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Date: 2/17/2021 11:29:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Bring Buffalo Fried Squirrel to your next get together. Not only will everyone love it, you can bet no one else will serve them. Yep, I think I can pretty much count on that.  |
Date: 2/18/2021 3:59:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
They’re great for tailgate parties or if you are hanging with the good old boys down by the noodling hole at the local river.  |
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Date: 2/18/2021 4:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Do you know how to call a squirrel if you don’t have a phone? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MreMonAC3Yw |
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Date: 2/18/2021 1:28:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...well, it sure appears that the chubby kid in the photo above loves them a LOT! The fact that he appears to be fed with his food in a trough should be no reason to cast disparaging remarks about the origins of the meal itself. Dig in and enjoy your bushy-tailed treat! |
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Date: 2/18/2021 1:57:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...that squirrel call video was very interesting. I'll have to try it in the springtime when the squirrels are out and about more often. Everyone should give this a try when they want all the squirrels in the area to come and get their nuts. |
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Date: 2/18/2021 3:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
I'm certainly surprised to see how well you've managed to work your way around leaving a snarky comment. I suppose you prefer they use a feed bag instead? |
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Date: 2/18/2021 3:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
As to your second comment...well sophomoric humor never gets old. |
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Date: 2/18/2021 3:33:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...have you ever known me to leave a snarky comment in the past? |
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Date: 2/18/2021 3:37:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I know! The only thing wrong with soporific humor is that I get tired every time I see it. |
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Date: 2/18/2021 3:50:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I missed replying to your feed bag comment. This might be a preferable way of feeding the kid as he always used to get his head stuck in the pot. After many paramedic visits to remove the pot from his head, one enterprising neighbor fashioned the trough for him out of sheet metal but what it gains in containing the overflow from his feeding frenzies, it sorely loses when it comes to the conveniences of mobility and ease of use. |
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Date: 2/18/2021 5:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
^^^ You sir, have convinced me to believing that fairytales are a lot like politicians....and if you sprinkle enough fairy dust then you can fly! |
Date: 2/18/2021 6:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler  "L.E.D." writing: Hope that you are well and not frozen. Being that the southern United States was recently transformed, if only temporarily, into the "Great White South," I can only imagine how cold it is in the "Great White North." I, personally, fared well throughout the ordeal. My mistress (the former Mrs. Kronk) had the hacienda well provisioned with round steak, canned rabbit and extremely expensive champagne. I, personally have developed a great fondness for "Krug Clos D’Ambonnay."I wasn't going to mention my former associate, Kronk, but since you may "possibly" be interested: Kronk's new address is in Central America. You "may" be able to reach him at: "Prisonero # 0031729, Centro Penal de La Esperanza, La Esperanza, Intibuca, Honduras" (A little something "extra" for the warden may improve your chances.) Anyway, enough about that poor shmuck. I believe we were discussing squirrels? I'm actually quite fond of the little bushy tailed rodents. Back in the days when squirrels had "retractable claws," I once took out one female and seven male squirrel, in the space of three minutes. You, see, (and remember this, `cause it may just come in handy, in the years to come.) the time to take squirrels is in early spring and again in summer. Many wild animals throw "caution to the wind" during mating season and our friend "the squirrel" is among the most perverse. On this particular occasion, I was moving very stealthily, through a primeval forest. I had a craving for nightcrawler. (Back then, they grew to the size of a healthy king cobra and once you shook the dirt out of `em, they made an excellent hors d'oeuvre.) My hearing was, and still is, in fact, quite good and I could actually hear the worms moving through the alluvial turf. I had just located a good one (I'm guessing about twelve feet.) when the most god awful commotion put me off my sounding. At the base of a giant ginkgo biloba tree, no less than seven large male squirrel were engaged in a tail biting, ear chewing, eye gouging, free for all. Upon further observation, I observed the cause of all the consternation; a mature squirrel female (doe) sitting on one of the lower branches of the tree. She seemed to be enjoying the show. So much, in fact, that she failed to notice my approach. I made my way up the tree, behind her, (I had retractable claws, in those days, too.) and laded a "preying mantis style kung fu move" on her. Silent and deadly, is the only way to go, you know? So, I tucked the old girl into a nearby fork (in a very provocative pose, no less) and let go with my best, "Come and get me, baby. There's never been anybody but you. What in the world are you waiting for?" never fail, call `em in, female squirrel call. Well, it didn't take long. After a couple of bars of that tune, the boys tore up that tree and right into my "gapping maw." Bloody work and fast paced as all get out, too, but I was pumped up and those squirrels were sooooo dumb.  I buried the lot in a nearby crevasse. I was, after all, in a mood for nightcrawler. tenía que hacerse  |
