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Hey Larry’s JOTW #180

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(3/30/2024 4:41:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (158 times)

A Pastor at a local church needed to raise money for building repairs and expansion. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several boxes of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

At the next sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the money for the church.

Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles, but he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louis stuttered badly, but not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul the pastor said, "Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church and $280 I collected." The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister said to Louie, "Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles this week?"

Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Paul interrupted "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-youj-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 3/30/2024 5:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...you sh-sh-should read this:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stop-making-fun-of-people-who-stutter_b_10069390

  
Date: 3/30/2024 6:15:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Here’s an interesting article that you definitely should read:

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/sense-of-humor/
  
Date: 3/30/2024 6:16:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBzJGckMYO4  
Date: 3/30/2024 6:21:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I suppose I should’ve used a person who has a bad case of hiccups instead.  
Date: 3/30/2024 9:41:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...now you're making light of the life-threatening hiccups I get on occasion?
Can the bar go any lower?

  
Date: 3/30/2024 9:48:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I checked the "How to Effortlessly Develop a Sense of Humor" link you mentioned
and I'm glad to see that you have finally resorted to seeking outside help.

  
Date: 3/30/2024 10:18:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    You could, make that SHOULD, wear a large brown bag over your head and take very long and deep breaths. Another sure fire method would be to sneak up on yourself when using the bathroom mirror. Make sure it isn't cracked already.  
Date: 3/30/2024 10:20:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Yes, the " How To Annoy Your Neighbor In The Great White North Article " has really helped.  
Date: 3/30/2024 12:34:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    I once caught a case of hiccups that lasted for 89 hours.

"L.D."---No!

kronk---Yes, dog. I ain't lying. I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I couldn't sleep; It was rough, I tell you. So, I paid fifteen dollars to this dude who said he was like, a shaman, or something. He knew someone who worked at the zoo and for ten dollars, would let me, after hours. So, I did it, dog. "They" put me in a cage with a 275 lb "Rocky Mountain Bighorn Ram" and told me to go head to head with the sheep. So I did it.

"L.D."---Really? That cured your hiccups?

kronk---Sure did, dog. I came out of the coma three weeks later and haven't even thought about hiccuping, since.

"L.D."---Well, that explains a lot.

kronk---Ugh?
  
Date: 3/30/2024 1:15:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    What did the Bighorn Ram look like after that?  
Date: 3/30/2024 3:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry "L.D." here: The big horn ram was fine, after the encounter. Kronk pawed the ground a couple of times, then lowered his head and charged the sheep. The ram just held his ground, absorbed the blow, watched kronk collapse, and resumed chewing its cud. When kronk finally regained consciousness, "they" fined him $2,000. for breaking, entering, and assaulting the animal.

kronk---I want one of those strawberry coo pops!

"L.D."---He's doing a little better, but progress is slow.
  
Date: 3/31/2024 6:31:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940      

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