Edge Of Darkness Part 2

With his hand on mine I could feel the warmth. The smoke and ash smell replaced by his. I took it in like a drug. I wanted him so much and now I had him. My skin was still raw, cracked and broken from what had happened. His eyes had returned from the cold green to the fire and passionate eyes I longed for. I moved to sit up but was not able. The world around us seemed to be still and unmoving. “Its time.” His voice distant, sounding like it was not from him. The darkness returned to him. His light was fading away again, into the darkness. I sprang from the bed trying to grab him and hold him here. Darkness was all that was in my arms. Darkness was what was in the room. He was not there. How could he be? My body still trying to fight to live fell back to the bed unwilling to let me run.

Hours passed and time slipped away from me night and day became the same. They were the shadows of the life forced on me. He came in trying to get me to feed but nothing worked. I did not want this life. My body felt more and more into me like a soufflé failing at any noise or any movement. The shadows of the life I had still wanted me. They wanted me to fall into the depths of their being. They wanted me to live again, to take hold of the darkness in me and find release. The shadows of this life left me wanting. I wanted the end I could not have. Ryan was gone and nothing of my soul, what soul did I have to lose, was lost.

Dust covered my body and I hoped it would bury me. I wanted to be here in the tomb of this life forgotten. Maybe if I was forgotten death would put me out of my misery. The dust felt like a thin veil against my body. Death would be my marriage bed. I let go of all feelings and knowledge of my body. I did not care if I cracked and broke from a lack of blood. I just wanted to be there again. I wanted to change the ending. I wanted what I had always wanted. I wanted the happily ever after. Fiction yes, it was all fiction. You never get those ends. Nothing in life ends happily as death is always the ending. Although no one would shed a tear when I left, when death claimed me. I was the murderer left rotting in the prison of their own body and mind begging for someone to strap me down and throw the lever. His sent faded from me like the taste of his blood. My mouth tasted of rust begging for release. It would be so simple to have him throw gas every where and just light the match and walk away. Please someone light the match, set me free.

The world like the walls seemed to close in. Cold swept through my veins unlike the hungry cold, I had moved beyond that. It was a new cold. I felt like a hollow statue laying on the bed. He should be alive. I should never have given into the darkness. Easy choices had lead me to this. It was all on me. How many had I killed? How many more would I kill if I moved? I felt him grab my body. The touch on my arm felt like grabbing a chicken wing. He pulled me into his lap, pulling me close to him. I could feel the invading warmth of his body trying to reach me. His skin smooth felt like fire against the ice of my body. Please leave me I wanted to say but my mouth and voice failed me. My eyes would not open. He brushed the dust from me sweeping gently over my face and hair. I was still cracked and I was sure that I had leaked out all the blood I could. I did not want him or anything. I did not deserve it.

“Please drink. You don’t know what you are doing.” I could feel the flaming blood rush against my lips and trail down them. My mouth was sealed shut. Its flames trailed down my lips and then down my cheek. I had not cried enough for him. My tears would not come anymore. How could I accept life after stealing everything from him. Time passed and no blood passed my sealed lips. I would not, no I could not let it in. I could not allow life to flow through me again. I was not worthy of the life. He laid me back on the bed. The creaking sounds of his movements told me he was gone. My throat was closed and I could feel nothing. The pain was gone. My heart had not beat. How could it. It was dead. Please take me. Death come for me. I needed it. I just needed to see him again to feel him once more. I needed him to know how sorry I truly was. That is selfish I know. It would not change what I had done. Nothing could change. I did not know where Ginger was and what good would it do to find her? She knew everything about me and knew how to kill me. Finding her would be death but to get to her I would cause more death. A vampire who does not want to kill, how pathetic.

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