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Date: 7/13/2021 6:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
I’m here L.E.D., how may I assist you in your time of need? Disclaimer: I do this of my own free will and am not seeking any personal gain such as….oh, let’s say…..employee of the month.  |
Date: 7/13/2021 7:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry  L.E.D.--Thank you for coming, sir. Sarcasm, satire, rapier wit...That silence in the halls of USM is too intense. If I hold my brain just right, I can hear Aretha Franklin belting out "Chain of Fools" in the background. I gotta' catch that train. You got my vote, amigo. Rage on.....  |
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Date: 7/13/2021 9:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Cheer up L.E.D., It could always be worse…….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHh0V7UjVXI . I feel like that at times. But if not for the sanctuary we call USM |
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Date: 7/13/2021 10:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Now if you really want a good laugh, check out Hekler’s nephew…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ0yjYUFKAE |
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Date: 7/14/2021 1:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'd like to nominate Hey Larry for employee of the month. Slap his driver's license photo in a frame and plaster it all over the walls here. Let's make him feel important while continuing to pay him below scale and make him work with sociopaths and those that have less sentience than a radish. Great Job Hey Larry! One day you might just become President!  |
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Date: 7/14/2021 1:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...L.E.D. ...I'm writing a book about a certain person that just bought some real estate on the sun. I gave him a really good deal too and threw in a free pair of shades and some SPF 7000 blocker. What a sucker! |
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Date: 7/14/2021 1:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
Dear Readers... Hey Larry has posted a link to what he claims is my nephew. This is not the case. The only reason that anyone EVER heard of Justin Bieber is because people south of the border in those Untied States kept buying his stupid music. The same goes for old what's-her-name that now resides in Vegas. |
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Date: 7/14/2021 5:57:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry L.E.D. here: I'm back on top, again. One of the neighbor's three day old chickens escaped and wandered into my territory. I had it with half a carrot and two sprigs of fresh basil. Yep, that and a fine dose of mid week satire, turned me right around. You're the best. .... EAT MORE CHICKEN!!! |
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Date: 7/14/2021 6:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler L.E.D. here: Happy you could make it and thanks for coming. Last night, kronk went into his "white room" and bolted the door. I slid the portrait of his Aunt Karen Crow aside, and manned my peep hole. (Don't tell him.) He was trying on a couple of striped orange sun dresses. I also spied a pair of "DIAMANTE JEWELLED, Blue + Gold, Crystal Embellished, Bling shades" lying on the bed. You have excellent taste. "One born, every minute."  Write on...... |
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Date: 7/14/2021 7:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...L.E.D. ...curiosity has me by the ear once again and I just have to ask: Does Kronk's white room have black curtains and is it near a station? Also, could you possibly post a pic of Kronk in the sun dress? People doing a Google search for that kind of thing might just bring in some new members to USM. Hey Larry could post his chicken crossing the road joke and have them rolling in the aisle. |
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Date: 7/15/2021 12:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Thanks for the Employee of the Month nod, after working with you for these past 20 years I’d say it is long overdue. If I do become President one day, I could adopt you and call you Don, Jr.and you can go on t.v. to show the world how smart you are. Now eat your pablum and be a good boy. |
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Date: 7/15/2021 12:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Dear readers, Hekler is being far too modest. Not only is he Justin’s Uncle, he’s also in charge of the conservatory…..Free Brittany! |
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Date: 7/15/2021 2:41:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler L.E.D. here: Yep; that's the place. He even has a "tired starling" in a corner. (I hate that bird. All it does is cry "well? well? well?" all day long. I wish I would have known that you wanted those pictures. Unfortunately, I have turned over exclusive rights to "The Enquirer." They gave me a used laptop and cash, enough for three years of internet. I look at the deal as my first step, towards independence. (I wanted more, but "they" told me that old dudes in sundresses were not really a big deal, anymore.) |
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Date: 7/15/2021 5:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...about that tired starling...I don't think it's sleeping. Hey Larry is more of an expert in the field than I am so you may wish to confer with him about it. In the meantime, I'm going to contact the Enquirer and see if they'll let me use that sundress photo. I'll keep you posted. |
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Date: 7/15/2021 6:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler I wouldn't take L.E.D. very seriously. He sleeps at least eighteen hours a day and wakes up in a different dimension, every time. The garment that he "claims" to have seen me trying on was, in fact, a Benedictine monk's frock, in a burnt sienna brown. (I've about decided that I need to embrace another calling.) Anyway, the little mugger can't tell the difference between seersucker and chiffon. He even painted a moustache on my Aunt Karen Crow's portrait |
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Date: 7/15/2021 7:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...are you sure about that Kronk? I managed to get through to the archivist at the Enquirer and explained to her that it was a deep bucket list desire of yours to come out of the closet wearing that outfit. She was very sweet about the whole deal and shot me off the file for free. Now, the question is: Is this you or someone that lives the same lifestyle as you do? I could have posted this but I figured that you would want to be the one to do that so here's the photo: https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51314449548_657f501744_o.jpg |
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Date: 7/17/2021 5:36:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler No, that's not me. The chin is too weak and I only have one ear. (I was winning the fight and Pelosi gnawed the ear off and threw it to her pet Gila monster, Swalwell.) |
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Date: 7/17/2021 7:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...that's a battle wound of distinction Kronk! Will you be expanding on this story more in your memoirs? People want to hear the whole story! |
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Date: 7/17/2021 7:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...here's a fun fact. Nancy Pelosi was the inspiration for Richard Kiel's character "Jaws" in two James Bond films.. |
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Date: 7/18/2021 7:59:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler I miss my ear, for sure, but I can't help admire the workmanship that went into her dentures. The cut was laser clean, but I still suffer terribly from infection. (poison saliva) I thought about selling the story, but my attorney advised against it. He said, "Take the pain and be patient. Like any good predator, she'll eventually come for the other ear and then I can get her for "theft of property with a value greater than $995.00." |
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Date: 7/18/2021 2:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
,...Kronk...I'm unsure if you had ever considered tucking an anti-personnel mine in behind your ear on the event that Pelosi will come back to finish the job. Wouldn't that be a heck of a surprise for her? |
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Date: 7/18/2021 5:57:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler What an excellent idea! I know this dude in Angola, who can make a miniature, anything. Wouldn't "Nan Nan" be surprised when she tried whispering sweet nothings, into my little claymore. |
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