Attempt

Standing nervously, shaking,
My feelings are real; I am not faking
Staring into nothingness,
It's pointed at my head;
I feel like a sad story I've read.

Do I really wish I were dead?
Thoughts of anger seem to linger
Knowing now my finger is on the trigger.
Freedom and thoughts of a fairy-like land,
I smile, knowing my life is in my hand.

Shaking so hard I can barely stand,
Regrets of things I have not said.
Will I hurt just myself
Or will my bull-like behavior
Hurt my loved ones?

I've always been afraid of guns.
Shivering, quivering, filled with confusion,
Not knowing if I am ready,
Not holding the weapon steady,
My heart is beating so fast.

Will my heart soon cease to beat?
Quivering, I feel like a feather; I feel faint.
I hear a bang, then immense pain...
I awaken to see my life not taken:
The shot missed me, and I can clearly see
I pain I felt
It was inside of me.