So my fiance had an emotional affair with a coworker, I found out three months ago. Since then he has tried to cut off outside communication with her, but she always ends up making him feel bad or getting him to worry, and he ends up breaking his promise to do so and trying to hide it from me to avoid a fight.
The past three months have been extremely difficult for us, and I have been harmful to myself. He feels terrible about hurting me, but he is also still feeling guilt for "turning his back on" K (the affair partner), who really just wants him as a friend and emotional support. Because of that, he feels terrible for letting her down when she wants his friendship so badly.
My fiance is good friends with J, who is dating K's cousin. The three of them are all very close.
One day after he got off work we got into a fight because I saw him hanging around K. It hurt because I had been waiting for him, I went to meet him, and it was nighttime and I was alone outside waiting. He didn't even check on me. He says he was asking her for his jacket back and she had some things she wanted to get off her chest about the whole situation, so he was reading this letter she wrote. Basically it was just things to make him feel bad for not talking to her.
After the fight I tried to walk into traffic and he was stopping me. K saw this while driving home and got mad at me, she told him. My fiance started texting her about it, trying to figure out if she was telling people what she saw, gossiping. She had told their friend J, who asked my fiance about it. This made my fiance feel "humiliated" and upset with me. I told him I was upset that he opened up communication with K again. He reluctantly agreed to block her again, or so he said...
Later on I found a message from my fiance to J, saying that he was not going to push K away like I want. That he shared deep conversations with K and that she was too special. It would kill him to tell her to "f- off" like that.
My fiance still wants to be friends with J and hang out with him, but the problem is that because J and K are so close, and my fiance outright told J he wasn't going to stop talking to K...I know they will make plans to all hang out together. I feel it would be disrespectful to me and our relationship for him to plan to hang out with J if K is going to be there. And I am not at a point where i can trust him not to lie about it. He has given me more reasons not to trust him, though I am willing to try. Right now though, I definitely think if K were to be there, he would say she wasn't.
I understand my fiance wants his friends, and that he feels bad having to let them down and hurt their feelings...but he says he wants to work on our relationship, and I do too. So if he wants to work on us, I feel he has to make a choice.
Am I being unreasonable to not want him making plans with J? When he told J that he was not going to push K away, and J, K, and K's cousin are basically ALWAYS together?
65581 Category:(General Advice) Created:(6/27/2018 10:00:00 AM)