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Date: 7/18/2023 3:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...yeah, first the site conks out and then there was no JOTW. I guess every cloud DOES have a silver lining.  |
Date: 7/18/2023 5:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Hey, even an accomplished humorist needs time off every now and then. But don’t you fret, I’ll be here next Saturday to fulfill your needs.  |
Date: 7/18/2023 5:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Ball and Chain  Hey there! You don't know me, but my name is Light Emitting Diode. You may call me "L.D." for short, if you like. I am kronk's talking dog. He created me because he hasn't any real friends to speak of. Anyway...I suspect that kronk is somehow responsible for the crash that knocked out USM. I expect "The United States Secret Service' will be here to pick him up at any time. He got a little to "mouthy" with certain powerful people. I can't say any more `cause I hear him coming. Remember, mums the word.  |
| Date: 7/18/2023 7:38:00 PM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 30706 Hi L.D.! You're Kronk's talking dog? Is he unable to speak for himself of was there some kind of scientific experiment gone horribly wrong? No offense intended L.D. |
| Date: 7/18/2023 7:44:00 PM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 30706 Hi Hey Larry! You are the master of mirth and, with your jokes, link us all to the everyday man that you are. Jokes are great! |
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Date: 7/18/2023 8:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry an "everyday man"? I don't think my ulcer could take a Joke of the Day. To be honest, I don't have an ulcer yet but if there was a Joke of the Day......... |
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Date: 7/18/2023 8:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...just thinking about that. Someone better get over here and clean up this mess. |
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Date: 7/18/2023 9:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...by the way 30706...nice picture. It seems to follow me everywhere I go in the room. I also suspect a subliminal message will likely be found in it, sooner or later. One of the rules here at USM is NO POTTY HUMOR! Please control yourself in the future. |
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Date: 7/19/2023 1:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 998
Just when we thought we tracked the issue to Microsoft updates causing mischief on our servers ... you tell me you really found the culprit. Hey Larry with a sledgehammer in the main hall of USM. Who would have thunk it. The most trouble I've ever seen him in was spending too much time in his personalized lounge chair by the USM pool.  |
| Date: 7/19/2023 2:32:00 AM ( Admin ) I was unaware it was down ); I am sorry my good friends. |
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Date: 7/19/2023 11:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...Hi Ginger! Always a pleasure when you (and any other admins) drop in for a visit and please let me take a second of your time to reassure that I run a legitimate operation, unlike some others here that have crime running rampant through their veins. He knows who he is. The hallowed halls of USM just aren't the same these days since the aforementioned low-life tore up all the pretty green shag carpet and made off with it. Since there seems to be an admin monitoring this post for irregularities, may I also at this time report a rise in skulking and lurking by Hey Larry's thugs, lickspittles and laser squirrels. The latter seem to be the most aggressive and dangerous. Do NOT approach! |
| Date: 7/19/2023 11:26:00 AM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 30706 Hello Ginger and anonymous admin! Nice that you came by and I too experienced the improvements to my system made possible by one of those same Microsoft updates. There was no one else around to blame it on when it happened and I knew that it wasn't something that I had done and a quick restore resolved the issue. I would also like to second the complaint made by Heckler about Hey Larry's lackeys. I was cornered by one of those laser squirrels and it stole my handbag and the bag of cashews I was eating at the time. Something Must be done about this. |
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Date: 7/19/2023 12:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
In my defense, I merely invited the squirrel squad over to USM to divert them from my neighborhood and not to prevent the peaceful posting of The JOTW. It was my hope to divert them from creating mischief on the streets for those driving to and fro in their daily activities and perhaps get them to search for any “ Nuts” on the site here in hopes of returning to normal. I have no control over them if they weren’t fed sufficiently. |
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Date: 7/19/2023 2:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Ball and Chain "L.D." here: I was just an ordinary k-9 cattle dog, enjoying myself, herding cows in Northwest Texas. Then one night, I was attacked by a swarm of blood thirsty, intergalactic, alien mosquitoes. Now, during every full moon period, I turn into kronk. Oh, the horror....the horror... kronk---hehehe |
