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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 2/9/2009 3:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
Unfortunately at her age, it is sometimes difficult to trust that "mother knows best." I know b/c I was there not that long ago myself. I wish she had somone older than her, but not a parent or aunt, to sit down with her and tell her how it is. One day she will either come to her senses or it will end and she'll be broken hearted, but down the line she will know it was the best. I wish I had better advice, but I will say to you that I wish you all the luck in finding a way to get her to understand!   |
Date: 2/9/2009 3:40:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
I am one of those lucky ones. My Daughter and I are VERY close and she tells me everything. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't though because I get so frustrated and want to kill the little jerk for the things he has done to her. My Daughter is normally so head strong and would NEVER have allowed anyone to treat her in this manner in the past. This boy has changed her.  |
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Date: 2/9/2009 3:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 1799
All you can do is tell her your opinion and leave it to her. She has to do it how she needs/wants to, unfortunately. You can't just tell them to dump the person. But let her know that you think she deserves better. And for gods sake, KICK HIM OUT! How many times has he broken rule #3 now?? Tell him to get out, vacate your property, find another place to stay. People like this don't learn, and they sure as heck don't plan to leave the house they can wriggle themselves into unless they are told to get out. I know this from personal experience. And I was trusting my best friend when I got a hard dose of reality from her. This guy isn't even a good boyfriend. Out, out, out!  |
Date: 2/9/2009 3:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
Well I think that it helps that you two are very close! Just keep letting her know how you feel; but don't demand she stop seeing him b/c you don't want to force a rebellion out of her!  Again, good luck with this  |
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Date: 2/9/2009 3:58:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
I would never demand that she stop seeing him. I know that would not work. She knows how I feel, but I have to choose my words so carefully. I just got off the phone with her. She was crying again..Grrrrrrr |
Date: 2/9/2009 4:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 53961
Show him the door. She will thank you later.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 4:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
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Date: 2/9/2009 4:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 53284
I think that you need to have a conversation with your daughter and ask her if she deserves to be treated the way her bf is treating her.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 4:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
Well for starters hun I wouldn't have taken him in. I'm afraid your girl is going to have to learn the hard way about him sweetie, cause the more you try to persuade her he is not right for her it will cause opposite action from her...I know how you feel though, when our kids hurt, so do we and the thing is, they might get over it but we don't and they can carry on like nothing has happened to them *shakes head*...but get him out of your house, heaven knows what he is up to! *hugs*  |
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Date: 2/9/2009 4:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 10657
I think you need to let her find out on her own and in her own way. If, he's really cheating on her one of their mutual friends will be the one to tell her eventually. No mom, likes to be the bad guy and no mom likes to see their child hurt and in pain. Remember, to be there to pick up the pieces for her that's the best thing that you can do for her right now. As, for the boyfriend what it really sounds like is that he has never had to be held accountable for his actions before. Also, he's young still so calling to let someone know he's still alive isn't really a top priority for them. Now, in eight years point me back to my words and say do you recall saying no news is good news. It's a mom's right to worry but, sometimes their mistakes they must make so they can learn and grow. Again in a few years point me back to my words  Good Luck z  |
Date: 2/9/2009 4:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 49080
I am so sorry to hear this. In my opinion, knowing that you love your daughter, you still should have not let him come and live with you. Love ya and all girl, but you kinda asked for it. Kick his butt out. If he doesn't come and get it, throw it out and leave a voicemail. As for your daughter, boost her up and let her know how pretty she is and that she will find her Mr. Right but this isn't him and talk her into dumping him.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 5:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
I wish I could help but I'm in the same type of situation with my daugter.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 6:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 28270
