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Date: 1/9/2021 5:29:00 AM
From Authorid: 16061
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic... And that aftershave is just wonderful!" The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother." By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."  |
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Date: 1/9/2021 6:20:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
What’s the difference between Hey Larry & Hekler? Stile just gave us the rest of the story...... (Apologies to Paul Harvey)  |
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Date: 1/9/2021 7:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...but there are parts of the story that you don't want to be revealed. Being a G-rated site, I can't divulge the events that occurred when the man had to use the washroom.  |
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Date: 1/9/2021 7:08:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I see.....so...you had to be there,eh? |
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Date: 1/9/2021 7:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...I wasn't there but it was splashed all over the front page the next day. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 8:38:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I never knew Canada had tabloid papers/ magazines. Or do you freelance for the National Inquisitor? |
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Date: 1/9/2021 8:47:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...no, I don't work for or print a paper. i do post signs along the roadway much the same as the old Burma Shave ads. "Keep on driving/get the news/3 miles more/for toilet views |
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Date: 1/9/2021 8:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
For duty and humanity, good one. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 9:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 16061
I was going to make a toilet joke but realised it would just be a flash in the pan. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 9:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...no toilet jokes here please...you'll flush out the admins! |
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Date: 1/9/2021 9:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...and if you do that, urinal lot of trouble! |
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Date: 1/9/2021 10:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 16061
I suppose I don't really want to be sent to the head or get bogged down in it all. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 10:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 16061
I will just have to be Privy to it. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 12:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...oh look! ^ it's W.C. Fields! |
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Date: 1/9/2021 12:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...another Democrat that voted for Joe Bidet. |
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Date: 1/9/2021 12:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...and it gets to the point where it's sink or swim. |
Date: 1/9/2021 3:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
LOL hahahahahaha!!  |
Date: 1/10/2021 7:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry  I have to tell you that, in my humble opinion, that is the best one, yet. Write on.....  |
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Date: 1/10/2021 8:59:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Kronk, I appreciate your support. However, what does L.E.D. think? |
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Date: 1/10/2021 4:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry I actually have "L.E.D." on the line, this very moment. I decided to come home, but he has elected to remain "somewhere" on the equator, for the time being.....What's that you say? It's Hey Larry. You remember him. He posts the jokes....Well, why don't you tell him, yourself?...What do you mean; JUST DO IT and shut up?...Oh, yeah! Just remember, you'll want to come back home, one day, when those parrots figure out that you're not the "emperor of the avian nation."....Yeah! Well, same to you! Sorry about that, Hey Larry. L.E.D. says that he enjoys your posts very much. Of course, the surly little mugger adds that he would enjoy the jokes even more if, and I quote: "More fauna, especially canines, were cast as main characters." end of quote. "The Talking Dog" is becoming quite the activist, when it suits him, anyway. He's got those parrots hoodwinked for the time being, but they'll turn on him, sooner or later. Probably, when he eats one of them. Later, amigo. Keep your powder dry. |
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Date: 1/10/2021 4:16:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Well, with that knowledge I’ll sleep better tonight! |
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Date: 1/10/2021 6:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'm beginning to think that the dog is a mercenary. Traveling the world and never giving an exact location and always a suspicious sounding alibi. |
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Date: 1/10/2021 6:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Sounds like it would make an interesting reboot of “Have Gun Will Travel” doesn’t it? |
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Date: 1/10/2021 10:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...probably closer to "Dog, the Bounty Hunter" but it could be adapted to a varied number of scenarios. "James Hound, Doggie 07"...or a Wild West show "Bone Nanza". |
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Date: 1/11/2021 7:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler "Mercenary," is putting it mildly. The little scoundrel switches sides faster than the defendants at a racketeering investigation. Even as we speak, he's "somewhere" on the equator, promising those parrots that he will have the local tree boas defanged and disarm all the indigenous people. |
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Date: 1/11/2021 8:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk... At least that's what he told you. Aside from being a mercenary, he may also be running a drug cartel. If I were you, I'd check the doghouse when he's away and see if you can find any bundles of cash. The last thing you need is to be implicated if the ATF, FBI and Homeland Security kick your door down. If you tell them he's a "good boy" they'll probably not be too harsh on sentencing. |
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Date: 1/12/2021 12:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler ....."The horror.....The horror.."...(Brando said that.) I think you've hit the nail on the head. That talking dog is into some deep "stuff." I'm on the computer at the public library....STOP.....Home surrounded by black, late model, SUVs.....STOP..... Painters Local 4-79 workers, painting all structures on site "Demo Blue.".....STOP....Punched in left kidney, by wife's attorney....STOP....Text message from Talking Dog: "Blue's in! Red's out! Relocate to D.C.!...STOP..You don't know me!"...STOP |
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