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Hey Larry’s JOTW #139

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(6/17/2023 4:49:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (78 times)

Have you ever noticed that all the instruments used to search for intelligent life are pointed away from the Earth?

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
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Date: 6/17/2023 2:49:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...and, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in space, a race of sentient
beings picks up our binary signals and promptly misinterprets them and
before you know it, they're dropping in like flies and looking for our
picnic baskets. This is a commonplace thing.

  
Date: 6/17/2023 3:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hekler kronk originally was "beamed down" from "Umpqua-Nix," a purple dwarf planet in a doomed galaxy group, 83 trillion miles due north of Omaha, Nebraska.

kronk---I was on a mission to unit my planet, with earth.

"L.D."---Ha! You tripped and fell into the holding chamber of the orbiting sewer disposal satellite you were working on and got flushed out with the trash!

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 6/17/2023 4:08:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    To me it merely answers the question, “ Is there intelligent life out there?”. Yes, because they are intelligent enough to stay out there.

  
Date: 6/17/2023 5:54:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry "L.D." here: With some of the goings on that I've witnessed, I think that I may be forced to "call in the dogs."

kronk---What's that supposed to mean?

"L.D."---Have you forgotten that "they" wanted me to notify "them" whenever I felt that the time was ripe and "you" were ripe for the taking.

kronk---Me? I don't understand; what'd I do that merits "setting the dogs" on me?

"L.D."---Well, let's see: You're slothful, lazy, indifferent, vicious, malicious, vile, immoral, disrespectful, spiteful, narcissic, murderous, conniving, indifferent---

kronk---You've already mentioned indifferent.

"L.D."---Oh, pardon me. May I continue?

kronk---Sure.

"L.D."---...devious, mischievous, messy, testy, sloven, craven, tepid, wicked, eh.....and your socks don't match.

kronk---So, what you're saying is that I'm everything that's wrong with humanity.

"L.D."---Yep.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 6/18/2023 6:42:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    L.D., I think I’m in good company! Lol! If you call the dogs on me should I be prepared to hand out treats? I want to be on their good side.  
Date: 6/18/2023 1:13:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry The dogs that "L.D." is referring to are a population of brutish descendants of the "dire wolf," that live on a large wooded planet that revolves around "Alpha Canis Major" in the constellation "Canis Major." "L.D." is, in fact, a mole, sent to earth approx. 1,000,000 million years ago, to report back to his masters when he deemed earth's population had degenerated enough to facilitate an easy takeover.

"L.D."---What! You can't spread such lies about me. My attorney will be in touch!

kronk---Your attorney is doing 3-7 years in the "T.L. Roach Unit" for dealing in potentially dangerous contraband and impersonating an attorney.

"L.D."---I'm not worried. I happen to be "really" tight with "Robert Shapiro's" Pharaoh Hound, Beatrice. We have a history.

kronk---Ugh! Our society is doomed.

"L.D."---Your species did to to itself. (Hey Larry When my people arrive, just mention my real name; "Light Emitting Diode," and you'll be "taken care of."
...oh, and handing out a generous amount of high end dog treats certainly couldn't hurt, either.

  

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