You know that blah feeling? When you can't seem to bring yourself up out of the crappy mood you are in...not grumpy...just low. Wallowing in self pity kind of low...wishing things were different..wishing you were different..promising yourself you won't do it again..but even as you are promising yourself you know very well that you will...
Having different problems, but knowing that somehow they are all connected...knowing that you are reacting...knowing that you are allowing all of these things define you...
Feeling like you can't talk about it to anyone...feeling like the one person you have talked to is over hearing it...that you just can't really open up and let it all out...knowing that you can't...wanting to talk to the one person who knows exactly how you are feeling, but can't....
Putting on the happy face...making out all is fine in your world...then wham! It hits you again....so hard that you can't pretend anymore...and berating yourself because of it....so yet again you swim against the tide until you reach the shore, waving that you are okay...no really, I'm fine...
Venting about other things....sounding so negative about things...thinking, why did I say that?...Again with the berating...self loathing....Promising yourself..blah blah blah....
