This is a Question for PRACTICING Wiccans.... Or mediums Who Care to Comment

Hello, So when I was 10, my aunt showed me a Ouija board. My dead uncle whom I had never met was supposedly the guest, and my aunt and her friend spoke to him often. At some point between 10 and 11, I discovered and VERY FIRMLY believed that I could control the wind in a rainstorm. I would show friends. I would say watch this and stand beneath the weeping willow tree in my front yard. I would call out loud to the wind and say wind blow this way and wave my hands that way. The wind would follow. I would say now that way and wave, and the wind would follow. I would call it to stop and it would. The tree would stand still. Again I would give directions and wave my arms. I remember that I did this once for about 30 minutes and the wind never failed. It followed where I sent it. I stopped doing it at some point and really hadnt thought about this for a very long time until 2012 when I met a woman who said that she was from a kitchen witch lineage and that she used to do this as a child (I was mind-blown). By 11, I had contacted my other dead uncle with my friends and discovered that he was one of my guardian angels. By 12, I was frequently contacting the other side and had gotten to the point that I knew what was going to spelled out on the board (I was not touching the planchette). At 13, I had developed a very powerful curiosity for the other side At 15, I discovered in an online chat room by accident that I could "see" the houses of the people I was talking to. I also discovered that I knew things about them. I had people crying At 16, I found USM and if you look at the page, I began offering assistance to people through here. Around this same time, I found a protection spell on-line using candle magic and put it on my room (haphazardly without any Wicca understanding whatsoever). By 17, the townhouse we lived in was flooded with spirits and demons and I was terrified. My father's mental state flew way out in to a bad place and I began to spin very out of control. I stopped reaching to the other side and I fought very hard to shut my sight down. Although I tried to not see, I watched my dad's soul detaching from life. His soul was dying. I tried everything except cleansing my house of the evil. I was tI oo blind to see that it was there and I GENUINELY believe it preyed on his soul and this was the price I paid for reaching to the other side. At 19, when I learned that he had died, I knew it was true because I could see it coming.

I ended up in a very destructive relationship with a man who I could'nt see was destroying me and literally maiming my pets (I was this blind). I finally got away from him 5 years ago and moved to Ohio to heal from not just him but my dad's death, the role I played in it, the loss of a twin who was born still and her surviving boy twin who was 90-days premature, as well as a brother who would not look at me because I am the splitting image of my mother (who he hates).

I went to see a therapist and over time discovered how to deal with all of these things on the surface. Underneath, I have always felt lost and without purpose but have always had a sight and understanding that there is something profound in me. I stumbled across a medium who told me that I am a natural witch. That there are many things that have occurred in my life because of the power found in my soul (I am very old). I have recalled my past lives, but something happened to me that makes me VERY afraid to use magic. I am so afraid to open the doors to that side because this medium also told me that I have to be afraid because I have a strong tendency towards evil. He was so very right. This has always been my fear because I am the person who if I need to be evil, it will come out and I have a hard time stopping it. I am also very Angelic. I have felt since I began this journey that I am a human anomaly. Now I sound like a narcissist. But seriously, I feel like I was sent here by God, like I have a mission to help others the things that I have and I have a genuine desire to help. But, when I am wronged I feel a propensity for evil like I am a child of satan (MAN THAT SOUNDS CREEPY). But this is how I feel.

I googled, I think I am a witch. I do everything on these lists, my emotions and behaviors mirror the moon cycles, I have a deep connection to Earth the stars and the moon and have said many prayers without attempting to do any magic and with enough focus, I will sometimes get what I want. I have focused on specific men to fall in love with me and they have. I focused for 2 weeks about a tree falling down in my yard, and it did. I focused that my mom would total her truck for 2 weeks and she did (never even been in a fender bender before that). I hear the things people around me are thinking (many times verbatim, and especially music). I will note that some people are VERY hard to hear because they are so closed off and defensive and others are fast thinkers and that's hard to hear too). I can't hear others when I am upset and in a tizzy or am in love with them (except when I am in a moment of sheer focus and have turned my emotions completely off). I call doctor's offices and other appointments and the times I am thinking in my head are the times that the receptionist gives me for options. I influence others heavily even without speaking. I have a cross between medium abilities and silent manipulation and mental influence or something.

Okay, now for the question... I don't know how to start. I have the urge to just complete a spell but I read that I should pray to the moon for a month and discover what kind of witch I am. I think I discovered that I am a water witch. I want to retire on a beach, I love swimming, I love waterfalls and I can water witch (use rods to locate running underground water sources).

I read this stuff a year ago, and have sporadically prayed to these things. But, now I want to be a practicing witch for both positive effects and to make things happen for myself. But I don't want Karmic backlash so I need to know which path to take. Someone please offer guidance. Should I get a local practitioner to guide me or something because there is much going inside of me and I am very afraid.

Oh one final thing, about a year ago I was laying in bed and I realized how I was lost without my sight over the years. So I prayed repeatedly in my bed while crying to God, "God, please give me my sight back" I repeated this until it clicked. I could see a black figure of a man standing next to me. I recognized this demon from high school. I realized that I was so afraid of the other side that I let this thing come with me everywhere. It influenced and harmed me so much. I banished him that night. I acknowledged him and I told him (I now have goosebumps writing this) that I know who he is and I know how long he's been here and that I know what he has harmed me so much mentally. I told him that he was no longer allowed to do that. I told him that he must go away and never come back. I told him that he had no power over me anymore. That I will believe in myself, and I watched him walk in front of the bed and through the wall (in my minds eye) and I could still see him as he walked further and further. I felt this great relief rush over me. I do not actively ask for assistance from the other side now and I do not have much interest in mediumship but I need to figure out how to wade through a still cloudy sight...

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