Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index Go to Free account page
Go to frequently asked mystery questions Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index
Welcome: to Unsolved Mysteries 1 2 3
 
 New Mystery StoryNew Unsolved Mystery UserLogon to Unsolved MysteriesRead Random Mystery StoryChat on Unsolved MysteriesMystery Coffee housePsychic Advice on Unsolved MysteriesGeneral Mysterious AdviceSerious Mysterious AdviceReplies Wanted on these mystery stories
 




Show Stories by
Newest
Recently Updated
Wanting Replies
Recently Replied to
Discussions&Questions
Site Suggestions
Highest Rated
Most Rated
General Advice

Ancient Beliefs
Angels, God, Spiritual
Animals&Pets
Comedy
Conspiracy Theories
Debates
Dreams
Dream Interpretation
Embarrassing Moments
Entertainment
ESP
General Interest
Ghosts/Apparitions
Hauntings
History
Horror
Household tips
Human Interest
Humor / Jokes
In Recognition of
Lost Friends/Family
Missing Persons
Music
Mysterious Happenings
Mysterious Sounds
Near Death Experience
Ouija Mysteries
Out of Body Experience
Party Line
Philosophy
Poetry
Prayers
Predictions
Psychic Advice
Quotes
Religious / Religions
Reviews
Riddles
Science
Sci-fi
Serious Advice
Strictly Fiction
Unsolved Crimes
UFOs
Urban Legends
USM Events and People
USM Games
In Memory of
Self Help
Search Stories:


Stories By AuthorId:


Google
Web Site   

Bookmark and Share



Hey Larry’s JOTW #90

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(7/9/2022 4:15:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (124 times)

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the courage to pull the trigger!"

You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click here

Scroll all the way down to read replies.

Show all stories by   Author:  5940 ( Click here )

Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 7/9/2022 7:08:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry That's a good one, man! Lawyers and politicians; I'd hate to have to depend on "the tender mercies" of either.

"L.D."---I had a lawyer demand $30,000. for helping me get out of an assault charge. (I mauled Pelosi's pet badger.)

kronk---Wow! That is a pretty big bite! Why'd you maul Nan-Nan's badger?

"L.D."---Well, I could tell you, but then you'd be "under investigation," too.

kronk---OK; that's fine. I really don't need to know. Did you end up paying the lawyer?

"L.D."---No way! I went ahead and ate that lawyer and petitioned for a public defender.

kronk---You "are" quite the problem solver.

"L.D."---I find that being direct and acting without any remorse, whatsoever, works best in such situations.

kronk---Amen, dog.

  
Date: 7/9/2022 7:48:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    If I should ever need a lawyer, I would definitely hire the law firm that won’t make you pay unless you win! Or eats the competition!  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:15:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...you JOTW is late this week but it's good to see that you came through for us all and,
despite the way you must feel after having your behind filled with Botox soldiered on!

I also feel that a second apology is in order for the police "wellness check" raid on
your home this morning. If they haven't arrived yet, I might advise you to exit,
stage left, ASAP. I outlined my concerns in that email I sent earlier.

I must commend you on your choice for the joke of the week. It actually had some value
as humor. I guess spending the extra time to do something well paid off in this instance.
Don't let it go to your head. This has to be a fluke.

  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:24:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    To my my most wonderful number one fan, Hekler. I have a truck load of leftover Jim Bakker home remedies that he couldn’t sell due to the fact he had to repay the many victims of Covid he tried to bilk out of their life savings. Call me, I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse!  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:26:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...L.D./Kronk...funny you should bring up the topic of badgers.
Badgering Hey Larry has become my raison d'être over these last
many years.

L.D...feel no remorse for that lawyer. He had it coming.

  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Hey Larry...thank you so much for the truckload of snake oil.
I am rebranding it under the Trump Pharmaceuticals label and sending
it right back to you in order that you may claim the huge profits that
you duly deserve. I have also, at my own considerable expense, sent an
additional truckload each of tar and feathers. You could sell those too.

  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:37:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I would normally be elated at your current proposal, however, since you are not asking/ demanding any revenue in return makes me highly suspicious that you are not on the level. The recent visit from The IRS last night while I was entertaining guests in my jacuzzi also tipped me off. Please expect a special delivery in the near future.  
Date: 7/9/2022 8:40:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I'd hate to inquire as to the "guests" in your Jacuzzi.
Is this some kind of Caddyshack joke? Please don't elaborate.

  
Date: 7/9/2022 9:27:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Isn’t it time for a colonoscopy? Or does Canadian medicine like to roll the dice?  
Date: 7/9/2022 10:02:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...colonoscopy? What is it with you and dentists?

  
Date: 7/9/2022 10:47:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Wrong type of “ cavity “ check……..  
Date: 7/9/2022 6:48:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    I had one of those "colon" things a while back. When I came to, after the event, there was one of those smiling face cards, with the signatures of about thirty six nurses. I don't remember actually seeing any of those nurses, in person.

"L.D."---hehehe

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 7/10/2022 3:45:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Perhaps Kronk, and I’m just thinking outside the box here, maybe it was a good thing you didn’t see those nurses.  
Date: 7/10/2022 6:20:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry "L.D." here: I sent a "come one, come all" message to the entire "active directory" of the hospital. "They" were literally coming out of the
woodwork.

kronk---I can't believe you did that!

"L.D."---Hey, why not? You were sedated, anyway and I got ten dollars, a pop, for letting them pose with you.

kronk---UGH!

  
Date: 7/18/2022 8:13:00 PM  From Authorid: 67522    I am definitely going to be telling this one soon lol
Date: 7/19/2022 3:37:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    It’s good too see someone with a sense of humor. That guy Hekler sure doesn’t have one, lol.  

Find great Easter stories on Angels Feather
Information Privacy policy and Copyrights

Renasoft is the proud sponsor of the Unsolved Mystery Publications website.
See: www.rensoft.com Personal Site server, Power to build Personal Web Sites and Personal Web Pages
All stories are copyright protected and may not be reproduced in any form, except by specific written authorization

Pages:361 283 468 758 59 1545 818 504 432 386 11 176 461 365 270 808 1141 601 1142 256 204 392 27 1220 47 1048 1102 473 58 108 644 880 537 371 1558 1429 623 119 1099 451 1419 1341 1400 849 1519 758 1196 1321 930 451 746 784 596 1281 763 3 728 1521 137 410 1126 672 456 135 301 495 1338 27 1406 36 952 481 956 644 143 262 359 205 556 530 231 562 1566 1265 1532 938 797 1293 685 1367