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Date: 7/30/2021 10:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Surely Hekler can appreciate this Joke, right?  |
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Date: 7/30/2021 10:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...this is the best joke you've ever poated! I'm thinking about nominating it for the "Actually Doesn't Suck" award. What an honor that will be for you! People might not run away from you anymore! This is the opportunity knocking that has always evaded you!  |
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Date: 7/30/2021 10:52:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I'm not used to flattery..or in this case sarcasm in disguise. Actually Doesn't Suck Award doesn't really have a ring to it. But if prize money is awarded then count me in! |
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Date: 7/31/2021 7:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...how in the world could you construe my reply as sarcasm? Just because I mentioned that the joke didn't make me want to blow chunks like usual doesn't mean that I wasn't being honest. |
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Date: 7/31/2021 8:07:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Please forgive me. I do apologize. See, I have trust issues with used car salespeople and critics that have sense of humor…..I’m sure you’ll understand. Now, about that prize money…… |
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Date: 7/31/2021 8:08:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
“No” sense of humor….typo…..I need the prize money for a spell check….. |
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Date: 7/31/2021 8:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...okay, so you want a cash award. FINE! All I have at present is 42,025 Iranian Rials Don't spend it all in one place. |
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Date: 7/31/2021 8:46:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Can I at least get that in the current Canadian currency rate. I know you don’t like American currency. BTW, how are you and the Ayatollah getting along these days? |
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Date: 7/31/2021 8:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...I think the exchange rate for 42,025 Iranian rials equals about one U.S. dollar. You never said anything about a HUGE cash award so suck it up. FYI, I don't like the Ayatollah, but the Shah was a good bowling buddy. |
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Date: 7/31/2021 9:32:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Speaking of sucking it up, you still sell vacuum cleaners door to door? Of course I didn’t say anything about the amount of the cash prize. Trust issues, remember? No surprise there. When Nixon was President, had a bowling alley built in the lower level of the White House. He had a bowing buddy as well. The Shah. What a coincidence! |
Date: 8/1/2021 10:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry  A guy told me pretty much the same thing, when we stopped for gas, on our honeymoon. "The wife" and I just made fifty years together, last month. I won't say that our relationship didn't have a few "bumps in the road." A couple of assassination attempts, (her, not me. I'm a pacifist) a bit of prison time, (I visited her once a month) and then there was "the talking dog," but anyway.Keep it real, amigo. (or, at least, sorta real)   |
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Date: 8/1/2021 11:32:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Frankly Kronk, congratulations on keeping it real yourself mister. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 1:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry ...you're interested in a vacuum? I thought your lifestyle would have filled that bill but, if you're sure, I can sell you a good used Electrolux with all the bells and whistles! |
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Date: 8/1/2021 1:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...I knew that there was something about your name that was triggering a memory. Once you mentioned your wife's trip to the incarceration facility, everything clicked! I went back to this site and went through the archives and found this page...is that her? https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51351790485_e3e4722857_o.jpg |
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Date: 8/1/2021 1:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...P.S. Kronk...I sure hope she isn't afflicted with that bad case of pink eye anymore. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 2:59:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
So Hekler , does your bowling average suck as bad as yo do? |
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Date: 8/1/2021 3:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...no. it's about your level. Of course, I haven't bowled in years so I may be as bad as you by now. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 4:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
With all the bells and whistles no doubt. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 5:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler That picture sure brought back lots of memories. Kathleen was actually my Great Grand Uncle Ajax's daughter. She wouldn't leave home and when Ajax tried to forcibly kick her out, she lashed out. I'm not sure what she was actually charged with, but my great cousin Lizzy said it was aggravated castration. "The wife" served her time in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. She tried to break Richard Nixon's left pinky. At the time, I actually had "some" credibility and "they" released her on "my" own reconnaissance. (I knew things that they needed verified.) Anyway, "she" became a fledgling "Praying Mantis" martial artist (The eighteen month course.) and upon her release, volunteered to guard Nixon, with her life. "They" said that there were no positions open and "the wife" got a part time job, (Friday, Saturday and Tuesday night) at Marshall Dillon's Long Branch, tossing out mean drunks. She's just sweet as poutine, er, eh I mean pudding, when you get to know her. (Just don't make any sudden moves. