The Brilliance of A Monster: Chapter XI - Closing In On Indifference .......... By:Scarecrow76

I can honestly tell you that after I burried my friend next to the old man to a graves beneath the bed that they shared, I did not even care anymore. I did not care I was an abomination. I did not care about the misery that had been forced upon me and what was sometimes earned. I did not care that I had a life before. I did not care that the only life I had been able to find had been stolen from me.... AGAIN! A badger could gnaw it's way through my wrist then and I would not have cared. I woud have acknowleged it as people acknowlege finding a dead animal in the forest. I did not care Victor sought my death and killed all that I loved along the way. But I did blame myself for the old man, the dog and the church. Because I let myself become too comfortable with life as I saw it. Now it was all gone due to my lack of vigilance.

Now that fate returned me to a friendless existence and more greif than the devil himself could ever deserve, it was time for me to keep moving. I avoided all people as much as I possibly could. This was somewhat easy as winter was coming on with a vengence but nowhere near as cold as life had become. I fasted and prayed to reach my destination where ever that may be without confrontation and I prayed to find the place where Victor could not follow soon. It seemed for a while that Victor was no longer close by or had accidently lost my trail. This made me happy to think though I kept cautious at all times now. It is a shame to have to live like that when you never asked for existence forced upon you. It seemed like all I would ever find was the majority of people freely punishing me for being what I never was. Besides, I really did not consider myself much of a human bt I never saw myself as a monster due to circumstances.

Just as I started to feel some comfort in my then current situation, I began hearing someone creeping around nearby who seemed to be stalking me. I never caught sight of whomever it was but had an instant feeling of dread. Suddenly I heardd a giggling and began to follow it. Just before I broke through a thicket, I hear running just on the other side of that thicket. I broke through and knew Victor had found me. He had dug up the dog and old man and left their heads as a way of announcing his presence. I burried what was there and wanteed to fly off into a blind rage but my heart was not into it. I was numb to it. I felt like I should keep mvig and ignore such evil and get away from it. Now I was indifferent and allowed my insticts to guide me. I knew I had to find my new home as quickly as possible to not destroy Victor. I had no more greif to greive and no more tears to cry and nothing could make me angry anymore and pain seased to exist.

I did not even have any remaining malce for Victor who as the saga continued managed to attack me several more times. Several more times, I had to restrain myself because even my instincts were telling me to end this. But I resisted and plodded on. My emotions seemed to be dead so I have no idea what motivated my getting up and going on. I had to find a way to end this sick and terrible cycle and the more time went on, the less faith I had that I would ever be void of Victor. After paying the price of having cared for anyone or anything, I now understood I should be alone for anyone I might care about from paying for Victor's hating me so strongly. He proved that he would gladly kill and dishonor all that I love or care for. And as time had gone and slipped into being the past, my understanding this makes me feel good about being alone until my existence ends. Perhaps it's just a melancholy warmpth that has been given rise from the nothingness of the indifference.

By Far te shortest chapter unless I go back an polish it up for readers other than myself. But I did feel exploring these feelings in the psyche of Conrad would be the only way to understand his reactions or lack there of as the story continues. I am rooting for him but it's not looking great.

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