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Date: 2/18/2021 9:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...L.E.D. I have to tell you, I'm feeling a little smug when I see photos and video of people in the southern U.S. having such a difficult time with the snow and colder weather. Up here, we call that "summer". Don't get me wrong: I feel for the people that are hurting right now and do not relish in their suffering but it never ceases to amaze me how a little bit of the "white stuff" can cause such pandemonium and breakdown in infrastructure. I have sent Kronk a "birthday cake" with a Sawzall hidden inside. I hope he doesn't chip a tooth in his frenzy to devour it and the guards don't get suspicious when he requests an extension cord. I have also included a packet containing twenty-five thousand Honduran Lempira. That should be enough to charter a quick flight away from his incarceration. Your squirrelling exploits have once again left me in awe of your capabilities and your deceptive ways. I imagine that those squirrels wouldn't have seen you coming even if you had worn bells and had a neon sign proclaiming "DEATH TO SQUIRRELS" blazing away above your snout. It is also a fine thing that you did by cleaning the mess up after your bloodlust rampage. That shows exceptional character. Please keep me informed as to Kronk's progress towards freedom. He may not be terribly accepting of the way you've shacked up with his missus but you're probably better for her in the long run anyway. Get him a hamster and that should keep him occupied for a couple of years. |
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Date: 2/19/2021 5:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Thanks for the cake and the saw. Luckily, I am blessed with a "severely" gap-toothed grin. I attacked the thing, like a bull shark jumping on a pile of cow entrails. I about choked to death on the cord, but then, as I up chucked, it dawned on me that I needed electricity. One of my keepers, a Mormon expatriate from Miami, named "Joe" hooked me up. (I gave him the little green candy flowers off the cake) "The money" came in handy, too. I mean, who can't use two dollars and fifty cents? (The Honduran Lempira / U.S. dollar, exchange rate ain't what it used to be.) No matter, though. The cash was enough to bribe Joe's cousin "El Ray" to open my cell and turn his back while I put a sleeper hold on the gate man. As I type this, I am pushing through the Sierra Madre Oriental, in route to Puebla. "El Ray" slipped his old "Galaxy Note" into my pocket. (What a guy, eh?) He's upgrading to the "new 21+" I should make Loredo in about two months and I'll just drift on in to Texas, with the other hombres. Thanks again. |
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Date: 2/19/2021 6:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...as a further service to you, I have arranged for another Galaxie that you may be able to utilize. There is a brand new Kum and Go convenience on the outskirts of Laredo. In the southeast corner of the parking lot is a green 1965 Ford Galaxie Custom. It doesn't look like much on the outside but it's a hauler with the new 429 Super Cobra Jet transplant. You could start a new "Blues Brothers" legend. |
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Date: 2/20/2021 5:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Man, I just had to post and let you know. I commandeered the ford. It was exactly where you said, which is awesome. I have the utmost respect for a man who can give good directions. You would be surprised at some of the hog wash that folks try and pass off as expertise. Case in point: I remember going to a "Rolling Stones" concert and parking in the lot, with about eighty thousand other freaks. When I pulled into the parking lot, the weather was rather muddled, or maybe it was my head. I dunno? "The Stones" tore it up and I was really enjoying myself, but had to leave before the concert was over. (bad reaction to "the medicine," I guess.) So, I stagger out the building, approach a uniformed person and ask if he can help me find my ride. He asked me to describe the vehicle and when I did, he pointed in the general direction of north by northwest, and said "It's probably over there." Well, I'm thinking, "Wow, that was easy" and take off. Turns out that guy didn't know how to give directions. I wandered around in that lot for forty five minutes and never found the car. I finally collapsed next to a green "280 Z" and waited there until all 80,000 people left. I finally found my car, a half hour later, and sure enough, that guy's direction were off by a half degree. Some people. Anyway, I hammered down on that Galaxy and I want to tell you that for a second, I thought that I was going "Back to the Future!" Whoever transplanted that engine needs to be on my Christmas list. Aside from almost ending up in Lake Casa Blanca, it was a pretty uneventful trip. I made it to the Austin city limits in about twenty seven minutes. I had to stop and get gas at a station with a sign that had a picture of a brontosaurus on it and while filling up, I heard a noise that appeared to be coming out of the trunk. Upon further investigation, that noise turned out to be none other than my estranged "talking dog," along with the corpses of twenty three "nine banded armadillo." Well, of course, I immediately asked for an explanation, but L.E.D. put me off, while he went inside and paid for the gas. (He used his "Ports to Plains Alliance" card.) When he returned, he motioned for me to move over, cast a paper sack full of magnum red hot fireballs, assorted flavors of moon pies and a couple of pairs of cheap sunglasses unto my lap and said: "I'm driving! Count that stuff out and divide it equally...."It's 473 miles to the Louisiana Border! We have a full tank of gas, enough sugar to keep us awake for six hours, and it's getting dark, so put on your sunglasses! We're on a mission from God." |
Date: 2/23/2021 4:25:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
LOL  |
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