dreams of irritability, depression, general stress. please help

i am new to the site. my name is marykate. i practice palmistry/energy readings, and mediumship. over 6 mo ago my stepfather molested me in a very intrusive way when i was passed out drunk. my mother and i within a month relocated to our home state. at first i had a very hard time and needed to attend a two wk intensive outpatient program to deal with my bipolar and signs of ptsd from this event. since then i have fallen in love with a good friend and we have been maintaining a growing relationship. i do have alot of stress in my life due to a DUI that has caused me to still be unable to drive (2yrs ago) i am not working bc i do not drive and dont have reliable trans. still trying to figure that out. i have dealt decently with all of this... but lately my autopilot in my mind is making me think or envision negative memories or even sick things that havent occured. i quickly retain my focus on positivity, but now my dreams are becoming problematic.

in my dreams, with detail of family, friends, places. not enough detail and not really out of the ordinary, other than feeling irritability/anger, depression/solidity/silence, and stress...this causes me to wake up with the real feelings. in last nights dream i felt alot of feelings and even dreamt the event of literally talking about feelings a about my ability, myself, my place in life with my mother and a friend.

it is not the right time or situation for my to really benefit from waking life discussions with these people, though.

i think i need help but i will NOt go back to medication, or a program. and the weirdest part is im not really FEELING depressed awake, only waves of it and they pass so quickly. i feel fine but my subconcious is insinuated im experiencing some turmoil.

does anyone, anywhere, have any advice? please and THANK YOU!