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Date: 10/7/2023 4:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
If at first you don’t succeed, keep on sucking till you do succeed. In the meantime, don’t quit your day job.  |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Oh, oh... "L.D."---What? kronk---It appears that Hekler may be "on" to us. "L.D."---I've suspected as much for some time, now. kronk---Really? What tipped you off? "L.D."---Last fall, I was out hunting opossum, when a formation of snow geese came by. They were up about a thousand feet, but I heard every "honk, hink, bark, whistle, and hiss," of their conversations. All they talked about was the "Great Cleric of the White North." Hekler's name came up, repeatedly. kronk---Wow! That's heavy, and of course, the geese would know. What else were they talking about? "L.D."---Well, by then, "they" were moving away and out of range, but I think I heard `em say that they were heading for Cancun. kronk---Lucky ducks. "L.D."---Geese kronk---Ugh!  |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
You know, I've heard that skunk is not half bad, if you remove the "stink glands." kronk---Ugh! You're kidding, right? "L.D."---Lions eat it. kronk---How do the lions remove the "stink glands?" "L>D."---"They" use a razor knife. kronk---Of course. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:22:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry...I try and promote your posts and what do I get in return? Meanness, Sarcasm, Venom. I'm going to stop doing favors for you.  |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:25:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...and I also don't need you to get all smart alecky and ask me why my signs don't have posts. They're self-levitating signs. Available on Amazon. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Stop playing the victim and work on your vowel movement. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 5:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...your advice worked! A, E, I, O, POO |
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Date: 10/7/2023 9:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Ok, that false advertising regarding “ Hey Larry’s Home, etc” is in reality a La Quinta Inn located in Canada. Right next door to the legal aid for illegal aliens from another galaxy office. Nice try! |
Date: 10/7/2023 11:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 55251
Kronk.. I'm starting to think Hekler and Hey Larry may be the same person. Perhaps a split personality. I'm just sayin'! Have you ever seen them in the same room together?  |
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Date: 10/7/2023 1:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
You caught us Morphix, we were part of the original clone experiment that John Gurdon swore would never see the light of day. Somehow we managed to find a hom3 here at USM and life as we know it was never the same. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 6:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Morphix...we are not the same person. We are twins. Unfortunately, our parents couldn't afford to feed us both and since I was always the nicer one and cognizant of people's feelings, decided to tie Hey Larry into a burlap sack and threw him into Lake Arkansas. By some still unsolved mystery, the sack filled with gas from points unknown and he floated to the surface where he was adopted by a family of beavers. The rest is history. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 6:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...and the Hey Larry family homestead? Yeah, it's all true. Actual skeletons were found in the closets but no charges were laid as the remains turned out to be Great Grandma and Uncle Schmetz. The family had just thought that they had moved to Florida and weren't overly concerned at the time. They also found his Auntie Vyras' collection of petrified squirrels. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 6:31:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...the squirrels were very much alive, just scared into immobility out of fear that they were next to be served. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 8:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
I’m checking you off the Xmas card list and you can forget about the box of Whitman Squirrel Sampler mister! |
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Date: 10/7/2023 8:33:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...the Christmas card list deletion isn't much of a deterrent if you never send the cards out anyhow. Threaten me with something tangible like kidnapping my lucky underwear or something even more important, if you can think of something. You know the drill: something something something your general direction. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 9:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
You never got a Xmas card to begin with for obvious reasons genius, it took my reminder to bring it to your attention….again. And I would consider it lucky if you even wore any underwear, not to mention that your neighborhood would greatly appreciate you if you started to. |
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Date: 10/7/2023 9:43:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...the underwear belonged to the neighbor. I kidnapped them. I needed some and it was my lucky day. Hence the name. |
Date: 10/8/2023 12:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Morphix  "L.D." here: I wouldn't put much stock in Kronk's answer to your notion that Hekler and Hey Larry are the same entity. Kronk literally lives in his liquor cabinet and sees life through the bottom of a "Waterford Lismore Diamond Shot Glass." He even thinks that I can talk.kronk---I'll have you know, that I know, for a fact, that Hekler's story is spot on. I was one of the beavers that hauled Hey Larry up out of the deep,dark, depths of that ancient lake. "L.D."---See what I mean, Morphix? Now, kronk thinks he's a beaver. kronk---Ugh! |
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Date: 10/8/2023 1:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Isn't that the place where we rented rooms back in 1928? "L.D."---Yeah...why do you ask? kronk---I want to go back there. The other occupants were interesting, wild and crazy, in an extremely ernest way. The ambiance was what I'd call "uncomfortably elegant." "L.D."---Ugh! Our rooms were at "dungeon level," directly beneath the communal latrine. I think I'll pass on that one, but here's ten bucks to bribe the dungeon master.. |
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Date: 10/8/2023 1:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
That route looks familiar "L.D."---"Yermo to Barstow," on Hwy 15. The bats are tolerable, but those skunks are a menace. kronk---Let's take the "Magic Bus." "L.D."---"The Who?" |
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Date: 10/8/2023 2:56:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I find Kronk's claim to have been a beaver in a previous decade totally plausible. Beavers are often maligned creatures with people only believing in their destructive nature. In actuality, beavers are industrious little beasties with great technical knowledge. The expression "Leave it to Beaver" is a nod to this enthusiastic dam building and forest management. Kronk...you can believe whatever you want. Don't let that dog push you around. |
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Date: 10/8/2023 3:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I took a ride on a magic bus once. It had a suspension on it. |
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Date: 10/9/2023 7:22:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...maybe I was a little too judgemental of Kronk's poetry at first so I gave his method another try. I put all the words into a cup, gave it a good shake and then spilled them out onto the table to see what came up only to find a marginally disguised version of Shelley's "Ozymandius" but instead of the name Ozymandius, "Trump" came into play. It seemed very apropos. |
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Date: 10/9/2023 6:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Did you read that! "L.D."---What? kronk---In his critique of my swill, Hekler compared me to Shelly! I am severely stoked, dog! "L.D."---I'm not so sure that's a good thing, man. Isn't "Ozymandias" the dude in charge of "The National Endowment for the Arts?" kronk---No way, dog. You're thinking about "Ozzy Osbourne." That guy's cool. I think that Pelosi is running the "NEA" show, these days. "L.D."---Heavy! "Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" kronk--- |
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Date: 10/10/2023 6:39:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...this Ozzy Osbourne guy...I have never read any of his poetry. Can you suggest a few of his better offerings? BTW...watch out for that "spike" over to your left. It's still glowing. |
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Date: 10/10/2023 6:58:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...one of my favorite poets from the past was this American guy that went by the name of Hank Williams Jr. Here's a taste: "Hank, why do you drink? Hank, why do you roll smoke? Hank, Why must you live out the songs that you wrote" This is some seriously masterpiece level "spike" . |
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Date: 10/10/2023 5:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler I'm not sure that Ozzy ever wrote anything. I like the color of his nail polish, though. "L.D."---Didn't that guy sing about a door mouse? kronk---No way, dog! You're thinking about the reigning vice president of the United States of America. "L.D."---"Sarah Silverman?" kronk---OY !!!! |
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Date: 10/12/2023 6:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Yes, indeed. Hank Williams Jr, and Hank senior, for that matter, were all over the jukebox when I was a youngster. "L.D."---"I've never seen a night so long, when time goes crawling by. The moon just went behind a cloud, to hid its face and cry. (Hank williams) kronk---Sing it, dawg! Brings me to tears. "L.D."---Here's a beer, man. Goes good with tears. kronk---My dawg. |
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