| Date: 7/19/2023 3:00:00 PM ( From Author ) From Authorid: 30706 Hello again Kronk and talking dog! It may seem a horror to you but things could be much worse. As a child, I lived in Pothole, Arkansas which was the next town over from where Hey Larry has lived his whole life and there was talk of this kid that went around on Hallowe'en with just a paper bag with eyeholes cut out. Most thought this was a ghost costume made by the kid's parents (known as the ditchsleepers) and all gave the kid extra candy out of guilt. It was later learned that the young lad was forced to wear the bag at all times so as not to scare babies and elderly people. |
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Date: 7/20/2023 5:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
"Ditchsleepers" I love that! As a child, I ran away from babies and elderly people. "L.D."---Hey there, Ball and Chain! kronk was a VERY troubled youth.kronk---I'm all better now, though. "L.D."---That's what "they" all say. kronk---Ugh! |
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Date: 7/20/2023 5:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Are you monitoring this post? kronk---No, dog. Greetings...I'm only into greetings. "L.D."---Say hello, kronk. kronk---Hello, kronk. "L.D."---Ugh! |
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Date: 7/20/2023 8:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30706
Hello again Kronk! Isee your cute little doggie is with you again. Here's a steak for you L.D. Good doggie! I think that kids have an instinctual reticence about being near babies and old people. You need the alibi if something happens. Best to be down at the pool hall where a lot of the guys can vouch for you.If you can manage to get arrested at about the same time everything hit the fan, even better. Rock solid alibi. LD.: I was led to believe that USM was a polite place and no belittling of other USMers was allowed. Yet here you are just itching to share the tales of Kronk's daily ride to school in the short bus. That's shameful and I won't have any of it. |
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Date: 7/21/2023 7:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Ball and Chain "L.D." usually gets the prime cuts and I usually end up with fat and gristle. "L.D."---That's because I tend to exude honesty and goodwill, while you come off as a fake. kronk---Wow, dog! That is harsh. "L.D."---Yeah, well, it is what it is. Oh, and another thing. kronk---Yes? "L.D."---The socks you're wearing don't match. kronk---Ugh! |
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Date: 7/21/2023 7:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Did you ride a bus to get to school? kronk---Nope. In order to get picked up by a school bus, you had to live more than twelve miles away. We lived only eleven and a half miles from the school and I had to walk. I only had one pair of shoes and those were for Sunday service and... "L.D."---Wait a minute! Are you saying that your family had no form of transport and you couldn't hitch a ride with anyone? I find that "very" hard to believe. kronk---It's the truth, dog. We owned one mule and the folks needed that to haul moonshine across into the next county and I couldn't catch a ride with any of the neighbors because they didn't trust me. "L.D."---Why didn't the neighbors trust you? kronk---I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I wore a paper bag over my head?? "L.D."---Ugh! |
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Date: 7/25/2023 12:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'm awarding Kronk and L.D. the trophy and HUGE cash award for "Absurd of the Week" This should become a regular feature. You have 30 minutes to call in and claim your trophy and the HYSTERICALLY HUGE cash award. The clock starts ticking....NOW! |
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Date: 7/26/2023 3:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Are we too late to claim our "Hysterically Huge cash award?" kronk---I don't think so. This is USM and within the borders of this site, time is relative. "L.D."---Open the porthole and transmit me to sixteenth century "Parc La Vérendyre, Quebec." kronk---What's there? "L.D."---MOOSE !!!! |
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Date: 7/26/2023 7:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...LOL Kronk for the "This is USM and within the borders of this site, time is relative". How true that is. We're still in our original internet enclave, swimming in circles, waiting ever so patiently for a good JOTW. We are in our Twilight Zone. Comfortable. |
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Date: 7/27/2023 6:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Love it, man! It's like we're tiger sharks, swimming around a dead blue whale, for ever and ever and evermore. "L.D."---That makes no sense at all. kronk---An endless supply of blubber...Think of it! "L.D."---C'mon over here, now. That's a good kronkie. It's time to chain you to your bed. kronk---ok...Can you read me a bedtime story? "L.D."---Well, it's getting late, but I'll read you just one. I'll hit the "Random Story" button and we'll see what comes up. kronk---Oh, Goody!!! |
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Date: 8/13/2023 2:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Hekler predicted it…yet again… |
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Date: 8/14/2023 7:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Psyche! That is HEAVY! kronk---How could he have known? "L.D."---It's the cooler climate that he lives in. We should move. kronk---Let's go to Helsinki! "L.D."---Is that near Niagara Falls? |
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Date: 8/19/2023 1:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
I'm still not sure. What about you? "L.D."---Don't worry about it, gringo. "They" have everything under control. kronk---I feel much better, now. |
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