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I'm not sure how to feel.

  Author:  60395  Category:(General Advice) Created:(2/22/2016 1:58:00 AM)
This post has been Viewed (1435 times)

This is hard, and just not something I just don't feel like bringing up to friends/family.

My dad has been a severe alcoholic my entire life. It's really escalated over the last few years. He was finally arrested 2 weeks ago for aggravated battery against a police officer, DUI, fleeing an accident, and open container. Over the weekend I found out that he hit a mom and her small children. That's when the reality of it all really hit me. Part of me wanted to feel sorry for him before but now I'm just furious. I'm so tired of his bad decisions hurting my family. My mom is always so sad and stressed that she doesn't leave the house and won't even go to the break room at lunch. My brother is 5 hours away at college and has become extremely withdrawn. I guess I don't really know what kind of advice I'm seeking. Has anyone else been through anything with this? I'm almost 27 and most of the time I feel really stupid that I'm letting the situation affect me this much. I know they're hoping the charges are reduced but if they're not he is facing 3-7 years in prison.

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Replies:      
Date: 2/22/2016 7:07:00 AM  From Authorid: 25390    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Have you ever tried Al-Anon? It focuses on family members of alcoholics. Here is the website: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I wish I could be of some more help.
  
Date: 2/22/2016 7:54:00 AM  From Authorid: 22721    With all due respect, you don't have a father. You have someone who chooses beer over family.

And this is only what you know about.

And he does deserve jail, and needs to be held accountable.

Leave him alone, as you'll only get hurt.Your better off building your on life.
  
Date: 2/22/2016 11:06:00 AM  From Authorid: 52489    First of all, let me say how sorry i am for your situation. Having somebody in the family with an addiction is bad enough, but when it's your father, well, that makes it worse. From what you've said, it sounds like this problem has been going on for a long time, and that you have been suffering for just as long.

You don't need to suffer alone anymore. Contact the group Al-Anon. Their website is al-anon.org, and believe me when I tell you that they will be able to help you. Al-anon is a group for people who have friends or family who are alcoholics. They have regular meetings filled with people just like you--people whose family or friends are alcoholics. Al-anon will be there for you, and they will help you through your feelings. I know this because I have gone to them and been a part of their meetings, too. One of my oldest friends is an alcoholic. Al-anon taught me that I couldn't help him until he wanted to be helped, and the same is true of your father.

You say you're not sure what to feel? The most important thing is to never stop loving your father; but you don't have to like what he does, or what he has become. Contact the al-anon group in your area, and you will feel better.
  
Date: 2/22/2016 10:14:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 60395    Thanks for the input guys. I think just typing it all out helped a lot but I'm definitely going to look into local al-anon meetings. I've struggled with addiction myself but it's definitely a different experience being on this side of it.  
Date: 2/22/2016 11:46:00 PM  From Authorid: 37150    I think Co-Dependent No More is a book and workbook that can help you work through this and maybe even Al-Anon. There's lots of support out there. Get counseling for yourself. You can't control what others do. All you can do is take care of yourself. These people have to want to help themselves. Best to you. I'm glad USM is a place you could come to talk even if there's not much we can do for you.  
Date: 2/25/2016 1:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 62927    I agree with all above. Second thing is breath and practice unlatching- not in apathy, but in acceptance and then you have no bad baggage moving on with you.  
Date: 3/1/2016 2:13:00 AM  From Authorid: 48250    I think what Arion has suggested, its a very good place to start, glad you reached out & discussed this, & I cannot really add to what's already been said, you still love your father but not what he's doing/done, he needs help, hopefully he'll get that but what's most important, get help for yourself------Prayers & best wishes-----T/C  
Date: 3/1/2016 6:39:00 AM  From Authorid: 64819    I sorta know how you feel.
My ex (My oldest's bio dad) has a drinking problem. Sometimes you just need to stay angry at them and let them rot in jail because they put their ownself in there. Life will go on, and in fact it may just get better for all involved.
The last time the ex got a DUI he called me to come get him. The officer who arrested him told me if I would just get him that he would file no charges, and it would never count against him. I told the officer to do his job, and let him rot. I told him that not a week earlier that my little sister (actually she was more my step cousin, but technicalities don't matter) was killed by a drunk driver, and that I had no pity for him..
While he is there he could get the help he needs, and could possibly become sober.
  
Date: 3/3/2016 3:02:00 AM  From Authorid: 64942    I lived with an alcoholic my entire life. I left home at a early age to get away from the non-sense, fast forward thirty years later. I had my own family, married a amazing man, recently mother passed and her husband, the alcoholic and his son nearly destroyed my family with their addiction. My advice, don't involve yourself. My grandfather was also an alcoholic, there is nothing anyone can really do until they make the choice to get help. Sad, but yeah, not a thing anyone can stop. Pray, but distance is the best place literally and figuratively. Best wishes and prayers for you and family.  

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