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Hey Larry’s JOTW #53

  Author:  5940  Category:(Humor) Created:(10/15/2021 11:20:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (203 times)

There once was a princess that lived alone in a castle with her cat.

Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had been cursed to live his life as a feline.

Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spend the rest of his life with the princess.

Upon seeing the handsome prince, he said, "I bet you wish I wasn't fixed now, huh?"

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 10/16/2021 8:05:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...and as the sun sets on this joke of the week, the handsome prince suddenly realizes that there are some things that he can suddenly no longer do too.

  
Date: 10/16/2021 8:58:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Not only that, he’ll never have to develop the art of selective hearing. There’s a silver lining behind every dark cloud.  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:02:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I tend to think of my hearing loss as an evolutionary improvement.

  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:04:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...by the way, don't you have a cat?
Have you ever been tempted to...you know?

  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:14:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    What?  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:15:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Take my cat for a walk?  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:21:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    My cat is a gal……ok?  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:32:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...it could still be a bewitched princess. Come on, give it a go!

  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:34:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Only if YOU are cast as that wonderful mother-in- law Endora.  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:36:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I do sort of resemble Agnes Moorehead.

  
Date: 10/16/2021 9:45:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    And I look a lot like “ Derwin”.  
Date: 10/16/2021 3:09:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry "L.D." here: I am reminded of an experience I had with an animal that resembled a cat. It was about thirteen thousand years ago, and I was taking a leisurely stroll through the foothills of the Pyrénées -Orientales, when I was set upon my a giant cheetah. Had I not been "extremely fleet of foot, myself, that beast could have been the end of me. The giant cheetah was capable of speeds exceeding 115 MPH, while I have been clocked at 113 MPH, from a standing start.

The cheetah and I were pretty equal in speed, but I had just eaten an ice age porcupine and was feeling a little stuffed. If not for the presence of a lone four hundred foot mountain pine tree, I would most probably have been run down and had to defend myself with tooth and claw. Fortunately, the tree was there and the giant cheetah was unable to climb. I scurried up into the branches and remained out of reach and the cheetah took up residence beneath my tree for nine days. I subsisted on morning dew and passenger pigeon eggs. (I didn't eat eggs, again, for about two hundred years.)



  
Date: 10/16/2021 4:05:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    "L.D."----Is it just me, or is there a "very" noticeable lack of animosity on this post?

kronk---How's that?

"L.D."---Well, usually, those two are at each other's throat, from the very beginning.

kronk---You know, I believe you're right.

"L.D."---So, do you think that they've "turned over a new leaf," or, something like that?

kronk---Naaaaa. They probably both had somewhere to go and simply didn't have the time.

"L.D."---Probably.
  
Date: 10/16/2021 4:16:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Dear L.D.,

You are the original inspiration for the old “ Boy Scout Motto”, always be prepared.

Neither rain, sleet, snow or a blue light special will keep you from “Stayin’ Alive”.

Keep on trucking……..

  
Date: 10/16/2021 4:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    "L.D."---Who is "Agnes Moorehead?"

kronk----You remember her. She turned you in an Egyptian hairless cat, for a couple of weeks, back in the late sixties.

"L.D."---Oh, yeah! I remember that. She fed me room temperature goat's milk and blind mice, twice a day, and let me curl up at her feet at night. She used the most
unusual foot oils. The smell was, just...."Bewitching." I actually got off on that experience. Is she still around?

kronk---I think she moved.

"L.D."---Ugh!
  
Date: 10/16/2021 4:20:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I cannot speak for Hekler as regards the lack of animosity.

I will say however, he looks pretty awful in the Strawberry Shortcake costume he chose to wear at this year’s costume ball at the Possum Lodge……
  
Date: 10/16/2021 4:23:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    There’s always “ Uncle Arthur”.  
Date: 10/16/2021 6:15:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...the Strawberry Shortcake costume is just fine. Maybe it shows a little too much leg but I got it for 70% off.

  
Date: 10/16/2021 6:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...and Hey Larry is a doodoohead!

Top that, doodoohead!

  
Date: 10/16/2021 6:22:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...Kronk/"LD"... Shhh! I've been going easy on Hey Larry for a while now.
He's in a confused state right now and was mumbling something about "get me to a nunnery".

I think he's going through a phase in his life.

  
Date: 10/16/2021 11:12:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Yeah, and you forgot to shave your legs……

I know you are, but wha am I, infinity. There, it’s topped!

And last, but not least. It’s winery, not nunnery.
  
