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Date: 8/24/2021 4:24:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Why I’ll even bet they make handicap plates from boxes of Depends………  |
Date: 8/24/2021 7:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry  Never underestimate the criminal mind. Just `cause they're rotten, lazy, self centered ingrates, doesn't necessarily mean that they are dumb. L.E.D.---Wow! Don't hold anything back. Go ahead and tell the man how you feel. kronk---Don't interrupt, please. I have a story to tell. L.E.D.---Is it a "true" story? kronk---Of course. Have you ever known me to stretch the truth? L.E.D.---I got to go. There's a possum attacking the mayor's poultry. kronk---I thought you ate his last chicken last Thursday. L.E.D.---He's raising snow geese, now. Bye... These days, I make a living on the water. I haul a boat around, six days a week. Boat launch parking lots are notorious for attracting thieves. I mean, unattended trucks, trailers, tires. It's a "target rich" environment, indeed. Anyway, I had to drill holes on the transom of my boat and attach my trailer license plate, so the thieving swine wouldn't make off with it, while I'm out on the water. It amazes me, the extent "they" will go to. Someone suggested rigging a "claymore," but I wouldn't want to indiscriminately slaughter any seagulls. I am wrong?  |
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Date: 8/24/2021 9:59:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...is it just me or do others think that this is a pretty low way of getting people to read one of this "author's" posts? People see the word HeklerCo and are enticed by the wonderful and magical products put out by that company. They click on this post only to see Hey Larry griping about an idea that he could have brought to fruition if only he had one scintilla of creativity. I'm going to be contacting my legal team about this. You may as well cut the bottoms out of your pockets now because you'll never again have anything to put in them.  |
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Date: 8/24/2021 10:45:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Instead of "Claymore" why not use something more along the glitter filled stink bombs complete with a truck air horn? |
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Date: 8/24/2021 10:49:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Yes it is just you Mr. Paranoid. I try to throw a little business your way by means of free advertising and you get your Depends in a bunch! As far as your legal team goes, I recently saw in the news that the head lawyer was at the airport shaving while trying to drink a bowl of soup. I'm soooooo scared... |
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Date: 8/24/2021 10:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
BTW, what's new in research and development? Glow in the dark Depends with overflow protection? |
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Date: 8/24/2021 4:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'm NOT paranoid. It's just that everyone is against me these days and I have to be extremely careful about whom I trust with the company name and potential trademark infringements. The lawyer was shaving into his soup for a reason. He is a different kind of psychic that, instead of tea leaves, reads shaving debris in lobster bisque. It's all the rage these days. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 4:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'll let you in on the R&D soon. Weather has been so miserably hot that it drains the desire to create. (or steal or plagiarize, whichever comes first) |
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Date: 8/24/2021 6:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
To whom it may concern: L.E.D. here: I don't usually do product reviews. (I mean, I'm a dog. I'm not even supposed to know how to manipulate a keyboard.) BUT, I felt compelled to come forward and whole heartedly recommend the "Blackbeard's Booty" line of underwear, marketed by "HeklerCo." I purchased 538 units (extra loose weave) and sent to our elected officials, in Washington D.C. along with 302 lbs of HeklerCo's "extra rich and buttery egg salad." I have it on good authority (contract janitorial service, assigned to Capital Bldg. Capital Hill, Washington D.C., U.S.A.) that "Blackbeard's Booty" performed exactly as advertised, in all, but one, instance. (The Speaker of the House of Representatives became confused and thought the unit was a hat.) I was going to post pictures of Nancy with her "hat," but the Hey Larry legal team purchased the negatives. "They made me an offer that I couldn't refuse. Keep up the good work. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 6:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I think I've just found my new spokesman. Would you wear your Stetson and wrestle alligators in a commercial? P.S. I mailed a coupon for 20% off your next order. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 6:48:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
L.E.D., you are wise indeed. HeklerCo fine Canadian products are what this country needs at this moment in history. Your order of “ Blackbeard’s Booty” should keep those political ne’er do wells in check. However, should you regret your purchase after thirty days due to various Capitol rioting then you are on your own. Refunds cheerfully given if you are fast enough to find the accounting department before they take the money and run. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 7:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...My accountant is named Steve Miller. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 7:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Appropriate. |
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Date: 8/24/2021 7:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...yes, he does. |
