January 11, 1997

when i woke up this morning, i read this on my brother's facebook:

"13 yrs ago today everything changed. heres to new paths in life, staying positive, and moving forward... and excellent seats at fenway ;o)"



1/11/1997. i was seven years old and my life was about to change. this morning was different from the other mornings when my mom woke me up for school, this morning she wasn't there. i ran downstairs calling her name, but she was nowhere to be found. frantic, i inquired my father. "she's with josh," he said, and then came the four words that nobody ever wants to hear. "there's been an accident."

the four words that turned my world upside down, that made my heart race, my head spin, and my stomach churn. i remember after initially hearing the news, i went into my kitchen, sat down, and waited. i waited for what seemed like hours for my mother to call, hoping to god that she would have wonderful news to tell. i was barely into the first grade and already i had dealt with the death of my grandmother, and now i was facing the potential tragedy of losing my seventeen year old brother as well. most kids my age couldn't understand death in the way that i did.

finally, after what seemed like hours, she called. at first, there was no tone in her voice, it was flat and emotionless and she asked to speak to my father. i asked if he was okay. she began to cry. apart from at my grandmother's funeral, i had never seen my mom cry before. she was strong and hard working and made all the rules. she never broke down in front of me. "i don't know." she told me.

josh was the oldest of my two brothers, and he was my hero. he loved snow mobiles, and had built what i interpreted to be a super cool fort in the woods back behind our house (in reality, it was a tool shed for him to work on his snow mobiles and cars). he collected old tractors to work on, mostly from my grandfather, and upon completing them, he would tie a small red wagon on a long rope behind it, and give me and a select few of my favorite stuffed animals a long ride around our five acres of backyard. he was about to graduate high school, and like most other kids his age, he was on top of the world. i remember how broken hearted i was the day that he moved out of my home and into an apartment with friends in haydenville. he gave me his green day "dookie" album, as well as nirvana's "nevermind"... my two favorite albums of his at the time.

shortly after, my mother awoke in the middle of the night to a phone call. josh had been riding his snow mobile in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night. he was clipped at the neck by a tree branch that he did not see. he was thrown off the vehicle, his neck snapped, his limbs broken. his friend screamed for help but it was the middle of the night, in the middle of the woods, no one could hear them. he ran for miles until he could flag someone down and call an ambulance. even when the ambulance arrived, the paramedics had no way of getting a stretcher that far into the woods. it was a tedious and complicated effort, and my brother was slowly dying.

when i was finally able to visit my brother in the hospital, his appearance was horrifying. he had a metal crown with screws drilled into his skull. he couldn't move, eat, or do anything on his own. my hero was broken and helpless, it was like seeing superman in that hospital bed. he had survived, miraculously, but he would be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life. he would never walk again. he was only seventeen.

i remember when all the people would stare when we went shopping at the mall, and josh would roll next to us in his wheelchair. they would stare when he was eating with his special utensils, or when we were loading him in and out of the car. i remember every time i saw people staring, i would feel so proud and happy that josh was my brother, never once did i feel awkward or embarrassed. i was eight years old and i had the best big brother anyone could ask for.

although doctors had said josh would never be able to use his hands, arms, or legs again, he now does everything that i or anyone else could do. he writes, he eats, he drives his own specially made car, he graduated from college, and he works full time. he lived to see the boston red sox win their first world series in 86 years, something he had waited for his entire life. he lived to see his friends get married, and his little brother and sister grow up. what amazes most people is that every time you see him, you would think he had just won the lottery. i have never seen him in a bad mood, and even in the worst of times he knows how to make anyone smile. he is the most optimistic, truly happy person almost anyone who comes across his path will ever meet. he has overcome more obstacles in thirteen years than most people do in a lifetime. every year when this day hits and i think back on that morning years ago, i realize how lucky i am to have josh in my life.

absolutely nothing has changed since i was seven years old, he is still my hero.

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