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Hey Larry’s JOTW #118

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(1/21/2023 1:16:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (86 times)

There are three men on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So….what to do?

One man throws a cigarette overboard……







Making the boat a cigarette lighter!

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 1/21/2023 8:18:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...to show how much I liked this joke, I made a special post about it.

  
Date: 1/21/2023 8:48:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Oh goody!You're going start doing a "Gripe of the Week!"
  
Date: 1/21/2023 8:51:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I think that your entry today would qualify
for Joke of the Decade (or century)
It is just too bad to limit it to one week.

  
Date: 1/21/2023 8:55:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    You are very motivated when the mood strikes. Glad I could be of service.
  
Date: 1/21/2023 8:59:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...falling out of bed in the morning is the most motivation I can usually build up most days.
Your JOTW submissions just make me want to hate the world that little bit more.

  
Date: 1/21/2023 10:35:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    I want a cigarette!

kronk---Ugh? You don't even smoke. What do you want a cigarette for?

"L.D."---Next time you take me out in "das Boot," I'm going to toss the stogey overboard, as a sacrificial offering to Neptune.

kronk---Wow! That's heavy. What do you hope to gain by doing such a thing?

"L.D."---I have it on good authority that Neptune is a smoker and that my offering will convince him to "release the Kraken."

kronk---Dog! Why?

"L.D."---This morning, I woke up in a mood to disrupt something and today's JOTW was just the catalyst I need.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 1/21/2023 10:58:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Kronk, here: "The dog" has not been himself, of late. He's been sneaking out of his room at night, hitting the street in search of wandering immigrants
and stealing their pet chihuahuas.

"L.D."---You have no proof that I'm responsible for any of that. Pure conjecture, is what you're spouting. Want to see my newest pet?

kronk---What you got there, dog? and...more importantly; "where did you get it?"

"L.D."---This is "Og." Short for "Ogmodon vitianus." Og is a burrowing snake found exclusively in Viti Levu, Fiji. I got him from some dude walking the street,
down by old Mister Whaka's house, looking for chickens. The dude said the specie of snake was endangered, due to pig predation. Mr. Whaka came out with
his shotgun and I showed the dude how to reach the back alley. He gave me Og for the information.

kronk---So now, you're trafficking in reptiles.

"L.D."---What eva it takes, man. Hey, you wanna' but a voodoo doll?

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 1/21/2023 11:21:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I see an ad on the lower left hand corner o& my post for “ Born with Special Gifts” test. This must be a sign. I figure that L.D. will get a good return from Neptune if he does enjoy a good stogie. Sydney Powell doesn’t smoke nor subscribe to Cigar Aficionado Magazine, hence the lack of Kraken . That politics , yesteryear and in this modern world.  
Date: 1/21/2023 11:26:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I used to sneak out of my room Kronk. Back when I was a wee lad of Kindergarten age. MyMom, enjoyed the neighborhood gossip and while she was deeply hooked to who the milkman was making special deliveries to while drinking coffee and chain smoking mariburros on the the phone , I saw my opportunity to sneak out the backyard gate.

Don’t be too hard on L.D., he’s a kindred spirit.
  
Date: 1/21/2023 4:41:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry My lower left hand corner is advertising DIY auto repair. "L.D." thinks that everyone adores him.

"L.D."---Of course "they" adore me. I'm warm, fluffy, an intellectual, and I don't smell bad, even after rolling in carrion.

kronk---You're not conceited either, are you?

"L.D."---You said it, man. I didn't.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 1/21/2023 4:53:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry ---I used to sneak out, also. I slept with my ancient great aunt in....

"L.D."----Ha Ha! You slept with your great aunt? Geez, man! How old were you?

kronk---I was seven years old. You know how old I was, `cause you were there, too. Aunty snuggled with you in the winter time. She said you were the best foot
warmer, ever.

"L.D."---I should have called the SPCA on her. That was cruel and unusual treatment of an animal. If she wouldn't have been such a good cook, I would have.

kronk---Yeah, that's the truth. Aunty sure knew her way around a "boiled owl." You mind if I finish my tale?

"L.D."---Yeah; go ahead.

kronk---Thank you. ...in one of the out buildings on the property. Mother and dad went to sleep when the sun set and Aunty wasn't far behind. When they did, I'd
slip away and go roaming the woods and return before sunrise.

"L.D."---Ugh! I couldn't go, `cause if I moved, Aunty got cold feet and woke up. You owe me, man.

kronk---hehehe

  
Date: 1/21/2023 5:54:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    The woods would have been interesting, for sure. I was raised in the suburban city where I hade residential neighborhoods, parks, and local market and othe4 stores. Navigation required the knowledge of when to use the crosswalk after the traffic light turns red. Of course, being of kindergarten age I thought I was pretty slick. Until my Mom caught on…l  
Date: 1/22/2023 6:41:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry kronk thought that he was pretty slick, but as it turned out, his mother was aware of his every move. I guess she figured that since kronk only wandered
the woods around the house, he was safe enough.

kronk---Yeah, when I got old enough to leave home, my mother took me aside and said, "I want to show you something, just to let you know that I knew every time that you left the place." She proceeded to show me a series of journals that she kept. I guess you'd call it a diary. I was fascinated. I only had time to read a few years worth, before I had to go. It was like reliving my past, including all the details that I may not have remembered.

"L.D."---kronk's ankles and legs were forever cut and scratched, from the briars and thorns. He thought he could see in the dark. Ugh! I could have helped him out
with that, if I wasn't busy warming his great aunt's feet.
  

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