|
|
|
|
|
 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
| |||||||||||||||
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:19:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Well? "L.D."---Definitely a "side spitter." kronk---Where you going? Hey! "L.D."---"It" hit me, all of a sudden! kronk---How about going outside. "It" hit me all of a sdden, too. "L.D."---"You" go outside! It hit me first! kronk---Ugh!  |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:33:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...what was Andy in for?  |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...I thought it was hilarious. Probably the best JOTW to date. The bar wasn't very high. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...This JOTW was so good, I just told it to a guy in the men's room and he thought it was so funny, I wet his pants. |
Date: 10/7/2023 5:44:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Hey guys, while you’re out there would you be kind enough to see if Hekler’s alien friends are lurking around the neighborhood?  |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:45:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Andy was in for impersonating a poet. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:46:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
High praise from a low brow personality. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:47:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
They have medicine for that. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...medicine??? You mean there's a chance I'll be able to write my name in the snow once again? Thanks Hey Larry! How did you even know about that? |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
The Klingons shared their knowledge with us on the last visit. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 6:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...sounds like a sticky situation... |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 8:33:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Even Lt.Commander Worf found that comment woefully disrespectful. Hope you have a Klingon battle axe because he’s about to pay you a visit. |
Date: 10/7/2023 11:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 55251
Hey Larry is telling prison jokes now. I always knew he did time behind bars... and not just the ones that serve alcohol!    |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 1:14:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I was framed. Speaking of which: A cow and a chicken were framed And thrown into prison. They knew they had to get out to bring the criminals to justice so they spent weeks designing escape plans. Finally, a month after they had been thrown in, they escaped in the middle of the night. However, they weren't silent enough and they had to flee from the prison guards. They led them on a desperate chase through the country, over hills and fields. Finally they came to a road. "This is it," said the cow. "Once we're on the other side we'll be across the border and free from the guards". The chicken looks sadly at the road and replies "You go on ahead" The cow stares at him, aghast that he was giving up his plans so quickly. "Why are you giving up now after all the time we've spent planning?" The chicken replied, "If I cross that road, they'll never stop asking questions.” |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Morphix...behind bars, below bars, kicked out of bars - Hey Larry has seen it all man. Usually from floor level and in puddles of suspicious origin. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 5:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...that chicken joke should be printed on a card and given to people suffering bulimia. It may prove useful in some way or other. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 8:07:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
That chicken joke is number #86. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 8:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
Where did the term 86 come from? The exact origin of the term 86 is unknown, but there are a number of theories. Early 1900s restaurants. The most likely explanation for the term is that it was developed in the restaurant industry around the 1930s. It's well-documented that the term was common kitchen slang of the era indicating that the kitchen was out of something. That joke was lacking something for sure. |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 9:22:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Sorry about that Chief…… |
|
Date: 10/7/2023 9:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I thought you were Smart. |
|
Date: 10/8/2023 1:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
I got one! kronk---One what, dog? "L.D."---One of those "numbered jokes." kronk---"Groooaaaannnnnn"...You're going to get us kicked off the site. Please, don't do it. "L.D."---Sorry, man. It's gone too far already. I have to. kronk---Nooooooooooo!!!! (reaches for the CENSOR button) "L.D."----#2 kronk---UGH! |
|
Date: 10/8/2023 2:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...looks like Kronk stepped into that one. |
|
Date: 10/8/2023 5:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
No more snacks after midnight. |
|
Date: 10/8/2023 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...can we still go out walking? |
|
Date: 10/9/2023 3:33:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Patsy Cline fan? |
|
Date: 10/9/2023 6:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...are you crazy? |
