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Date: 11/7/2020 9:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
I am sitting on pins and nails as I fully expect a certain regular USMer to comment on our current situation involving the election. I assure one and all that this post has no bearing on the election what so ever, which is bound to create problems that only the Supreme Court of USM will be able to untangle.  |
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Date: 11/7/2020 10:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...I'm about two minutes away from posting a comment on your current situation. While you wait, make up some popcorn and grab a beer. You should stick to water.  |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...in response to your question, I'll have to say...a snoutty finger? |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...a finger with a lot of snout on it? |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:05:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...a whiffing Ziffel? |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...a Ziffle with a sniffle? |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...a very angry pig? |
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Date: 11/7/2020 11:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 5301
...forget the SCOTUS. Let the pig pick out the winner. On second thought, no. He's biased. He'll pick himself. |
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Date: 11/7/2020 12:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...for some, it might mean a new girlfriend or at least an evening out on the town. |
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Date: 11/7/2020 12:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...I wonder... is that hole that they found Saddam Hussein in still around? Asking for a friend. |
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Date: 11/7/2020 1:25:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
The answer is a HAM BOOGER..... . I know...lI know ..Snot Funny |
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Date: 11/7/2020 1:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...right now, I sorta wish I had a HAM MER. |
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Date: 11/7/2020 3:19:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
M.C. Or ball pien...claw?... |
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Date: 11/7/2020 3:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...M.C. Hammer. I always wanted a pair of those parachute pants. Nice and loose where they needed to be. |
Date: 11/7/2020 6:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow..." Hey Larry  "The Deep River Boys" said that and I want to tell you tha....."Oh, yeah! Well I got another one for you, bucko. You're an extremely poor judge of character and how about this one, from Bachman Turner Overdrive; "B-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-nothin' yet."......WHAT!! Get out! Have you no compassion, at all? Can't you see that I'm in mourning!....Sorry, man. This talking dog is worse than a bad case of the squirts. Anyway, I'm actually feeling a little better after that outburst. I suppose that even something as irresponsible as a talking dog may have a place in the grand scheme of things...."LOSER!"....(and, then again, maybe not) Anyway, I'm thinking it may have been the summer of `57. I was pretty young at the time, but I do remember going to visit "my people," during summer vacation. My father loaded us all up in the `53 Chevy and we left Merryville, La. @ 0300, bound for a nameless cypress swamp, just east of "Fat City."...Now, I had made this trip at least twice before and was extremely anxious. Not so much about seeing "my people," but because of the numerous attractions that were located on that stretch of highway. I mean, what five year old doesn't like to visit "The Snake Farm?" Last time I was there, the spitting cobra hawked 2.83 grams of instant death at a crippled ship rat and the rat ended up chewing the snake's head off. You don't see cool stuff like that, just anywhere. There was also a place where this really sly looking dude had pitched a tent and charged people fifteen cents to come in and mess with a monkey. The monkey was one of those chimpanzees and the main thing that I remember is that the man put lots of perfume on the monkey. I mean, even to my child nose, that monkey smelled good. Besides the cage with the sweet smelling monkey in it, the proprietor also sold funnel cakes. The deal was; you paid the entrance fee, bought yourself a funnel cake (5 cents) and went over to the cage and tormented the monkey, with the food....Now, for the record, I did not participate in, as "my people" called it; "this vile exploitation of another life form." This confused me, somewhat, because I had personally witnessed "my people" beating adolescent alligators to death with homemade ironwood clubs. When I questioned them about it, I was simply told "reptiles ain't got no soul." I remember one trip; I had just come back from sharing my funnel cake with the sweet smelling monkey, when this drunk guy staggers in, buys a funnel cake and commences to start teasing the monkey. You know, some folk say that being drunk is really cool, and it sure looked like that drunk guy was having a real good time harassing the sweet smelling monkey. UNTIL, the guy got a little too close to the cage. I mean, that monkey snatched the drunk guys hand, hauled him against the bars of the cage and rearranged it's grip to where he had the drunk guys head between his hands and then proceeded to slam the guys head against the cage about eighteen times. On the way out, my dad laid a nickel on counter and told the proprietor, "Now that was a heck of a show. Buy that monkey a funnel cake."......The man asked about pigs, you idiot!...."Sometimes, he makes good sense. (the talking dog, that is) "...Then, there was the time that my father, much to mother's dismay, decided to stop at one of the lesser thought of attractions on the route. At first glance, this attraction looked to be nothing more than an extremely seedy bar. The name of the place was, "The Pen," and while children were not allowed to enter the area where booze was dispensed, for two cents a head, the kids were issued a wooden clothespin and allowed to pick their way through the wrecked cars, used drill bits and discarded down hole tools, to the back of the honky tonk. Imagine this: (if you will) What could be cooler to a five year old boy than a forty by forty stockade, inhabited by at least thirteen huge swine, wallowing around up to their bellies in the reeking mud. COOL! Some of those pigs looked as big as our VW beetle. I can remember watching the hogs for two or three hours, at a time, while my father "conducted business" in the bar. Mother would lose interest, turn her clothespin in (there was a one cent deposit) and head back to wait in the car....You are really sick! Who would enjoy wearing a wooden clothespin on their nose and spending hours watching a bunch of pigs wading in the mud?...."Will you back off, I'm almost done."....Thank heaven for that...Ugh!.....The real show started when a mess-boy opened the back door and poured about forty gallons of stale beer into the hog trough......And that's it? You spent hours standing around, watching drunken swine negotiate a quagmire? Are you kidding me!......"Yes, indeed. Ranks right up there with watching a presidential election."....So, I guess my answer is "beer."   |
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Date: 11/7/2020 6:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...jeez Kronk! That reply was as hurtful to my eyes as a trip down the Vegas strip would've been for Roy Orbison. I sure am glad that you went on to explain about the monkey and the funnel cake. When you first mentioned the perfumed monkey and the fifteen cent fee to mess with it, something totally different than teasing came to mind. I first thought there must have been a shortage of wimmen in your neck of the woods. Thanks for clearing that up. |
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Date: 11/7/2020 10:56:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5940
Hekler told me he’s fond of funnel cake. Coincidence? Tease him and we’ll find out. You’ve had a terrific childhood Kronk, the one I had was boring by comparison as I did things like amusement parks or fish hatcheries or campgrounds. |
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Date: 11/8/2020 5:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
To whom it may concern: I am L.E.D. (the talking dog) but, you can call me Lucky Dog.....Kronk is unable to respond, at the moment, because he made himself sick while trying to proofread his comment. Honestly; have you ever seen a worse example of drunken formatting? Sheeeeesh.....hiahia pai koe |
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Date: 11/8/2020 6:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Ahhhh, Vegas! Must've been the summer of `81. I can see it as if it were yesterday. "After seven hours perched on the same forty eight inch stool at the silver bar, next to the "Merri Mint Theater, at the fabulous Mint Hotel & Casino, I felt a sever........" GRRRRRRR! "Ouch! Let go of me, you maniacal k-9!" |
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Date: 11/8/2020 10:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk... if you don't want that to happen again, send the hooch up to me.I'll just fall asleep on the keyboard and all you'll get out of me is a whole pile of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
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