Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index Go to Free account page
Go to frequently asked mystery questions Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index
Welcome: to Unsolved Mysteries 1 2 3
 
 New Mystery StoryNew Unsolved Mystery UserLogon to Unsolved MysteriesRead Random Mystery StoryChat on Unsolved MysteriesMystery Coffee houseGeneral Mysterious AdviceSerious Mysterious AdviceReplies Wanted on these mystery stories
 




Show Stories by
Newest
Recently Updated
Wanting Replies
Recently Replied to
Discussions&Questions
Site Suggestions
Highest Rated
Most Rated
General Advice

Ancient Beliefs
Angels, God, Spiritual
Animals&Pets
Comedy
Conspiracy Theories
Debates
Dreams
Dream Interpretation
Embarrassing Moments
Entertainment
ESP
General Interest
Ghosts/Apparitions
Hauntings
History
Horror
Household tips
Human Interest
Humor / Jokes
In Recognition of
Lost Friends/Family
Missing Persons
Music
Mysterious Happenings
Mysterious Sounds
Near Death Experience
Ouija Mysteries
Out of Body Experience
Party Line
Philosophy
Poetry
Prayers
Predictions
Psychic Advice
Quotes
Religious / Religions
Reviews
Riddles
Science
Sci-fi
Serious Advice
Strictly Fiction
Unsolved Crimes
UFOs
Urban Legends
USM Events and People
USM Games
In Memory of
Self Help
Search Stories:


Stories By AuthorId:


Google
Web Site   

Bookmark and Share



Hey Larry’s JOTW #97

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(8/27/2022 3:19:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (146 times)

Hey guys!

 If you're over 40 then it's time to stop dating younger women.

 

 Get yourself a gal that recognizes the signs of a stroke.

You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click here

Scroll all the way down to read replies.

Show all stories by   Author:  5940 ( Click here )

Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 8/27/2022 4:53:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I'll settle for the stroke.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 4:55:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...just to clarify things, how young are these women to which you refer?

  
Date: 8/27/2022 5:01:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    What happened to the voice of reason?  
Date: 8/27/2022 5:02:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    In answer to your burning question, young enough to out run you before you have a stroke…..  
Date: 8/27/2022 5:15:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...the voice of reason is muted after you hit 60.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 5:16:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...can they outrun a modified scooter?

  
Date: 8/27/2022 6:49:00 AM  From Authorid: 55251    If you think you're having a stroke, it's probably all in your head.  
Date: 8/27/2022 7:02:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Unless they’re tied down to the train tracks then yes, faster than a speeding bullet. And as far as the mute goes, don’t you a button for the volume?  
Date: 8/27/2022 7:04:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Lol Morphix, so true.  
Date: 8/27/2022 8:37:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry I make it a point to only date females who are over the age of twenty four years.

"L.D."---HA HA.. What a lie! You couldn't get a twenty five year old female to even look at you, if you were covered from head to toe with hundred dollar bills!

kronk---Oh, yeah! How about if I was covered from head to toe with hundred dollar bills, AND was sitting on eighteen large burlap sacks that were filled to capacity
with hundred dollar bills?

"L.D."---Maybe? More than likely, the female would drug you, take all the money, wrap you up in the sacks (with a couple of heavy stones) and toss you in the
river.

kronk---Ok, smart guy. The female would "have" to look at me to accomplish all that, wouldn't they?

"L.D."---Not necessarily. For 20% of the take, I'd do all the heavy work for `em.

kronk---Ugh!

  
Date: 8/27/2022 8:53:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Funny thing Kronk, I found a news article about Jack Whittaker. He was a Texas businessman that won the lottery but kept getting robbed at , um, well places where the cover charge and two drink minimum attracts people of the other side of the border, you know,Canada.  
Date: 8/27/2022 10:05:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry At first, I though, "What an idiot, that Whitaker guy was. But then, I thought, "What would I do, if I had a net worth of 17 million and then, suddenly
acquired another 314 million?"

"L.D."---I can tell you exactly what you would have done.

kronk---OK! That's enough! I object. The witness's statement would be pure conjecture!

"L.D."---Hey; relax, "Perry Mason." Besides, it's all nothing but wishful thinking. You probably don't have enough to pay the light bill.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 8/27/2022 11:01:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    And it only costs a dollar or two to Dream…..  
Date: 8/27/2022 11:36:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...why even spend a dollar when you can just rob Jack Whittaker?
Canadians are smart that way.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 11:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I had a 25 year old woman look at me last year but I suspect it may
have had something to do with the large mirror I was wearing at the time.

You learn these tricks over time.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 12:09:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Do you have to register with the local authorities?  
Date: 8/27/2022 12:12:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...jokes on you! I am the local authorities.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 12:48:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Did you get your “ Special Badge” out of a box of Cracker Jack?  
Date: 8/27/2022 2:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I collected 100 Ovaltine labels.

  
Date: 8/27/2022 4:15:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry I won eighty dollars "once." I had bought once dollar's worth of tickets and got four numbers right. I ha crumbled the ticket up in my pant pocket and
forgot about. Then, when I got home I emptied my pockets into the trash can. Later, I remembered that I had purchased a ticket and looked for the
ticket for about five hours I was about to give up, when I thought of the trash can and there it was; covered in coffee grounds, gravy and, well, it was
covered with "other stuff," too. "They" ended up giving me the money, but insisted that I leave the store immediately.

"L.D."---Man, that is so gross! I would have never told that story. Ugh!

kronk---I bought eighty dollars worth of cheap beer and got "Mr. Noe's" pigs, stinking drunk.

"L.D." Hey, cool! Money well spent!

kronk---The pigs thought so.
  
Date: 8/27/2022 4:46:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Sounds like a life well lived. One day, I may find my pot of gold in a trash can, then I can afford to prank a certain Canadian nemesis.  
Date: 8/27/2022 6:30:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Man! Your typing is atrocious!

kronk---I'm trying.

"L.D."---Try hardeer!

kronk---You mean, "hard dear," doncha"?

"L.D."---Ugh!
  

Find great Easter stories on Angels Feather
Information Privacy policy and Copyrights

Renasoft is the proud sponsor of the Unsolved Mystery Publications website.
See: www.rensoft.com Personal Site server, Power to build Personal Web Sites and Personal Web Pages
All stories are copyright protected and may not be reproduced in any form, except by specific written authorization

Pages:1296 1504 731 993 1077 1316 1030 1293 190 1139 878 1000 515 631 1398 1248 1146 1411 1038 1593 1117 477 897 36 925 40 852 1449 1257 138 880 797 512 1270 1186 368 731 1018 1126 193 1117 671 133 76 1563 1052 640 414 175 338 208 225 800 295 49 372 147 91 1152 789 915 129 808 1305 1317 1472 733 1269 1005 863 1196 1177 995 553 341 1492 793 927 316 276 717 1528 993 808 1427 879 498 415 644 1515