tell her, that you can really see this is upsetting her, tell her it hurts you to see her hurt, and suggest that maybe if she's constantly getting hurt over this maybe the relationship isn't worth it. what would it be like if they got married?? in the end, remind her that it's her choice, and all you care about is her happiness, and if she can manage to be happy and not hurt then thats what matters most to you. then leave it to her from there, and let their relationship go its own way.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 7:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 19871
At her age I'd say maybe you could approach her good friends for help. If they know what is good for her, they'd help sort it out.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 7:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
She'll figure it out soon enough. In the meantime, I wouldn't lift a finger to help him out any further. You've already done too much.  |
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Date: 2/9/2009 7:27:00 PM
From Authorid: 4144
first thing you need to do is send him packing. let him live with whoever he's disappearing with all the time. second, just sit down and have a serious adult conversation with your daughter. tell her that you can no longer allow him to live under your roof and it's up to her if she wants to keep seeing him but she needs to ask herself if this is how she wants to live the rest of her life. tell her to sit down and give it some serious thought. i know where you are at right now. had a daughter that age myself once. she's 24 now and is engaged to a really good man but it took her a long time to get there. when she was a senior in high school and for more than a year after she graduated she was with a boy that was nothing but trouble. and of course you couldn't pound anything through her head. his drug use got really bad (he wasn't doing any kind of drugs when they got together) and she finally broke it off. the day he killed himself he had planned to kill her too. God was keeping an extra close eye on my kid that day. like i said she's 24 now and sees that she wasted her junior and senior years of highschool putting up with this boys crap. good luck on finding the right words and getting her to listen.  |
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Date: 2/9/2009 7:54:00 PM ( Admin )
With everything this boy has been through by hurting the ones he loves, he has learned nothing about compassion. He doesn't care or doesn't understand what he is doing. In either case you have taught him that no matter what he does he is accepted back. He has nothing to lose and doesn't care enough even if he did. A persons entire happiness is based upon trusting the person they love. She can never have that happiness as long as he is not trustable. He may appear to change for a little while, until something tempts him again. There is a good article in Psychology today about girls that love the bad boys. There is no happiness for them, but they can't help themselves. |
Date: 2/9/2009 10:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 21266
If she's anything like any other teenager I knew {including myself}, she won't let go of the boy until someone who's not her Mother tells her to.  |
Date: 2/9/2009 11:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 52489
Once upon a time I had some friends whose daughter was in the same situation with exactly the same kind of boyfriend. They finally picked out a day when they knew he would not be around and had a VERY serious kitchen-table talk. The kind of talk where all social barriers are down, all the cards are on the table, and they told her in no uncertain terms that it could not go on any longer. She could live with them without him, or she could live with him, but it would not be under their roof. There was NO middle ground! It worked! She ditched him, and today she is married to a different guy and very happy. And the bad boyfriend? He's running with a motorcycle gang, and has a long criminal record! Try this solution. It should work.  |
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Date: 2/10/2009 4:00:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
My Daughter and I had a HUGE "discussion" last night. It didn't go well. She did call me this morning though and let me know that she told him he has to move out of my home immediately. He is on his own. |
Date: 2/10/2009 7:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 28848
You shouldnt have let him move in. That would have made it harder on their relationship. I know that's mean but sometimes it takes that in order to protect the ones we love. He sounds like a druggie to me. Why else would he disappear for days at a time? My husband did that through out our marriage, especially on weekends. And I put up with it for years because I felt like I didnt have any other options. I hope your daughter wakes up and sees him for what he is.  |
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Date: 2/10/2009 8:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 53284
I think that it's good he's going to move out. I hope that your daughter wakes up and dumps the loser. Bob |
Date: 2/10/2009 9:34:00 AM
From Authorid: 21764
wow that's horrible.. im sorry i don't have much advice for this sitch not ever having children and all.. but i am giving you *bi squishy hugs* right now..  |
Date: 2/10/2009 10:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 14754
sounds like an exhusband i had, found out here was using cocaine, thats why he didnt come home, Im sorry you and your daughter have to go thru this, trust me, you both dont need it and there is better for you and her.....get rid of the guy, hes had plenty of chances.  |
Date: 2/10/2009 11:04:00 AM
From Authorid: 46527
