Some people just don't want to be helped

My Dad is a classic enabler.  He did it with my brother, he did it with his ex-wife (not my mother, but a different ex) and he has done it for years with his girlfriend and her family.  He had about $90,000 in credit card debt (WHO gets that many credit cards!) and we had to drag him through the bankrupcy process.  

We saved his home by putting it in my sisters name.  All he had to do was pay 'rent' which would cover the taxes and insurance and general upkeep.  The house needs a lot of work and probably a new furnace.  He could hardly even do that.  My sister ended up paying the insurance recently.  My sister has four kids, she shouldn't have had to do that.  Dad makes almost 3000.00 a month with his social security and retirement benefits, not enough to live like a king on, but enough to pay his basic living expenses which were low, probably around 1,100.00 max which includes the 500.00 in 'rent'.

After the insurance fiasco I said enough.  We're selling the house and Dad has to get an apartment.  Each month we'll give him a set amount from the proceeds of the house.  We told dad all this and he got his apartment.  I have no idea how he's paying for it considering he blew through all his money within the first two weeks of the month.  Thing is, despite telling him he isn't going to get control of the money and him agreeing to it, I know how his mind works.  He's already plotting and scheming, probably borrowing money from friends, telling them once the house is sold he'll pay them back.  Dad only hears what he wants to hear and even if you get him to agree to something, more than likely he's just agreeing to shut you up.

We moved him out this past weekend.  After he left, his girlfriends twenty year old granddaughter came stumbling in  and asked where my Dad was.  My bro-in-law told her that he had left.  She stumbled into one of the bedrooms, pulled out a bottle of canned Air and began huffing right in front of my brother-in-law and sister!!!  Than she curled up in a ball and was unresponsive.  

I was already on my way home when my sister called and asked me what they should do.  I said call the police!!!!  The police came and she was kicking and screaming at them.  They ended up calling an ambulance.

A day later when my sister finally talked to my dad what do you think his response was??  Sorry you had to deal with that?  No.  It was, why did you call the police? 

I will never understand why my Dad allows this type of thing into his life.  His girl friend has her own apartment.  Why does the Granddaughter insist on going to my dads??  Because my dad will give her money, get conned into taking her to drug deals, or buy her fastfood, cigerettes and booze.   Last summer when dad claimed he couldn't get rid of her, we tried to help Dad out by going to the Police.  We thought maybe there is an elder abuse law.  Since dad is of sound mind (allegedly) there wasn't anything we could do, he had to be the one to call the police even though he is only the 'renter' and doesn't own the home, the owner (my sister) had no say in kicking her out.  Dad didn't have the guts to do it himself.    My sister and I went to the house and packed all her crap up and set it outside.  I know at one point she got a low income apartment.  She was pregnant and had the baby five weeks early.  The baby was addicted to drugs and she has never been allowed custody of him.  Nice girl, right?  

If you've read this far, congratulations and thanks!  I guess I needed to vent.  At this point I think we're pretty much done with dad.  If he wants to hang out with freeloaders and losers that's fine.  I NEVER thought I would be attempting to parent my parent in this way.   He use to not be so financially unstable.  At one time he was quite successful believe it or not.  

Have you ever had this kind of issue with an elderly parent??  Dad is 72 and still in good health, he looks like he's only 60, still quite young looking for his age.  

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