I met this guy online and we started talking through text. We grew pretty close and have feelings for each other, but that's as far as it'll ever go. We're very close, good buddies. We haven't met just yet but we're planning on it. He's a backyard wrestler until he can get into TNA and I know the stuff that goes on back there and it worries me. Especially being I have no way of finding out if anything very bad happens and he ends up the hospital. He has gotten hurt a lot and some close to serious. But anyways... I'd very much appreciate it if anyone can tell me what this means.. Heres the dream...
*Changed his name- One I chose has meaning to him I'm sitting at my house waiting for *S2D text. It's been a few days since I've heard from him and that's not usual. He usually texts every day or if its too late and he can't he at least texts to say goodnight. I start to worry and I wonder what to do being I have no way of finding out if anythings happened. After a few more days and hours, which felt like years, I get a text. It's from S2D's phone but I find out its not him. One of his buddies texted me to let me know what was going on.
He told me that S2D knew I'd worry if I didn't hear from him for a few days so he left his buddies a note letting them know what to do and all that just incase something happens and he has no way of getting ahold of me. He texted to let me know that there was a wrestling stunt that went wrong and he ended up in the hospital and that he passed away the day before. I started to cry and as I tried to gain my composer I asked his buddy when the funeral was. He told me that in the note that S2D said to tell me when it was, where, what time and that if I wanted to it'd be alright for me to say something if I wanted. So he gave me all the information.
My husband comes home a little later from work and I tell him all about it because he's been worrying about me because he knew how much I was worrying. As I told him I started to cry, my husband tried to comfort me as much as possible but he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He held me close and rubbed my head and said "You know if he could, S2D would of called you himself to let you know what was going on but that was impossible. I'm sure he's watching over you trying to comfort you just like I am."
Oddly enough as he said that, I felt a weird calmness come over my body. I asked him if him and the girls would come with me to the funeral tomorrow because it was too much for me to handle by myself and of course he agreed. I had a VERY hard time sleeping that night, I kept tossing, turning, crying and ended up barely sleeping because I kept having nightmares about it. We all woke up and started to get dressed and ready for the funeral. We drove the 30-40 minutes it takes to get to the funeral in his city.
To think, my first time meeting S2D was at his funeral. I wasn't expecting to see him this way. We arrived there, there were so many people there, I was an outcast because I didn't know anyone. They decided to have an open coffin funeral first, I walked up to it and looked down in the coffin. As I stood there starring at S2D I couldn't help but start to cry as I said "This really isn't the way we talked about meeting for the first time, I never thought it'd happen like this. I always worried about you and you told me not to, I'm sure if you could you'd hold me tight right now and try to comfort me. You always did with your words.
They always felt like arms around me when I was feeling down and we talked. You could always make me smile and feel like something when I felt as if I was nothing. You kept me company when I had no one. I hope you can see and hear me where ever you are, but you mean a lot to me and I'll never forget you and I whispered 'I love you" to him. I leaned in and gave his lips a kiss. I started to cry some more and I went to sit with my family. I sit there laying my head on my husbands shoulders and him rubbing my head and trying to comfort me as my girls sit next to me on the other side telling me it'll all be fine and that I'll see him again someday, no matter where it is.
After a few hours of people walking up to the coffin and saying a few words and saying their goodbyes there was a slight break. My husband took my daughters to the bathroom as I stayed seated staring at S2D's coffin thinking of all the talks we had and plans we made when we could finally meet and hang out, tears started to swell up in my eyes. They said it was time to start again but this time the coffin will be closed and we can put flowers, pictures and anything we might want buried with him and people to say a few words.
We sat waiting, listening for a few hours of different people talking and saying what they had to say leaving little things that had big meanings to them and him. It was coming to a close and they asked if anyone else had anything they wanted to say. I remembered what S2D said in the note, so I wrote something the night before, before I went to bed. I stood up and told the man I did. I slowly made my way to the coffin and I stopped next to it and placed a reddish, yellow rose on top and a picture I knew he'd love. I walked up to the podium and turned to face everyone, I looked at my family with sad eyes and my husband nodded his head to let me know it was ok because he knew I was afraid to talk in front of people, but I couldn't pass this opportunity.
I looked down every so often to see what I put, I opened my mouth and this is what came out "I might not of known him personally, I might not of meet him face to face yet but we've talked everyday until he went to bed and we got pretty close. We got to know each other through text, we were planning on meeting sometime soon so we could get to know each other even better. Never expected our first meeting to be at his funeral. We talked about each others problems, we tried to help each other out as much as possible. He understood me and I understood him. He felt as if no one liked him or accepted him for who he was, I was the one person he felt comfortable talking to about ANYTHING, he knew I wouldn't judge because him and I had quite a bit in common.
I'm an open minded person, I can accept people for what or who they are, I don't judge, I was raised to accept what people are or can become. There are things I might not agree on with people but I still listen to them and help in some way if possible. I seemed to be the only one who truly understood him and could help. Things went on in his life that he couldn't even tell anyone else, he's tried before but it didn't help. We cared for each other very much, I don't think either of us could of made it very far without one another, we were there through thick and thin. He was like the brother I never had, I know all this might sound funny being him and I only talked through text but you'd be surprised at how much more closer you can get to someone if you just sit and talk instead of judging on their character from the outside.
If anyone actually knew him like I did, you know how sweet, funny, great and sensitive guy he was or could be. If I could change anything, it'd be to have met earlier, I've lost that chance but I know someday I'll see him again no matter where it is, whether it'd be in heaven, hell or even in another life but I'll get my chance one way or another. For now, this is the way I'll see him, I'll remember him for how he was and who he really was. He was my real true friend, I'll miss him VERY dearly, he will NEVER be forgotten. There is and always will be a place in my heart. I miss you now and always will S2D, "I love you like a brother, I'll see you someday soon. Don't forget about me"
With those last words, I looked down at his coffin and I could feel the tears coming even more. I said my last goodbye to S2D and as I started to make my way down, when I got next to his coffin I felt that sense of calmness hit over me but something was different, this time I heard something in the back of my head "I told you to not worry about me, I'll always be with you, I told you that you mean a lot to me and that I'd never leave or abandon you and that will always stay the same" I could hear him say I love you back as I started to walk back to my family, I didn't realize I was smiling until I reached my family and my husband asked me about it.
We waited until they were done playing a song and we all got up and started walking out. I went up to his buddies, sister and father and I gave my condolences. They told me that S2D would talk about me everyone once in awhile but not much, like I was his little secret. That meant a lot to me because we both talked about how not many people would understand or would accept us for who we are and what we actually were with each other. That put a smile on my face, I told them the same thing, that I would talk about him a little bit to a few people but not much, that he was my secret.
We all agreed that we all wished we could of met another way. We discussed to stay in contact, we knew that's what S2D would of wanted. My husband came up and I introduced them all, he gave his condolences and we all exchanged numbers. I felt at peace. I might of not got to meet him like we planned and wanted but we finally got to meet and got along with his family and friends as well as they did us. My husband grabbed my hand and the girls grabbed my other hand and we started to walk out as we said goodbye.
It was one of them dreams where you could feel everything and not only that but once it was over it'd start right back over again. After so many times I couldn't take dreaming it again so I had to force myself awake and thats what I did. The dream still sticks to me and I worry about him a lot every day. I'd really appreciate it if someone would interpret this for me and let me know what exactly it means. Hes the only person besides my husband that I've connected with this like. I've never had any better, or truer friends than him. I'm so worried about losing him, I thought that this might of been half of it but I'm not sure.
If anyone could tell me, please... Thanks for reading it and for your incite...
