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Hey Larry’s JOTW #96

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(8/20/2022 4:53:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (182 times)

I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.....

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 8/20/2022 4:54:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I go to great lengths each week to get a smile!  
Date: 8/20/2022 6:02:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Hey Larry...once again, your Joke of the Week does not disappoint yet merely strengthens
one's desire to throw themselves off the top of a tall building, a low building...any building.

  
Date: 8/20/2022 7:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 55251    If we don't have any rulers, isn't that anarchy?  
Date: 8/20/2022 7:54:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Morphis... you'l have to meter your replies to Hey Larry.
He's not all that quick on the uptake.

  
Date: 8/20/2022 9:21:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Anarchists make lousy rulers....  
Date: 8/20/2022 9:23:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Give some people and inch...and you wind up with a fraction of the kind of person hey ought to be.  
Date: 8/20/2022 9:25:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I should have known that you would get all fractious about my reply.

  
Date: 8/20/2022 10:35:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    You should try and be more like Kronk, he's someone you could measure up to....  
Date: 8/20/2022 11:00:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...you'll go to any length to be insulting, won't you?

  
Date: 8/20/2022 7:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry I am really surprised that "they" haven't decided to add, or take away, something from that standard. I mean, I'm sure that the idea of a "yardstick"
must surely offend someone.

"L.D."---Well, I'll tell you one thing that I am offended by.

kronk---You're such an easy going and amicable animal; what could possibly offend you?

"L.D."---Grocery store steaks!
  
Date: 8/20/2022 8:20:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Well you know the ol’ saying, it’s close enough for horseshoes and atomic bombs. Or as Maxwell Smart would say….” missed it by that much!”  
Date: 8/21/2022 6:57:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I'm glad that I don't have to pay for this service.
The jokes are thin and always come up short.Why aren't these
"jokes" posted under the "Cruel and Unusual Punishment" category?

USM needs more friendly moderators.
I should apply for the job.

  
Date: 8/21/2022 10:29:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Well perhaps I could start showing up at rallies and ask for donations to Make Jokes Great Again!"

Would you care to contribute?
  
Date: 8/21/2022 11:49:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...you have some kind of need for bad eggs and decomposed vegetables?

  
Date: 8/21/2022 3:56:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    With that kind of attitude, I'll start referring to you as USMer in name only.  
Date: 8/21/2022 4:28:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Speaking of bad eggs: The Mayor's chickens are forever escaping their enclosure, crossing the street and violating my space. "L.D." does take at least three chickens a week, but I believe that people, seeking political favors, bring the Mayor chickens, on a daily basis.

Anyway, last year, after crab season was over, be winterized and covered up the boat and forgot about the thing for four months. Come spring (after an exceptionally warm winter,) we made ready to beginning fishing again. In the forward hole, we found no less than three hundred and 37 hen's eggs. (In various states of decomposition)

"L.D."---Tell them about "the snake."

kronk---Oh, yeah. In the midst of all the rotten eggs, we discovered an eleven foot long, terribly obese, "Southern North American Egg Eating Corn Snake."
(Pantherophis guttatus. We did release the serpent, but it was so fat that it took two and a half hours to cross the street.

"L.D."---Yeah! That nasty thing threw up all over me!

kronk---Hehehe
  
Date: 8/21/2022 5:24:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Lol! I truly enjoy the replies from the both of you. It’s a part of the world I have yet to visit, but hope to once I hit the lottery jackpot. Yeah, I want to travel and meet others not only from USM….well except the USMER in name only, but catching up with fr and those you have yet to meet. Ask L.D. if he has any numbers or fortune cookie fortunes that I may borrow, will split 50/ 50.  
Date: 8/21/2022 9:22:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

Good afternoon sir! I'm Ed Smith from the U.S.G.S. We're following up on a report of a sinkhole in the vicinity.

  
Date: 8/21/2022 9:34:00 PM  From Authorid: 30706    ^^^^You must be here about the Joke of the Week.
Date: 8/21/2022 10:55:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    United States Gastrointestinal Society?  
Date: 8/27/2022 8:46:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Ah, yes....It does my poor old heart good, to see a visitor. Hello there, "Ball & Chain!" Good to read you, again.  

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