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Date: 9/15/2010 4:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 64514
Call the Public Health Dept. and they will make them clean up the house and get things working, just make sure to tell them you want to remain anonymous since you know them. Good luck with everything and keep us posted.  |
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Date: 9/15/2010 4:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 57579
As long as your husband isn't like them and has no desire to be like that! It is his family, and while you dont have to respect them you do have to respect it is his family. I do think the going away to spend a night with mommy is a little weird though. My husband did that a year ago when he was sick and having anxiety attacks all the time. But it is the last time is mother ever got to take care of him. She was actually sick with cancer and passed away a few months later. But you have a free night, you can go hang out with friends or have some "me" time. Like I said as long as he is not like that, you should be alright. Remember it is HIM you are marrying and he is in your house and you dont have to live in their house. Lady Darkness also had a good point. You can call the health department or even the SPCA since they have that many dogs living there and that is unhealthy. You can also call your state's welfare department to report fraud. In my state, if you are able bodied, unemployed, and on food stamps you MUST be actively applying for jobs. Same goes for welfare. You could always call all those agencies and give them your account of what is going on in that house. After a day or two of not eating I'm sure someone will wise up and, I dont know GET A JOB!  |
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Date: 9/15/2010 4:44:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51292
Thanks so much AO I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Its very true that you can't choose your inlaws LOL. Ive honestly been crying for two days because I'm so sick of their drama. I just feel like I cant take much more from them, and when he asks me whats wrong I cant say YOUR FAMILY. I just cant do that. Once we were having an argument and his family came up. He just said "I don't know what you've got against my family" and I honestly cant tell him without sound like a horrible person. No them calling him daily doesn't bother him at all, I think he likes them to call him a lot. Which when I used to actually go stay with him at his families house I would only call my family once every few days. I agree that hes not like them, but in ways he is. For instance, his version of "clean" is very different from mine. I do still love him very much and that is something that I can deal with, I know he was just brought up that way. You are right, I am very thankful that we don't live near them. At least that places a bit of distance between the drama and us, its bad enough hearing it all over the phone. I agree that it does have a lot to do with how I was raised and how I grew up. I just find it impossible to respect what they do and how they live. I hope this is something that I can learn to deal with, I know his family is always going to be there. Thanks so much for what you said about marriage, thats my point exactly. When we get mairred its going to be him and I, starting a life together. We will be family then and we should do things that are best for us. A few days ago I mentioned moving to Lexington (which is a much nicer town with more opportunities) its about two hours from where we are now. I want us to move there so we can get better jobs and have a better future for ourselves. The only place I can work where we are right now is Wal Mart. But when I brought it up to him he didnt want to move because he said "Im already far enough away from mawmaw as it is". Im sorry but his "mawmaw" isint going to pay our bills. I want to be somewhere with better paying jobs so I can have a better life, I dont get checks in the mail every month to pay my bills. I agree with what you said about not letting it consume me, which I think I have. Its hard to not get frustrated when they are calling everyday, and he is gone there now till Friday. Its also true what you said about being the bad person, I feel like a bad person. I feel like I look like a bad person, but I just cant help it. I wish I felt differently but I dont and Ive tried and I cant. Thanks again so much for your response, you really made me feel better and Ive been pretty upset the past two days. You gave me some great advice and helped me a lot.  |
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Date: 9/15/2010 5:19:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51292
Thanks for your input Nani and while what you said may not be what I wanted to hear, maybe its what I needed to hear. Im not here for advice only in my favor I want advice from all different points of view. I feel like some of the things you said are true and maybe I need to work on myself. Im not this evil person that wants to lock him away, I just want them to back off some and let us live our lives. Its hard to understand someones situation unless you've been there. I feel like you are right and if I dont change I may loose my fiance. Thats what I want to do..change..but how? I wish I could change how I feel, it makes me feel like a bad person. I never said my family was perfect, just small and not much drama within. Im not used to large families with so many issues. I only put this here because I have no one else to talk to and I needed to talk about things. Thanks again for your advice, I really appreciate it. |
Date: 9/15/2010 5:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
I'm sorry Angie but your fiancee loves his family, irregardless of how you feel about them, and out of respect for him, I would tolerate and still visit them. I hope it all works out for you all...  |
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Date: 9/15/2010 5:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51292
I agree Zema, I need to learn to tolerate LOL. I guess I should just try harder to accept them because I really do want to be with him. I think it would make both our lives better. Thanks for your input, it means a lot. |
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Date: 9/15/2010 5:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 57579
Also, remember to use the bathroom before you go over to the house. If someone needs to go to the store drive them so you can use the bathroom at the store. Hard workers clean those bathrooms! |
Date: 9/15/2010 7:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 15228
I don't think what you feel is wrong at all. If you marry your fiancé, you're marrying into his family and they aren't going away. Any kids you have they'll want you to bring over to their filthy disgusting house...I think that would give me pause right there. You can't make your fiancé choose between him and his family and you'll end up pounding your head against the wall if you try that. I'd think very carefully before you make a permanent commitment.  |
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Date: 9/16/2010 1:05:00 AM
From Authorid: 62445
You said they're sick and on welfare, I don't know anyone who is sick that gets welfare, that would be SSI, and SSI isn't Welfare. Everyone on welfare or SSI isn't a bad person, some people on the system are actually going back to school to better themselves, or have found jobs and working to get off, or made it off by now. Welfare is a great program if used properly, but I see your in laws are settling it for less, they can make an effort, a goal everyday, how they can better their lives, but I won't judge them, they sound like they can start moving forward in life and stop settling, even if it takes them awhile to get off the system, or if they never get off the system they can still do so much better with their lives, I'm sure God would want them to. That isn't normal for a grown man to spend the night at his parents, grandparents house on the regular. ~CharmLit |
