ROAD TO VICTORY". In this post, I remembered a time in my life which I have not talked about here at USM. I am ashamed of it but if it would help others to know that they are not the only ones who fall into temptation, it would be worth telling. How I overcame this was really a GREAT demonstration of how powerful God is and how much satan really does come after us. It PROVES that we MUST PRESENT our bodies each and every day to God as a living sacrifice. (Romans 12:1)

Twelve years ago, when I had been married for a few years, I ran into a time of temptation SO GREAT that I almost completely lost my marriage and everything. What I did not realize is that satan was SETTING ME UP for this for a very long time. A man at our church had been paying lots of attention to me for many months. He would stare at me during the services and would make his way STRAIGHT to me when it was time to shake hands. For a long time, I was really dumb about it and thought it was my imagination. This man was divorced and was tall, dark and handsome. I have a good husband and I love him but when this kind of thing presented itself about the time that my husband and I were having really bad marital problems, it became a temptation for me.

satan is really GOOD at making your situation seem even worse than it is. You can count on satan to set you up with not only the temptation but a reason to believe it would be justified to do wrong. This was my case. Once I realized this man was really intersted in me and I thought about how things might be better without the problems I was having in my marriage, I began to be drawn in. I thought maybe I could just fantisize about this thing and just "flirt" with disaster. After all, it was a GREAT ego boost for me.

Once I got so far drawn into this temptation and I realized that this was going to become an affair, I got desperate and decided to get out. I just knew I could not go through with it. I tried praying for God to deliever me but I found that satan had too strong of a grip on me at this point to release me just by prayer. I don't know if this was because I wasn't totally sincere and one part of me wanted to hang on or what but I just know that I was not helped much just from praying for God to take away the temptation.

I had NEVER even kissed this man but I found myself in a situation where I was consumed by feeling I wanted to be with him in a physical way. I felt myself slowly but surely loosing control over myself and I knew it would not be long until I completely gave in and went through with this affair. I finally BROKE one day under the weight of conviction as I wrestled with the powers of light and darkness. I decided there was one way I could get complete victory over this if I would be willing to do it. I fell on my face before God and said "God, I cannot do this sin!" "I can't stand to fail you and disappoint you in this way!" "Please take my life if I ever before I ever succeed in committing this kind of sin against you!" God knew I meant that with all my heart, and I knew God would take me up on what I had said. The weight of desire to sin was IMMEDIATELY lifted. It was GONE in an instant. My stronghold had been broken... I changed churches so that I would not see this man and be tempted again. I believe that was also the right thing to do...

I hope you all do not think less of me because I have told you this. I just want you to understand who we are fighting here. It was not really my husbands fault, nor this other mans fault. satan is the one who set all this up. I hope this can make you realize how he sets us ALL up for disaster and how he wants to ruin our lives.

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