Brilliance of The Monster: Chapter VIII - Nostalgia............... By: Scarecrow76

I remembered my childhood when my father who was a tailor beat me over and over again and my mother who manipulated all that she could. But I do also remember love. I was an insecure person who's joy came from helping others. I rremeber the wealthy hating me because I organized the people against them in a successful although non violent which stripped them of power. We created a territory where we were all equal. I remeber childhood friends and dreams. And I remember.... Oh my God! I had forgotten, I was a father. The most profound knowledge that had come back to me.

I married my wife when I was 19 and she was 16. We were married for 17 years beforeI was arrested unjustly resulting in my execution. Together, we had 4 daughters and 2 sons. She was bueaty no doubt and she was so out of my social status but she loved me any way. She was 5'2" and 85 lbs with the most delicate features. I was sometimes afraid to touch her thinking that she might break. Her eyes were an emerald blue, her hair was a light brown. Her smin was milky white with not a blemish anywhere. She was a entle woan that I never doubted that she had loved the children and I and I never stopped mourning her until her memory was tucked away for a while by the soft reality of death. My only regret is that her time ended far too soon. In our 17th year of marriage she had a fever. Her temperature climbed and climbed as everyone did what they thought would help her. The local doctor said it was probably her apendix and operated on her. I had to hold her as he cut away. She could not be numbed to the pain of the procedure because poppy pil and clover oil only make you forget the pain later but you feel it all the same. The doctor also convinced me to hold her still as possible saying she would die if he gave her medicines and if she did not have the procedure. He discovered she was healthy with no internal organ malfunction or damage. The following day the Doctor said his bandaging of the incision had shifted and thus she now had a staph infection. The following day she cried and wailed and hellucinated. Sadly, by night fall she slipped through my fingers. The love of my life had died.

My eldest son Goeff blamed me for sending for the doctor and then held her down while the doctor butchered her. He left home that year at the age of 15. He joined the german army but was executed for treason when he broke free from the barrics to meet his lady love. This was considered desertion. Funny thing is that I remember him being my best friend when he was a little child. I greive that that ended and wonder if the brain in this body had a soul that is there with my son now but I do know the brain in this body loves and misses him deeply. Our finest hour was when I took him fishing for the first time. He kept telling me emphatically how thankful he was/ I did not set out to do all of the thingshe wanted to at that time but I found myself providding every activity he enjoyed but then as in every parent to child, we spent time together less and less. He felt like I withdrew but I just did not feel welcome to interact with him anymore since like with all teenagers, it is the natural course of things for teens to find conversation with a parent unbarable. Now his memory for me is bordering unbarable.

My other son was lazy. In working hours, he would constantly disappear and be found sleeping where he had at least partial covering to try and not get caught. I broke him of his lazily not wanting to learn and taught him to care for live stock, plant and reap crops and the miscellaneous chores which you would expect as secondary skills. He ws a sweet child though. He was a little dim but he was all in all normal.He was always making things out of clay to gift to his mother and I and even was the maker of her urn. When his mother expired, he put me before his own feelings and knew when to talk and when to leave me be and kept me from blaming myself for the loss of my love. He stood with me in all things until I was falsely accused. We never spoke after my arrest BUT he was at my trial and told the judge that I was a mad man and not a criminal and did not know what I had done. I would like to say that his statement defended me because I am sure it was meant to but it weighed heavily against me as he was confessing me to crimes I never committed on my behalf. I saw him in the crowd just before they placed the hood over my face before triggering the trap door beneath me on the gallows.

My eldest daughter was married by the age of 14 and had her first child at 16. The good lord God took the little lam home only a few moments after birth. This tormented my daughter profoundly. She began withdrawing from the world and centering within herself. Sometimes she stared off into nothing and would not take her attention away from that. On her good days she was charming but it was always increasingly rare that she had good days. I miss my baby girl hat used to break off a piece of shalk and draw picture for me on various stones. The little girl bursting at the seams with elation while chasing fireflies. Sadly , I have completely lost track of time since this current situation began. For all that I know, everyone I loved may be dead by now. If that is the case, I envy them for it. I have so many questions with no answers. I do not think there is even anyone to tell me and confirm.

My twin Daughters were clever as could be but began making me feel ill at ease as they grew because they seemed to have a language of their own. All of the fathers of sons in our village wanted to arrange for their sons to be someday marrying them. They were the image of their mother and their hearts made them the children of God. My memories of the are hazey to some degree but I remember that.

The youngest child had nothing that she loved more than reading. She liked stories of adventure and romance the best. The problem there is that human nature begins to blur reality when you wish your life to be like a book you have red. One night she snuck out of our home to see some of the powerful reatures thought to be myth in the wilderness nearby. She went missing that night. My wife and I woke the following morning to find her gone. We were both angry and ready to kill her figuritivly speaking. Then we began to realized she had to have been gone several hours. We organized a search party of our neighbors and our family. We found nothing that day and nothing that night. Soon a hunter came forward with a bloody piece of cloth that matched the fabric of my daughter's gown. It was clear that she had been chased, cornered and killed by wolves. I do not think I ever stopped greiving her in that life. I find it hard to greive her now that I merely exist. But love remains.

Life as is existing is a cold, cruel place to live but there's no greater emotion than love.

Now I am just writing and posting it for craps and giggles.

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