| Date: 9/16/2010 1:09:00 AM From Authorid: 62445 Another thing, Some people in the Military get Foodstamps, so Foodstamps aren't just for low income people, you will be surprised who uses them. ~CharmLit |
| Date: 9/16/2010 1:21:00 AM From Authorid: 62445 And if a person has retired they will get a SSI check, like I said it isn't the same as Welfare.~CharmLit |
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Date: 9/16/2010 4:05:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
there are also people who don't work and sponge off the gov't. |
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Date: 9/16/2010 6:58:00 AM
From Authorid: 3680
If I could, I would get on every government aid imaginable, just so I could get mine. Unfortunately, they look at my salary and laugh first, then take their insane amount of taxes out of it. The 75% of lazy people who abuse the system ruin the image of the 25% of people who actually need it. It's one thing to be poor, but when your house is nasty like that, being poor has nothing to do with it. That's just pure laziness.  |
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Date: 9/16/2010 7:21:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
DevineRavan, you mean you don't thank the gov't for the taxes you pay so you can support other people?? Blasphemous! |
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Date: 9/16/2010 7:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 3680
lol...right. Wish my groceries were free. |
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Date: 9/16/2010 9:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
you are going to have to talk to him and let him know how you feel. i know he loves his grandma and wants to visit but when you guys get married are you planning to have kids? your kids will be a part of that family and that's something you will never get away from no matter how things work out between you and him. would you want to take a baby into a house like that? what about a toddler? you know they eat everything they can find on the floor and no matter how quick you are you will never be quick enough to stop a little one from eating crap. you said you both have different ideas of whats clean. even without kids that could be a big problem. it may be the way he was raised but he is living with you now and has to see that his familys way isn't the only way. my 18 month old granddaughter has never been inside her great grandmothers house. my mother in law has sort of the same situation. she has her grown (33 year old) granddaughter, granddaughters boyfriend and 3 kids living with her. my MIL (81 years old) is on social security and her check covers her needs but the moochers get most of it. they have 2-3 dogs inside, 2 birds, 3 or 4 aquariums with fish, snakes, mice, you name it. the caged animals don't bother me too much but the dogs are too much for my MIL to keep up with so theres poo here and there. the kids are 12, 4 and 19 months are always sick with one thing or another. so great grandma only gets to see our baby when she comes to us. that may sound cold and mean but our baby's health is more important than anybodys feelings. anyway, i think you should just talk to him. and if his granny wants him to come over and spend the night sometimes......who is it hurting? i don't have either of my grannys anymore and i would have done the same thing if they asked. well.....i guess i did do the same thing. spent most nights for a month in the hospital room cause she wanted me instead of my mom and aunts. good luck.  |
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Date: 9/16/2010 10:10:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51292
Misty-Thats a good idea about the store, thanks I will do that from now on. Charm Lit- You are right I think they are getting SSI not welfare. They wont make any steps to better themselves they like living this way, and have done so for years. They have never had a job, or made any sort of effort to get one. I don't think its a bad thing to get food stamps when you are in a rough spot and you need them. Thats what they are there for, but thats just not the case here. Kelly-Thats very true and something to think about, right now we have no plans for children. Who knows what the future may hold, but its true I wouldn't want any child of mine staying in their house. Not because I wouldn't want them to see their grandkids but because its not safe or clean there. When I go to visit, I wont eat at their house. I always go into town to get food. Not because I'm trying to be rude but because its just not clean or sanitary to eat there. They had a bag of potatoes lying in their kitchen floor and they caught their dogs peeing on it. How long had that been going on? They could've eaten out of those potatoes before they knew that was happening. They probably think I'm really rude and snooty but I'm really not, I'm very down to earth. I just like things to be clean or at least some sort of effort to be clean. DevineRaven- Thanks for your comments and I'm sorry to hear that. I get upset when I get my paycheck and see how much I've been cut knowing that a portion of that has gone to people are are just too lazy to work. I know some of it may go to people who are actually in need and in a rough spot, but I KNOW thats now always the case. MomaBug-Once again thats a very good point and I definitely wouldn't want a child of mine to be staying at their house. Who knows what it could get into, or pick up off the floor. We don't plan on having any children and I think if we did it would be much later in life for us. I agree its not hurting anyone for him to spend the night with his granny, I just think its a bit strange. Especially when they want him to come for a week at a time, he is a grown man who is engaged. I only visit my grandparents a few times a year, and haven't spent the night with them since I was much younger. But all families are different I guess LOL. Thanks for your comments. |
Date: 9/16/2010 10:45:00 AM
From Authorid: 46486
You got the same gripes as me sista. lol It's possible to have a good relationship still, but I know that it's not easy though. If you love eachother enough to make it work it'll work out.  |
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Date: 9/16/2010 11:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 3680
Luckily I am fortunate and my ability to advance in the military these past 14 years ensures that I more than provide for my family. I just wish I could get something for nothing too sometimes. You know. It's not that I need it, it's the principle of it. Sadly, not only am I fighting for the freedom some people have to ride out governmental services, but I also pay a buttload of taxes to help fund it. Just burns me up sometimes....Good post...lol I get to vent! |
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Date: 9/16/2010 12:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 11240
I've read all these comments and I do not see that anyone has said this, so I will: You are basing this relationship on a lie. If you are not prepared to be truthful with your fiance, and see whether or not the two of you can come up with some compromise on this issue, I don't personally know why you would involve him in a facade of a marriage. God Bless.  |
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