Losing Love (complete)---------Guy

I pulled into the drive way and sat there. My car parked but still running, waiting to leave. The trees sway, the children play and my car waits: humming impatiently.

“So…”

“So… what?”

“I don’t know, you’ve been really quiet lately, I’m just wondering what’s wrong.”

I thought about the question for a moment, my mind lingering over a million issues, none of them really mattered anymore.

“Nothing”

“Really?”

“Yeah really.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t believe you?”

And it occurred to me that I never gave her any reason to believe me, but she never really gave me any reason to trust her. I trusted her anyways and held on; hoping everything would work out right, one day. Hell it might have, but I just didn’t have enough will to wait. I wanted to, I really did try. God I tried!

She said, “I love you.”

And I lied and told her the same. The sad part being at one point it was true.

Back then, everything still seemed complex but at least there was the promise of progress… and I guess that’s a bad word to use because progress only ends. But I was happy just to hear her say ‘yes’ when I asked her out for the first time and even happier when she agreed for a second. I was content just to be around her.

She got out of my car and blew me a kiss as she walked toward her house. I was annoyed by the gesture, almost disgusted. Things had changed so much over the last few months. At first it was just fun, that’s all we wanted, but days turned to weeks and weeks to months and I wanted to be a little closer; she didn’t. I was okay with that though, I just wanted to be around her.

The wind whistled through my open windows and I shuttered. Time lulled on and I just sat there, lost in memories. I was content when she first said she loved me, more then content I was elated. I was even content when she didn’t have time for me because she wanted to see her friends: I just wanted her to be happy.

I was even cool when all my friends started joking with me because she flirted with every guy she was friends with. I just kept telling myself ‘I’m not a jealous person.’ I trusted her even though I had no reason to. I backed off a little and it took her two weeks to call me. I was hurt but I trusted her when she said ‘we’re still okay, I still love you.’ My friends thought I was dumb but they supported me when I gave her a second chance, they supported me when I gave her a third and fourth. They had never seen me try so hard for anyone; I guess neither had I. I wish I could remember when I gave up. I think it was around the time I called her up at three in the morning and she was still at some guy’s house. She didn’t do anything, at least that’s what she told me and that’s what I allowed myself to believe, but she still picked him over me. I realized she picked everyone over me and slowly everything started fading away.

She later told me I was her everything and that I didn’t need to worry, but that was only after weeks of me not calling and waiting for her. Somehow it didn’t have the same effect as if it was true. And here we are sitting in my car, her wondering what’s wrong and me just ready to leave. Maybe I just wanted to much from her… maybe I just wanted to be loved…maybe I’ll take all the blame one more time just so she can move on still feeling like everything’s going to be alright.

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