Edge of Darkness Part 4

The darkness climbed its way back into me pulling me deeper into it. All I wanted was to rip the door off for what he did. The life already cooling in my body would not allow it. It was easy to blame him as what he did was an complete invasion of my being. I am no worse. I had done it to him. I had not wanted to give him life but death. I pulled him into my innermost embrace to kill him. Instead of killing him I killed Ryan. The universe takes what is the most precious and important. I could not fail to exist. Death would not look for me. No one would. I had to become the smiling monster. I needed to embrace who I really was. I was a killer and I needed to kill to survive. Sadness, death and darkness would be my constant companions. My feelings drifted from me and the rage subsided. My body racked its self with coughing. How could I get sick? Had he made me sick? It was not like I could see a doctor and ask so I have an aversion to food, lust for blood but I have a little cough. Can you fix me doc? Oh by the way my heart stopped beating a while ago. Would it ever beat?

“You need to eat. I am only temporary as we are the same. You can only take the life in me that I have taken from others. That is the way we work.” His voice called from the other door. I pulled open the door before he thought to keep it held shut. I stood there naked and alive. I had to come to terms with this. Yes he was like me. Yes he had used his venom to wake me up. Was it wrong? One part of me said yes. It was an invasion of everything. The other lets face it I had tried to kill him with my own. Who was worse? Him for trying to wake me up from my pitiful existence or me for trying to kill him? I may be excepting but I will not let him know that. I shoved him back from me. “Never again. Do you understand me.” My voice filled with the darkness that was a part of me. It was me who was I kidding. He dropped his shoulders and edged his body into a disarming stance. Did he think that doing that would make me any less angry?

I wanted to rip him apart. Not for blood or lust just because he was under my skin. Something about him filled me with the waiting darkness. It was not his fault nor anyone else‘s fault of what I became and what I am. I knew what I was doing. I gave them my life long before they took it. Did they even take it? “I know what you are going through. I had the same feelings. I was not as strong as you. They came for me and I gave in. Heidi was a donor not my lover. I am sorry about him. What was his name?” Could I say it? Could I speak the name of my lover? Was he my lover? “Ryan” A voice came from me but it did not sound like me. It was the voice from my past. There was no darkness dripping through it. Saying his name was like saying a whisper that echoed in the silence. “He was not my donor.” Come on say it. You know it is true. “Nor was he my, my lover.” He was not mine. I had killed him. You don’t kill people you love.

“Well it seemed different to me. I mean the way you became after he died. I thought that he was your lover.” His voice was filled with a sadness but he attempted to cover it. “He meant a lot to me, and that is it. Now drop it!” I had lost the effects of him. I was hungry and the cold of my life I knew was now part of me. I needed to feed. I needed a hunt. I needed to satisfy the rage that filled my veins. “Did you get me any clothing or just yourself?” I tried to play off as emotionless as I could.. He did not need to know the effects he had on me. He stood proper and looked into my eyes. “Yeah if you bothered to look in the room you would see them.” He I could tell was trying to play it off. He was wounded by something but what I did not know. He would not be getting back into me ever! I could not let anyone in. I let the shields fall for Ryan and I was his death. I did not give him a second look and walked back leaving the door open.

He was right there were clothes sitting on the dresser neatly folded. Looking around the drab room I could see that the only thing that dust had covered had been me. It had been by my choice. I let the fall into nothingness take hold of me. I liked the feeling. He had awoken me from my own dark demons calling me to them. I had thought about death long before I had become what I was. It hit me. I could see it and feel it happening all over again. I looked around the room and I could only see the old kitchen. Tears washed down my face. I sank to the floor. Someone please someone just end it. That is what I had wanted that night. The floor was cool against my legs. I could feel it even though I had my pants on. My body was tired. I had been crying for days. They were gone. It was happening all over again.

I felt the loss of them welling up in me again. I needed to be free. I needed my life to end like theirs had. The wood of the drawers hit my back. I knew what I could do. I turned to reach the drawer. I knew which one to take. The cold steel with the white handle. It was the sharpest one. I ran it lightly over my arm. I could feel the blade leave its mark. Up to your heart is what I knew. The blue veins called me to do it. They felt like they were the same blue as the tears from my eyes. Left arm first. I knew it would be easier to cut into that one. There was nothing left but the darkness in the house and in my soul. They were gone. They were the ones who were my world. I could feel her then. Jane jumping on my shoulder. She hit me in just a way I missed. How could I have forgotten her. No one would know she was there. Jane. Her small face turned to me and rubbed her head against my cheek. The fur and whiskers reminding me I was not truly alone. I needed to stick around for her. It was that thought that crossed my mind. That made me put down the knife.

The haunting image left me shaken but he would not see that. No one needed to see that memory again. I grab some clothes quickly. I just needed to get out of here. Anything would do at this point. “You should be careful when hunting, we are not far from a town.” His voice wafted in from the other room. “Well if they get in my way who cares. You wanted me alive and moving here I am.” I stormed out of the room toward the door. “That is not what I meant.” I did not care what he meant or why he did it. He wanted me up and he wanted me alive. I would make him regret ever waking me from death. I grabbed the door and quickly turned the knob. He moved toward me but I opened the door to the night and I would be gone. I needed to be. I would be what he wanted. I would be just like him. My senses flooded to me with the rush of air from the opened door. Heartbeats calling and screaming to me “Take me”. “Soon I will” was my only reply. I moved toward the long grass and let my body disappear into it. It bushed against my body pulling me and holding me. I heard it then. Thump. It was a noise I missed. I was on the right track as it beat again. Thump.

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