"A talk with the Devil"!

I had this dream and it was an unusually realistic and lucid dream the kind of dream that you only have every few years. The kind of dream that when you wake up your still feeling and thinking it is real for about thirty seconds or so. I think you understand my meaning. I had a foreboding feeling of an extreme distress of some kind and for no apparent reason that I could not explain.

I felt a presence standing somewhere before me and it was something most powerful and overwhelming to me and I was much afraid of it for some unknown reason and I was sure that at any moment it might reach out and destroy me with just a mere glance or perhaps a wave of its hand! I could not even see if it had hands or what its shape was, or if it even had any physical form at all.

All I knew for sure was that if it had decided to destroy me at any moment there was absolutely nothing I could do to protect myself. I started to think to myself that if I could somehow detect its presence without ever seeing it, that it most certainly could detect that I was there too and I was pretty sure that it could even read my mind somehow and it also somehow knew exactly what I was feeling and thinking too! I started thinking to myself that if it knew what I was thinking and feeling I needed to think thoughts that I imagined it liked or would be pleased by or at least thoughts that would not offend it in any way and somehow I felt that this would protect me in some way and of course I did not know, which was very frustrating to me. I hoped it would help in some way to keep from being harmed by it.

I thought maybe it was working for a while and then I got frustrated because I was somehow aware that now I was so busy changing my thoughts and feelings in fear that I might offend it, that I was not free to be thinking for myself anymore. This made me angry and scared me even more as I heard it communicate to me somehow without even speaking that I was going to die soon enough, if I did not do as I knew I should and for some time now something that I must do or else, and It claimed that I absolutely knew what it was and was just ignoring it.

I think I knew somehow exactly what it was talking about and since it did not tell me what it exactly was I pretended not to know what it was trying to tell me exactly and I started feeling even more distressed and desperate! It said to me somehow without actually speaking that I was ignoring the truth of what I knew I must do and was even determined not to do it actually and all the while while pretending that I had no idea what it was talking about somehow, I knew that I actually did know somehow exactly what it must be talking about but I had no exact thoughts or images in my mind it was blank and I wondered how I could know and not know at the same time. My feelings seemed to confirm that I did indeed know but my thoughts were blank and nothing came to my mind but disbelief that I could observe that part of me did understand something that the other part of me did not know at all!

I got even more frustrated and mad knowing that somehow it was right and whatever I was ignoring I must have been doing it so well that even I did not know. I really did though and somehow I did refuse to believe that this was just a feeling I somehow had and could not explain it but absolutely somehow knew it utterly.

It told me that I was not free to make my own choices but I would instead be allowed to think I was… I had no clue perhaps what it was trying to tell me but I think part of me did and I thought how crazy it was that the part of me that knew was not sharing the thoughts with me but was in fact sharing the feelings instead. Feelings that came to me with no information or images to try and comprehend. It told me that I had no real free will at all and that whatever decisions I chose to think I ever actually make were really being forced upon me as in my feelings and that I was only being allowed to think I had any real control at all of what I understood to be free will.

I just felt that I really wanted to think that it was full of you know what but asked it to clarify if it was for real! It proceeded to tell me that whenever I decide to do something or more importantly to “NOT” do something that I really had no choice at all. In fact that I am being ordered to do whatever I do or do not do! That I will be allowed to believe that whatever I decide to do, or do not do will only be in fact an order to or not too and that the secret that I needed to be aware of and realize was that if I decided to do or not do something it was because of a feeling I had to do it or not do it! In fact I would decide always to do what I felt like doing or more importantly NOT felt like doing and it was trying to tell me that it can not make me do or not do anything in particular.

It however was very clear in telling me that it in fact could make me feel any way that it had chosen to at any time and that my thoughts were I fact my own but that however my feelings were forced upon me at all times and even against my will at any time whether I liked it or not! This I felt was the most important part for me to supposedly know! It was trying to tell me that it could force me to feel any way that it desired me too and that the only free will I really actually had was what thoughts I chose to think about what feelings were force upon me at any time. It did insist that I was free to think whatever I wanted to about this but that what I felt was not my choice at all

I know this sounds confusing but I think I eventually thought maybe I really actually was beginning to understand! I however did not feel that way and this was what I think it was trying to tell me all this time! That I have really little or no control over how I feel and this is just the sad fact of life! That I may think whatever I want about whatever I can and can`t do and that I will choose to feel or NOT feel but I can`t control what I ever feel only what I think about the way that I feel and all the choices and decisions that I ever make will always be based upon the feelings that I have and not about the thoughts I have about them!

So in the end I as a result will refuse to think too much about what I cannot control or will refuse to feel what I choose to want to think about. And this will be how I seem to control it if at all possible! If I will ever get control over how I feel about anything in life I won`t need to think anything about it at all! I will only need to think any thoughts at all in life while In still seem to believe I have some control over what I think about what I have absolutely no control over whatsoever How I really feel! It told me in a nutshell that it could force me to feel any way it wants me too. That my supposed free will is only based upon what I decide to do or not to do about it and more importantly what I decide to think I think about it too whatever I did not want to continue to feel about it for ever more.