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Hey Larry’s JOTW #83

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(5/21/2022 4:28:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (82 times)

This week is dedicated to Mr. Magoo , that cartoon character who’s legally blind, in honor of my having eye surgery this coming Monday. Let’s hope I can keep from driving on the sidewalk afterwards!

Patient: “I always see spots before my eyes.” Optometrist: “Didn’t the new glasses help?” Patient: “Yes, now I see the spots much clearer.”

Optician: “You need glasses.” Patient: “But I’m wearing glasses.” Optician: “Then I need glasses.”

A woman walks into an optician to return a pair of spectacles that she purchased for her husband a week before. The assistant asks, “What seems to be the problem, Madam?” The woman replies, “I’m returning these eyeglasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.”

What did one eye say to the other eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 5/21/2022 4:36:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    The procedure is called Vitrectomy Surgery and it will be on my left eye. It is a common procedure that is performed as an outpatient and should last about an hour.

No, it’s not the Moe Howard eye poke procedure, just thought I’d get that out of the way for a certain USMer who’s bound to drop by with his witticism of the weak.
  
Date: 5/21/2022 6:30:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I really was hoping for more from the joke of the week but you just don't have the same vision that I do.

  
Date: 5/21/2022 6:35:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...will you still be able to sire children after this surgery or can the world breathe with relief?

  
Date: 5/21/2022 7:41:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    So YOUR’RE the one who’s wife had to return the glasses. It’s not a joke after all.  
Date: 5/21/2022 7:43:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    As far as my ability to sire children goes, I’ve never won a Kentucky Derby or anything else contest wise, it’s safe to say that I am out to pasture.  
Date: 5/21/2022 9:54:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Pasteurized is a different way of putting it.

  
Date: 5/21/2022 10:03:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    So is “ Homogenized “. What is your point?  
Date: 5/21/2022 5:52:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Good luck with the procedure, amigo. I have the beginnings of cataracts in both eyes and eventually, I'll have to do something about it. I find that I
see better, if I tilt my head at odd angles.

"L.D."---You know, you really do look afflicted, when you do that.

kronk---Yeah. Well "afflicted," or not, I can still shoot a red bug off a squirrel's behind, at three hundred yards.

"L.D."---HA, HA, HA! You couldn't even "see a squirrel," at ten yards! Here...Have another shot of de-wormer, Hawkeye.

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 5/22/2022 3:39:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Hey thanks Kronk, before you know it I’ll be using a Cadillac to drive away them pesky squirrels. They always dart in front of me, daring me, taunting me…..  

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