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Date: 10/22/2020 8:12:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...actually, I think the hand waving was sort of a deterrent to keep the fly from coming back.  |
Date: 10/22/2020 8:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 28125
This is so great...thanks for the laugh tonight...ICL~*~*~*~PA  |
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Date: 10/22/2020 8:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...thanks Princess Amy. If you were watching that too, you probably couldn't stop watching those darn hands either. |
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Date: 10/22/2020 8:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 28125
Actually I didn't even notice his hands much until I saw this...but yeah seriously...what the heck...LOL... |
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Date: 10/22/2020 8:38:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...it's probably just me. I get easily distracted by shiny things and movement. |
Date: 10/23/2020 6:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
I find the hand puppet even more distracting, not to mention creepy. You should put a parental guidance label on this post . Halloween prank or not.....  |
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Date: 10/23/2020 9:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I'll assume that you are also afraid of clowns. Childhood must have been terribly awkward for you. |
Date: 10/23/2020 4:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler  I never watch those, `cause I inevitably try and "slap `em upside they head," for acting silly in front of an international audience. I ruined two perfectly good flat screens before I finally wised up. So, I guess "that's all I have to say about that." On another note (you didn't really think you could get rid of me that easily. Well, did ya?) Sorry. I couldn't help noticing your frog. It must've been late spring of `62. The family was out under the oak trees, gathered `round the black iron skillet and literally salivating, in anticipation of the fried frog legs that my Uncle Mac was whipping up. Gathering frogs was a great pastime, in the old country. Usually, it was a three person job. Two would paddle the canoe and the other person wielded the "frog grabber," which is how the frogs were captured. Now, this "frog grabber" was a metal contraption that sort of looked like a "W" on the end of a long bamboo pole and kind of worked like a mouse trap. The thing was spring loaded, so that when you touched the frog with the middle section, the other two sections would close and trap the frog. There was, however, one rather annoying proviso to capturing frogs in this manner. One could trap the frog in this way, but under no circumstance could the device break the frog's skin. What? Hey, I didn't make the rules and there was a stiff fine if the game wardens checked the sack and found a "punctured" frog. Simple enough? (I didn't think so, either, but anyway.) The idea being that the rowers would propel the canoe around "frogly" looking areas, slowly approach any visible frogs, then, grab `em and "carefully" put `em in a sack. Why, carefully, you ask? Because, all the previous frogs that you'd captured were very much alive and, if given half a chance, would leap out of the sack and escape. Ugh! So, that's the process. Now, back to feast. Aunt Bernadette was amongst the folk around the frog frying station. She would never touch a frog leg, let alone eat one. She considered frogs to be "low creatures" because (and I quote) "Those things will eat anything that will fit inside their mouth, including each other." Bernadette didn't mess with frogs, but she had no such aversion to good gin. Knowing this, Uncle Mac (slightly addled with gin, himself) had saved one of the frogs (still very much alive) and, on a break from his frying duties, had casually inserted the frog down into the collar of Aunt Bernadette's dress.....I will not go into further detail because what transpired next was one of those "dark moments" in the history of "my people."...Don't forget to vote!....donadagohvi  |
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Date: 10/23/2020 6:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
I’ll assume that you have no clue who “Pennywise or the town of”Derry” might be? Or......are you returning after a 30 year nap? |
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Date: 10/24/2020 4:33:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Say Kronk, by any chance is there a larger version of that frog grabber available? Or if you can send a diagram then I can take it from there.....asking for a friend. Thanks in advance, and I’ll keep the fire going and the beer chillin^ |
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Date: 10/24/2020 10:39:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...I think I'll team up with your Aunt Bernadette. You can have all the frogs and the crawfish too. If you feel a hankerin' for any other sea spiders or varmints, feel free to indulge yourself. I'll stick to the safe things...peanut butter, taters and bologna. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 10:45:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry...don't be underestimating the restorative properties of 30 year naps. Less stress on the hair follicles so it stayed in place. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 10:47:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...don't give it to him Kronk. I think he's poaching armadillos again. Everyone knows that they're best cooked over a slow heat. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 12:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Well in all honesty clowns do scare me, and I only wish that the current clown you posted about was only a figment of Stephen King’s imagination. As for naps, isn’t it funny that as children we are forced to take naps during first few years of schooling rather than encouraged to go outside and play? Now as an older working adult When I really could use a nap they force me to work. There outta be a law..... |