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 6:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...My apologies for jumping to the conclusion that the lady in the photo was your wife just because she shared your name. I'm sure that a lot of female members of your family have served time at one point in their life or another. It was stupid of me to rely on guesswork when I posted that link. It would be akin to you having the surname "Smith" and, after doing a perfunctory search online, I found a Chinese woman with the last name of Smith and automatically made the assumption that she was a relative of yours. Richard Nixon would probably benefitted from your wife's presence. He might have gone on to a third term with her help. She certainly sounds to be a formidable woman though and if she dislikes sudden moves she may be the perfect type to hold a position as landlord in an apartment that I once lived in. There were lots of sudden moves, usually in the dead of night and with a lot of scrappy old furniture left behind. Her vigilance may have recouped a lot of unpaid rents. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 6:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry...the bells and whistles are to keep you occupied since I can't be there to jingle my key ring to amuse you. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 7:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Don’t let Hekler fool you with false modesty and insincere apologies Kronk. He’s only sucking up to you in order to sell your wife a vacuum cleaner……. |
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Date: 8/1/2021 7:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...does your wife need a new vacuum cleaner? I'll arrange for a good one for her. I sold the last piece of dumpster junk to Hey Larry. Wait until he plugs it in. LOL! |
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Date: 8/1/2021 7:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry...I'm just kidding about the vacuum I sold you. The motor will NOT blow up and there is neither a dye pack nor a glitter bomb inside of it. |
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Date: 8/2/2021 1:04:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
That may be, but it came from Chernobyl and I can vacuum at night. |
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Date: 8/2/2021 1:05:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Courtesy of HeklerCo. |
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Date: 8/2/2021 9:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
HeklerCo. A proud Canadian company. Not made in China like all those phony American products. |
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Date: 8/2/2021 10:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Actually, "the wife" got rid of our domestic servant and assigned me, the job of keeping the house vacuumed. (It's a shame, too, `cause I felt that "Chiquita" and I were just beginning to "really" communicate.) At first, I purchased something called a "pet vacuum" and tried to get L.E.D. to haul the thing around the house. I even had a custom made harness fabricated. He never really warmed to the idea and eventually hauled the vacuum into the neighbors swimming pool, nearly drowning himself and totally destroying the vacuum's mother board. If you have anything "industrial strength" in your product line, we may be able to do business. I'm tired of messing around with substandard suction. I want something that will suck a wolverine through the eye of a needle. I miss "Chiquita." |
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Date: 8/2/2021 2:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk! This is your lucky day! I had a buyer that sprung for a radical conversion but backed out at the last minute. It's a John Deere model 4052R yard tractor that has been converted into a vacuum cleaner. What a beauty! You won't be needing to move the furniture to clean with this baby. Just ram it aside and if the wife has a snit, let her move it back. You did the vacuuming, RIGHT? Just think of how envious Bob next door will be! You could probably even charge him to drive it AND get your chores done while you lay in your hammock catching some rays and drinking margaritas. You'll have to move fast on this one though. Nancy Pelosi was by the shop the other day and she had that gleam in her eyes when she saw it. She may not be up to any good and I would still rather have you be the proud owner. |
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Date: 8/2/2021 2:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I must be getting senile...I forgot to include a photo of the vacuum: https://www.deere.ca/assets/images/region-4/products/tractors/utility-tractors/4-family-compact-utility-tractors/4052r/4052r_cut_studio_r4a039707_large_8e3478cb2787c33221cf83d812fb6978a21f1f59.jpg |
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Date: 8/4/2021 6:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler That machine sounds like exactly what I need. Bob (my smack freak/mayor, friend, across the street) is perhaps even more taken with your description, than I am. He tells me that we should acquire the machine, at any cost. We're working on a document that will bypass all legit protocol and find it's way to the desk of Biden's press secretary within twenty one hours. According to the document: Bob and I (not our real names) are undocumented, unvaccinated, ethnic, Peruvians, seeking asylum in the USA and needing a grant (for $247,000.95- American) to purchase your vacuum as the foundation of our delousing business. "Bob" (not his real name) and I (not my real name, either) are confident that "Joe" will expedite the grant on the basis of his "extreme" humanitarianism. We'll be "sucking louse" in no time. (and at three grand per head. Well, you can just imagine.) Always |
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