You can't make her see sis, only she can do that when the time is right. It hurts like heck to watch our kids making poor decisions, but you know that you have brought her up correctly and time will show her where she's going wrong. The more you try and make her see it, the blinder she will be.  |
Date: 2/10/2009 2:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
I know you want to help her, but this is a hard lesson that no one can learn for her. I haven't read the comments, but I'm sure most of those sum it up better than I could right now so I'll leave it at that.  |
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Date: 2/10/2009 2:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
If it helps, tell her this story: My husband and I just spent a Saturday in early November moving his friend's girlfriend out of their house because the guy had been disappearing for a night or so at a time, and it turned out he was with another woman. The girlfriend had wasted 6 years of her life with this guy and has to start all over at finding a boyfriend and a relationship if she ever wants marriage and a family (she's now 33). Tell your daughter to do what she wants, but that if she starts to feel like she's wasting her time, she probably is. |
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Date: 2/10/2009 3:27:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Thank you all for your advice and support. I do appreciate it. I thought by allowing him to move in with us, it would make things easier for her. She could focus on school through the week since he wouldn't be there to distract her, and she would see him on the weekends with us there to Supervise. Problem is..He doesn't care about anyone but himself and she spent most weeknights worrying herself sick about where he was and what he was doing. |
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Date: 2/10/2009 4:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
So I just got off the phone with my Daughter. I had her read this post. She says she is breaking up with him!! God I hope and pray she does it this time. |
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Date: 2/10/2009 4:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 10657
That's good news then |
Date: 2/11/2009 6:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 18527
I guess my first question is how old is he? If he's a minor then unless you have an order of custody or temporary guardianship it could mean legal troubles. If he is over 18 then he needs to move out. And you may find yourself filing an eviction notice through the courts or he might try and sue.  |
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Date: 2/11/2009 6:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 49080
I had to come back and look at this post you made. She is breaking up with him! Halleluiah! Now you can throw his stuff out! LOL. I hope for the best that she never goes back to him either. Keep me posted. |
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Date: 2/11/2009 11:43:00 AM
From Authorid: 1799
I'm so glad to hear that, and so glad you've sent him packing!! If she ever needs help or someone to talk to, I'm here, and I'm sure all of USM is. |
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Date: 2/11/2009 2:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
She did break up with him..Well sort of. She hasn't told him yet because of course no one can find him again. Well more like, his friends are lying for him again as usual. I spoke to his older brother this morning and he told me to bring the stuff to his place. How sad is it when this boy's own family tells my Daughter that she was too good for him? My husband just left to go pick her up at my Mom's. She has a long weekend this week and is coming home. |
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Date: 2/11/2009 2:24:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Keth, he is 19. He is an "adult" according to the law..yeah right. |
Date: 2/11/2009 10:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 15070
Hi Kelly, I am afraid I don't have any advice, or answers for you. What I can do is keep you in mind, and light a candle for your family on my altar. My oldest pulled a few stunts where I could have just throttled her! Including dating some real losers. Luckily she broke-up with them before she married a nice Guy. I know I gave my Parents FITS over the Guys I dated. I hope everything works out for you.  |
Date: 2/12/2009 10:43:00 AM
From Authorid: 57640
The hardest part is getting someone to realize things on their own. I have been on both sides...and both sides really suck. I think she knows how bad he is but wants him to change so bad and thinks that he will that she won't leave break up with him. Unfortunately, something more drastic(although she seems she has been through enough emotional rollercoasters) will have to happen..as bad as this sounds, maybe if she catches him cheating on her it will be enough for want him out, for good.  |
| Date: 2/25/2009 4:47:00 PM From Authorid: 64704 Well Mama, you know that after reading this I knew how badly it was hurting you. I smartened up and I think it may have been the most intelligent choice I've ever made. All a part of growing up! I love you woman!! -- your babygirl! |
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Date: 2/25/2009 5:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 33925
Yep! There was a lot of GREAT advice on this post and I am proud of you for making the right choices. You ARE growing up!! Love you babygirl! |
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