Date: 10/9/2023 6:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler  I think that "L.D." does "that" on purpose. I brought one of the grandkids to the park and was swinging them, when "L.D." came right in the path I was using to push the swing, and dropped a spike."L.D."---Hey, it was time to go so, I went. Nothing personal, I assure you. kronk---Ugh! |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 6:29:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk..."dropped a spike" has such an ugly sound to it. Could you not have referred to the act as "pinched a loaf" or something else that would be less invasive to the imagination of our readers with more delicate sensibilities? |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 6:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...L.D...BAD DOG! BAD! |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 7:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...L.D...aside from being a bad dog, you could also be a wealthy dog. I heard through the grapevine that Hey Larry was offering cash rewards for the types of "torpedoes" you manufacture as he is planning an aerial incendiary assault on Mar-a-Lumpo. Please send them to him via the U.S.P.S. priority mail service. Send postage due if you're a bit short this week. IMPORTANT!!: Please send in an unmarked paper sack. |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 2:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...how careless of me! I forgot to leave a mailing address. Please send any and all donations (species unimportant) to: Cap'n Larry's Mosquito Farm 5 1/4 Pitfall Lane, Despair ARK. TELL YOUR FRIENDS! |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 5:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
You know, Hekler is right. kronk---About what? "L.D."---You haven't been paying attention; have you? kronk---Back off, dog. I was fantasizing about rolling dice in "The Golden Nugget." "L.D."---"Pinch a loaf" sounds so much better than what you said. kronk---"Aces in both places!" "L.D."---Ugh! You're hopeless. kronk---"Cinco Dose Adios." |
|
Date: 10/10/2023 6:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Yo, dog! You should check into Hekler's scheme. We could use the cash. "L.D."---I dunno', man? "Big Red" promised me a "C" note and two-hundred thirty seven pounds of "Alaskan Moose" tenderloin, if I would hamstring Biden's dog, Hunter. kronk---So, how's that going? "L.D."---Well, "they" moved him out of the white house, but I know this chihuahua named "Santiago." kronk---You mean "Santiago, the mouth?" What's his cut for ratting on Hunter? "L.D."---Santiago wants the box that the meat's shipped in. He says he finally realized that he actually identifies as a termite. kronk---Well, "Burn Ma' Biscuits!" |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 6:43:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Hekler ALSO FORGOT to mention my loyalty rewards program LD. Don’t forget to sign up and get a loyalty membership card and you can begin to collect points towards rewards! Like Tofu Moosemeat in a can, fashionable Skin Skin line of clothing, your choice of 8 x 10 pictures of your favorite politicians suitable for use on any dartboard ( collect them all) ! And much more! |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 6:44:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
“ skunk” skin….typo |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 4:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...has no one scraped this up and bagged it yet? |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 4:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...here, I'll finish that off for you ("skunk” skin….typo) Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 4:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I think that we'd all like to hear a little more on that "Thin Skin" line of clothing you designed for for a man of wealth and taste is is now having a tantrum with Forbes magazine over a disastrous blow to his ego. I never read the magazine anyway and there's no one around here worth robbing so why bother? I have found it to be much easier to take refuge in one of the empty checkout booths at the grocery store, turn on the lane light and when people come through with their groceries, I threaten to play the Celine Dion/Justin Bieber duet if they don't hand over all their cash and valuables. People leave the store unaware that they've been held up. What a racket! |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 5:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I’m sorry. But our exclusive line of” skunk skin “ designer clothing is not available in Canada. We do , however, offer a line of possum or squirrel that you might fancy. Would you like a catalog? |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 6:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
I can't believe that Hey Larry used the words "tofu & moose meat" in the same sentence. kronk---I'm hungry, now. Leave us purloin one of the mayor's ducks. If you'll do the honors, I'll whip us up some "Civet de canard." "L.D."---Hand me the "soft blow hammer." |
|
Date: 10/11/2023 7:22:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Dear L.D., allow me to apologize for offending your senses with “ Tofu Moose Meat.” My sponsor in Canada assured me that it was just as good as the real deal. However, allow me to make it up to you by giving you and Kronk a heads up when the next official McRib promotion comes to your town, whereby I will send you corporate coupons that are good for one free McRib sandwich with every can of “ Tofu Moose Meat” that is used in the purpose of self defense while preventing a home invasion. Offer good while supplies last. |
|
Date: 10/12/2023 7:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry "L.D." here: No problemo, amigo. It's just that I had a pretty awful experience with "tofu" and I actually experience "mange-like" symptoms at the mere mention of the word. Yo, kronk! Get me a pint of de-wormer. I feel "it" coming on. kronk---Here you go, dog. "L.D."---Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp...Ahhhh, I needed that. Thank you. kronk---I can relate, dog. The same thing happens to me when I hear the word "MacRib." Ugh! Ugh!..Quick, dog! Get me 750ml of "Remy Martin Louis XIII Cognac!" "L.D."---Well, we're all out of that one. How about a bottle otf "Thunderbird?" kronk---Hit me with it, dog! |
Renasoft is the proud sponsor of the Unsolved Mystery Publications website.
See: www.rensoft.com Personal Site server, Power to build Personal Web Sites and Personal Web Pages
All stories are copyright protected and may not be reproduced in any form, except by specific written authorization