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Date: 10/24/2020 12:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Kronk, pay no attention to what Hekler is whining over. He is delusional as usual. I assure you no armadillo will be harmed in the process as my “ friend “ is a genius. Much like Tesla. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 12:43:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...I know what you mean about not being able to take naps at work. I overcame this obstacle by modifying a dowsing rod with padding. I'd settle my chin in the "Y" and get a few extra winks. People would think I was doing some serious pondering. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 12:47:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...forget televangelists. Send your hard-earned dollars to: Save the armadillos, c/o Hekler Wildlife Fund, Kelsey's Bar & Grill Ontario |
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Date: 10/24/2020 1:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
I think that Mexico and Siesta go together for a reason. Now you know why the “Wall” has not been successfully constructed. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 1:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Don’t send your hard earned money to a foreign country. Armadillo is Canadian for Nigerian Scam Fund. It’s a shell corporation designed to make you believe that DeBeers is a diamond company when in reality it’s nothing but poor quality beer....... |
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Date: 10/24/2020 4:40:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...the wall wasn't built because you couldn't find any cheap labor. Maybe from another nearby country. Just a thought Mr. Trump. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 4:44:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Save the Armadillos is NOT a scam fund and it's not only armadillos that benefit from your donations. We take endangered armadillos, dogs and senior citizens "out for a ride in the country" and set them free. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 6:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hey Larry About the "frog grabber:" I will probably be drowned in orange tequila and then drawn, quartered and fed to the village swine for divulging this piece of information, but there comes a time in every reef dwellers life when you just got to let it go, man. There was, in fact, a larger version of said "frog grabber." It must have been about the second full year of prohibition. "My people" had retreated deep into the swamp, to avoid persecution. I mean, we're talking about freedom of religion, here! The Anglicans, forced them to worship, indoors, which in itself wasn't "that" bad, not really. But, when they made it a cardinal sin to consume "the great spirit" during the four hour sermons, well...What would you have done? Anyway...They split and the Anglicans sent the revenuers into the swamp with collection plates and air cannon capture nets. "My people" were literally compelled to develop the ominous "oversize" frog grabber, (with the razor sharp edge) in order to facilitate cutting the enemy's purse strings, shoe laces and capture nets. After about three years of running around the swamp, barefoot and penniless, the Anglicans agreed to the "Treaty of Itaintworthit." According to the terms of the treaty, "my people" were permitted to imbibe up to, but no more than, 2 liters of "the great spirit" per hour of sermon. In return, "the Anglicans" insisted that the "oversize" frog grabber be scaled down to actual "frog catching size" and it's razor sharp edges be, forever dulled....(If I'm not executed for treason, I may be able to get you an exact replica of the original for "certain" favors. Call me and if I'm still living, we'll discuss in detail.)...ungawa |
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Date: 10/24/2020 6:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler Poaching armadillos? This is too much. I was indirectly shot by an armadillo, once. |
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Date: 10/24/2020 9:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
We’ll Canada is nearby Psuedo Trudeau, . Looking for work? |
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Date: 10/24/2020 9:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
You are a fan of “Ol’ Yeller” for sure. But make no mistake, I know for a fact it’s no non profit you’re running. You baloney eating scam artist! |
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Date: 10/24/2020 9:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Any relation to Larry McMurtry Kronk? Excellent history of your people and the struggle to worship as they see fit to do so. No doubt they can tell the difference from an armadillo and a Canadian skunk. If by certain favors you are referring to the time honored tradition of defying revenuers then I got the blueprint to DIY your very own still using everyday items around the home, garage, or laboratory. Expect a call soon, but if the operator is asking if you’ll accept the charges then hang up. It’s either Hekler or The Infernal Revenue Service. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 2:34:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk brings us all a new meaning to "armadilloed and dangerous". I think I could sit through a sermon if I was allowed to get tanked. Otherwise, it's a no-go. I was raised on tools, not bibles. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 2:38:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Hey Larry...if I was running a charity, Trump would find a way to squeeze a little juice out of it. His tentacles seem to have a wide and deep reach. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 2:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Yes, Trump makes Emperor Palpatine look like a Care Bear. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 2:45:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Kronk...I won't call like Hey Larry says. My methodology is different and more user-friendly. I'll just send a donation kit with wallet sized self-addressed return envelope and 40 address stickers with your name and address with scenic Canadian views. Your friends will be impressed. Don't waste any on Hey Larry; he's not a friend if he's attempting to dissuade you from making a meaningful contribution to a good cause. It's good cause it will help me buy a new car sound system. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 2:47:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...oh, I saw what you meant about your new postmaster. It must be good to be in a position like that. Kickbacks- the new All-American way. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 3:39:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Given your track record of “smash and grab” I doubt you need money to buy a car sound system. Hows things at the chop shop these days? Perhaps you would be better suited making novelty license plates featuring loons or a drunken drooling moose. We all know a kegger party in the making and all you need is the time and place. You are a user, but I won’t call it friendly. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 4:28:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...them there are some pretty harsh words pardner and in these parts it can only come down to one thing. I'm a dropping the gauntlet and challenging you to a spelling bee! Hah! |
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Date: 10/25/2020 4:30:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...your turn first. Your word is "CAT". Use the word in a sentence and then spell it, |
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Date: 10/25/2020 4:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
The Chernobyl meltdown was CATastrophy of CATaclysmic proportions.. My turn...your word is DEER. |
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Date: 10/25/2020 4:44:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...deer Penthouse. I never believed that it would happen to me. D-E-E-R |
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Date: 10/25/2020 4:47:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...your word is: ANTHROPOMORPHIC |
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Date: 10/25/2020 5:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
The mighty Anthromorphic Power Rangers decidedly became less human while carrying on like a bunch of jackasses. Anthromorphic. Your word is CACODEMOMANIA |
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Date: 10/25/2020 5:43:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...Good going so far Li'l Abner! Hey Larry's obsession with cacodemonomania was, unfortunately, not an obsession. I'll make the next word easy for you: Cornsqueezins' |
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Date: 10/25/2020 5:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 5940
Dem tight fit tin’ boots got my cornsqueezins’ so bad I cried. And now : Trumpisim |
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Date: 10/25/2020 6:22:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 5301
...the American taxpayer felt like the hand of Trumpisin his pocket. You: Mississauga |
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Date: 10/26/2020 3:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
I was dissuaded from attending the Mississauga Southside Shuffle this year due to Covid-19. You: Altamont |
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Date: 11/5/2020 7:44:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
Hekler I'm pretty open minded when it comes to food, but I do draw the line at a few food groups: Alligator---Divide my portion amongst all the diners. Nope, no gator for me......Brussels sprout----Tried it, once. Nope....Shark liver---Tried that, also. I'd have to be starving....Squirrel head---My father had a special weighed spoon he used to "crack open them heads." I never could quite get into that.----Which, brings us to----Armadillo: "Must've been late fall of `85. My son had just turned eleven years old and we were in the forest with our little .22 rifle, shooting tree stumps. It had not rained in a couple of months and the forest was dry. Hark! Something making it's way through the brush and heading right for us. Yep, an armadillo came blundering out of a thicket and about ran over my son's feet. I gave him the nod and away he goes, chasing that armadillo through all manner of briars, brush and vine. Finally, the boy stopped, took careful aim and fired. While we walked over to where he thought the animal should be, I told my son, "You do know, if you killed the thing, we will have to process, cook, and eat it." Well, sure enough, the armadillo lay "dead as a hammer." The boy had made a fine going away shot; dead center of the third eye. With my guidance, the boy skinned and dressed the animal. (minus the hind end, which we had to feed to the hogs, because of severe tissue damage) Then, we seasoned and broiled the fore end, but had to toss the whole thing away because, evidently the bullet had burst every internal organ and gland in the thing, thereby rendering the meat unpalatable. Soooooo, I'm not really anxious to consume and armadillo and if there is a moral to this story, it is: "If you absolutely "must" shoot an armadillo, "Aim for the head, grasshopper. Aim for the head.".....acabado escribir la carta |
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