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Date: 8/25/2021 7:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler L.E.D. here: Thanks for the discount. I'm going to put my discount towards purchasing your combination "Maddog/Violent Human, steel reinforced, triple stitched, genuine Northern Pacific white shark skin, muzzle." I'd tell you what I plan on doing with it, but it's probably best if I don't. There could possibly be certain quasi serious ramifications and besides that, I wouldn't want to ruin it for "Nancy P." She may kick a little at first, but I think that she'll come to love it. (after about two weeks, anyway.) I have been known to wear a stetson, at times, but alas, alligators fall into that category of things that my dear old pappy warned me against. Seems like it was just yesterday that he took me aside and while attempting to scratch his nose with his wooden hand, said: "Boy! Don't never trust no reptile. How about scratching my nose, will ya." |
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Date: 8/26/2021 12:23:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
L.E.D.’s right, take a look! https://www.yahoo.com/news/walking-florida-park-then-came-185305309.html |
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Date: 8/26/2021 8:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry Exactly. Three notable instances in my time that have to do with interaction with the American alligator. 1) I was bass fishing on the bank of a farm pond. I was using a purple plastic worm and had a four foot gator follow the lure to the bank. When I snatched the bait away, the gator took exception and launched himself at my feet, hissing and snapping his little jaws.....2) I was swimming in a community lake near my home. Really getting into it. You know, feeling fit; feeling strong. About fifty yards off shore, I paused to catch my breath and a seven foot alligator surfaced about ten feet away. I'm pretty sure that I broke some sort of record for the "American crawl." When I finally hauled myself out of the water, I noticed that the gator was still out there, where I first saw him. Not interested, I guess........3) Just a couple of years ago, I was again, fishing on the shoreline of an area lake. When, a nine foot gator exploded out of the water and onto the bank, at my feet. I was backing up and fell, but came up shooting. (and missed) The gator, instead of heading back to the water, just lay there. I thought, "Oh, man! I dun kilt it." Then, I noticed the bullet had impacted in the mud, an inch from the animals snouth. Anyway, I stood there watching the reptile for about two minutes, until it casually turned and swam away.....Oh, and an eight footer tried to eat L.E.D. once. |
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Date: 8/27/2021 5:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...if only some company could invent an alligator repellent. You're living too dangerously for a man of your age Kronk. Start using the kiddy pool instead. You'll be pretty safe once the kids are gone home. |
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Date: 8/28/2021 6:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler The other day, as I launched the crab boat, I witnessed an adult human male teaching his approx. four year old son, how to feed a ten foot alligator. I mean, this child was barely three feet tall and his old man was letting him dangle a fish over the water in front of the reptile. That alligators hangs out at the boat dock, all the time, and now, I see why. Ugh! (I was tempted to push the father into the water and see how he would defend against a four hundred pound eating machine. Only thing that saved him was, I didn't want to orphan the kid. Although, the child might be better off.) These days, I don't do any of that stuff, anymore. Swimming in fresh water gives me ear infections and just seeing a water snake raises my blood pressure. "Kiddie pools" are listed in the top thirty places "not" to linger too long, in. |
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Date: 9/12/2021 9:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry In defense of those potentially dangerous reptiles: "Back when I had a day job, a seven foot alligator showed up, one day, and began making it's way through the property. Well, in no time, no less than thirty people had gathered to watch the animal. Just guessing, I'd say that approx. sixty seven man hours were wasted, as workers kept coming to watch the show. After about two hours, a private contractor showed up, easily captured the gator, wrapped it up tight with electrical tape and left. Before the agent left, I asked what was he going to do with the beast. He told me that he was going to take it the parks and wildlife location and then the animal would be killed. So, I'm thinking: "Why don't they just haul the alligator about thirty miles into some swamp. The odds of it ever coming back would be long, indeed." L.E.D.---AND, your point? kronk---I felt compelled to share. L.E.D.---OK, I guess that's allowed. This is, afterall, a free country. (For the time being, anyway) |
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Date: 9/12/2021 10:36:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
So, in theory these reptiles aren’t necessarily serial killers and are ok to be set out on parole? |
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Date: 9/12/2021 5:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry Even a cold and callus thing like me, understands the difference between a dumb beast and a politician. While I could never trust either, I think that on some obscure existential plain, I could ultimately forgive the beast for ruining my life. L.E.D.---What? That's about the most idiotic statement to come out of your mouth in the last thirteen hours. kronk---It's just like...I'm feeling it. L.E.D.---Oh, Lord. |
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