Is anyone here hopelessly socially awkward?

So I'm socialy awkward. Painfully so. The funny thing is that I'm selectively awkward. I'm fine with family, friends, and people close to my age. I'm fine around my students (I'm a University professor). I'm not fine around authority figures, people who are more experienced and older than me in my department, my PhD supervisory committee, and people who are experts in my field. In front of them I still feel like an awkward bumbling teenager. I have a fear of being an imposter and of them being able to see that I'm an impostor. 

For instance, the head of the philosophy department tried to strike up a conversation with my outside my office today. He's a very nice guy and very friendly but I feel terribly awkward in front of him because I know he has been at the University for almost 20 years, he has tenure, he has published multiple books, etc. I'm nowhere near as knowledgeable at him and I have some innate fear that people will find me stupid and ill-suited for the job since I don't have as many publications and I'm not as experienced. This manifests itself physically;

- I'll occasionally stumble on my words or forget what I was just going to say.

- I'm not at all sure how I should position my body. Do I cross my arms? No, that looks unnatural. Do I just let them dangle? No, that's weird too. I wish I had something to hold or play with.

- I smile when they smile, nod too much, and I'm completely inarticulate because I'm a nervous mess.

I realize that they probably don't think much of my awkwardness once the conversation is done, but I have a fear that they will go home and wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I fear that they will tell my other colleauges how awkward and weird I am and that they will all laugh at me. I know these fears aren't very logical and they probably stem from the fact that I was heavily bullied and taunted in Middle/High school. I never really got over those things. I wasn't socially awkward or shy as a child. I didn't have social anxiety. But when I started getting bullied I turned into a neurotic and self-conscious person.

Does anyone else experience this? Do you think it's as obvious to others as it is to me? What are some things that help you combat social anxiety and conversational awkwardness? Is it normal that I don't know as much as my colleauges who have been researching in their fields for decades and that I don't have as many publications? Sigh. 

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