Date: 10/17/2021 5:39:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hekler ) "L.D." here: Happy to read you, amigo, and I'm also happy to see that "Hey Larry" and yourself are back to doing what it is that you do well. I'm actually
learning quite a bit about animosity, from both of your posts, and using that in my dealings with kronk.

kronk---Oh, I see now, been burning the midnight oil and studying tactics, are we.

"L.D."---Exactly! Might as well "learn from the best."

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 10/17/2021 6:10:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Back in the early fifties, I had this "nun friend" named "Conception."

"L.D."---You mean, "Sister Conception," don't you.

Me---I never called her "Sister Conception:" I just called her "Conception." We went to school together back in Constantinople, back in the 13th century.

"L.D."---Oh, yeah! I remember her. She's the one that liked that drink called "Boza."

Me---Yep, you are correct. "Conception" could down more boza than any humanoid creature I've ever seen; mortal or immortal.

"L.D."---I tried that stuff, once; it gave me the squirts.

"The fermented wheat drink boza isn’t meant to get you drunk; it’s meant to transport you to a different time and place."---Suna Çağaptay)
  
Date: 10/17/2021 6:13:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    "Suna Cagaptay" (I hate it when it does that)  
Date: 10/18/2021 2:20:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Oh yeah? We’ll Mariska Hargitay liked to watch Bozo on TV as a child. And look where it transported her……….  
Date: 10/18/2021 4:58:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Ahhh, yes; "Mariska Magdolna." Last I heard, she was pulling down around a half million per episode of SVU. I watched "Bozo," too and all I've got is social security. (and they're threatening to take that away, now)

"L.D."---Hey! Are you telling me that my weekly "SPAM" ration is being threatened? I'm going to see if Hekler will adopt me. I hear that "artic hare" is a passable substitute for "SPAM."

  
Date: 10/18/2021 5:59:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    BOZO is a government code for various experiments via covert operations. Some involved LSD, others involved placebos. Apparently you are having “ flashbacks “ and probably picture yourself as the opening act at Woodstock.

If anyone, I mean anyone, knows what SPAM is truly made from, please send the recipe to the head chef of Canada’s version of Gordon Ramsey. The email is heklercancookwithboilingwaterormicrowave.com

  
Date: 10/19/2021 10:42:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Woodstock! Now, there's a scene that I really wanted to make. Unfortunately, I lived too far away, was too ugly to hitch and I had just volunteered for the "BOZO" program. I did eight tours in that program.

"L.D."---Yeah, I remember that. When you got out, "they" reclassified you as "DM"

kronk---As in Deadly Male?

"L.D."---No...."Dead Meat"

kronk---Ugh!
  
Date: 10/19/2021 10:46:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Now, talk about "top secret!" Even "L.D." doesn't know what "SPAM" is made of.

"L.D."---I do to know the composition, but, if I told you, I'd have to eat you.

  
Date: 10/19/2021 5:37:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Your from that part of TV land . I had Hobo Kelly and Sherrif John.  
Date: 10/26/2021 1:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hey Larry Mrs. Kronk was once a guest on "The Cowboy John Show." She was about five and a half years old, at the time. So, Cowboy John singles her out and pops the question; "And where are you from, little girl?" To which, little Mrs. Kronk replies: "I'm from Texas." That one made the evening news on all three local TV stations.  
Date: 10/26/2021 5:44:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    I envy you and the MRS.

I have only been asked to join a carnival, or run away with a circus, and some folks have even asked me if I knew Tod Browning…….
  
Date: 10/26/2021 6:50:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...I think I might have watched the "Cowboy John" show.
It was a row of outhouses situated on the Chisholm Trail, wasn't it?

Star-studded cast but the viewer never got to see things fall into place.

  
Date: 10/26/2021 6:58:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    Well that certainly wasn’t the Oregon Trail……..  
Date: 10/26/2021 7:13:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...something left a trail.

  
Date: 10/26/2021 7:16:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    

...and I don't think that being abandoned by your parents at the circus is quite the same thing as someone asking you to join the show.

  
Date: 10/27/2021 12:10:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 5940    So says The Ringmaster….
  
Date: 10/27/2021 11:12:00 AM  From Authorid: 5301    

...so, you've heard about my bath tub.

  
Date: 10/27/2021 5:33:00 PM  From Authorid: 21435    Hekler Our "Cowboy John Show," never made it north of the Mason Dixon Line. The show was very short lived, anyway. "Cowboy John" was arrested shortly after that
interview. "They" caught him transporting three tons of nylon hose, to a German submarine, offshore of Galveston.
  

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