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Hey Larry’s JOTW #89

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(7/2/2022 4:40:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (124 times)

Well USM, this week I have caught Covid. Guess it was only a matter of time even though I had the shot and the booster. So, this week is dedicated to being sick.

1. After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

2. Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital? In the ICU.

3. Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.

4. What do you call someone whose life didn’t change after quarantine?

An introvert.

5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 7/2/2022 4:42:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    It hasn’t affected my appetite though, so if any of you would like to have pizza delivered to me that would be fantastic!  
Date: 7/2/2022 7:04:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Sorry to hear that you got the plague, brother. I wish you a very speedy recovery. I am certainly not a medical man, but I feel that I need to share a
little something with you.

"Apple Cider Vinegar" When I thought that something was coming on, I gargled with a mixture of apple cider vinegar and tap water, as many times a day as I could stand it. I say that because, I just about throw up, every time I gargled. (Nasty stuff, yes) BUT....the relief from sore throat and sinus was almost instantaneous.

Anyway, hang in there, and maybe it would be better if you didn't watch the news. Instead of trying to encourage us, "they" are predicting that possibly, the most virulent strain, yet, is due by the end of summer.

Hey Larry "L.D." here: kronk is up to his "8th booster shot" and still shows signs of being diseased. Get well soon.
  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Hey Larry...sorry to hear that you've come down with the China flu.
I hope you've stocked up on your Depends. They don't want you in the
store right now. Get better soon and feel well!

The jokes suck.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:44:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...yep, read them again and it's the same.
First impressions are usually correct.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:52:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...in the interests of public safety, I may be of service to you in ensuring that your
house is properly quarantined. Go in and rest an I'll warn your neighbors of the danger
you pose by artfully bedecking your home with fluttering toilet tissue.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:53:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Thanks Kronk, fortunately the doctor told me that my case wasn’t severe and just had to self quarantine for a week. I’ll try that apple cider vinegar sounds better than horse deworming medicine anyway.

L.D. I hope they find a cure for tofu someday. No carnivore should suffer such a fate.
  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:56:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Hekler, the good thing is my bathroom isn’t far away. Of course the jokes suck, they’re with you in mind. As far as toilet paper goes, didn’t you learn nothing from the last shortage?  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:58:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Kronk...I'm curious as to the maker of your "apple cider vinegar"?
Do you know the guy that operates the still personally? What's the price?

  
Date: 7/2/2022 9:59:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...you can recycle the T.P. when you get better. You'll probably
lose a couple of weeks of pay and this is my way of helping out.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:09:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...and keeping the pail nearby was a masterful display of thought; as far as you're concerned.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:16:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Not only that, I discovered how useful puppy training pads are, and can sew them together for a custom fit. I also thought of getting into the car upholstery business after I retire.  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:19:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...automotive upholstery for seniors and those with IBS?
You're sitting on a gold mine.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:23:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Yep. And since you’re such a good friend, I’ll give you a discount!  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:30:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I don't want to cut into your profits.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 10:40:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    So what do you want to cut into?  
Date: 7/2/2022 1:06:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hekler The only way that I can get any of that ACV is to give "L.D." money and drop him off at the back lot of the "Once every third Monday of the Month Trade Days."

"L.D." tells me that a little old lady from Austin operates the mechanism and she will only deal with him.

"L.D."---That's right, hombre. "Opal" don't like gringos. She adores me, though, and says that I remind her of her fourth husband, Dabney.

kronk---Her fourth husband had four legs, a bob tail and smelled like swamp water?

"L.D."---"The price" just went up.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 7/2/2022 2:25:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I wouldn't mind cutting into a nice beef tenderloin filet after doing it on
the BBQ but I need to find a better meat source than the local profiteering mart.

These guys are masters of price gouging just because they have an in-store pizza oven.
That's the only way I can figure it.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 2:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Kronk...I'm surprised that your reply wasn't "give L.D. some money and take him for a ride in the country"
He's probably too smart to fall for that one. Give my regards to Opal. She's a pearl.

  
Date: 7/2/2022 2:51:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hekler I know what you mean, brother. Chicken leg quarters are going for $.47 lb. until Wednesday. I'm running out of ways to cook legs and thighs. Beef is crazy
expensive, down here. I've taken to hunting at night with a Q-beam, for armadillo, to feed "L.D."

'L.D."---I have been meaning to talk to you about the armadillo. How about trying for head shots? When you hit `em in the bile duct, that ruins the rump roast.

kronk---Ugh! Joe "blow all your money" Biden was on tv today and he said that we need to prepare for more sacrifices `cause he has a war to finance.

"L.D."---What does that have to do with me?

kronk---You need to learn to eat insects.

"L.D."---Ugh!
  
Date: 7/2/2022 3:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry I agree about he "meat alternatives," (Aka, fake meat.) I'm afraid that "they" are going in the wrong direction with that. In all honesty, I would agree to consume fake meat, if the need was great enough. BUT...I have it on good authority that a certain current "Speaker of the House of the United States of America," not only has a $15,000.00 icebox loaded with 27 different flavors of ice creams, but also owns a "96 inch, 23.2 cubic inch, Meat aging locker, with WiFi connectivity and chrome shelving. (and she ain't hanging armadillo in there, either.)....I'm trying to convert "L.D." to at least "Flexitarianism," (Flexitarians are creatures that eat mostly vegetarian but who may be more willing to eat animal products, sometimes.)

"L.D."---Yeah, well you can forget it! If meat is good enough for "the speaker," then, it's good enough for me!

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 7/4/2022 6:34:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    And, her husband drives a Porsche!  
Date: 7/4/2022 7:02:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Hope that all is "stable," with you, brother. Happy 4th of July!

"L.D."---I'm getting tired of eating armadillo. How about hot dogs?

kronk---All the stores are closed. Eat your armadillo and be grateful. People are starving (for attention) in Des Moines.

"L.D."---Ugh?
  

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