Date: 6/27/2008 10:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 10657
If, there isn't a spark then there isn't any passion either. I think every good realationship needs to have a spark there.  |
Date: 6/27/2008 10:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 61847
Honestly, it sounds like you know what you want. You just need to listen to your heart. I agree with your friends, if the spark isn't there, then there is nothing you can do. I'm sure he is a great guy, and its not because you're damaged. You are just not interested, which is FINE. I would end it and not drag him along. Especially if you honestly feel nothing for him. He may be feeling the exact same thing, but he may also be falling for you. And you don't want that awkward moment when he says that he loves you, and you can't return the words with complete honesty. *hugs*  |
Date: 6/27/2008 10:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
Kaja, if the spark isnt there hun, move on. You are the best judge to know, so if there is no spark and no passion, break free and move forward in your life. Who knows, you two may get together at a later date..  |
Date: 6/28/2008 12:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 61977
Sometimes people can feel obligated due to the 'friendship' or the small bond that they have with another hoping for that spark to just come. However, if it is not there now it won't be. To actually stick around and pretend is unkind and dishonest, IMO! Do yourself and the man a favor and be honest and let it go. Be true to yourself and listen to your intuition.  |
Date: 6/28/2008 12:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 62146
To me it sounds like you asume you would be attracted to him, because he is alot like you. Userly people who are alike do not attract each other. It's normaly opposites that attract. Thats my first thought on the situation. But another thing is, that I have been in your bf's situation, and now as off recently I am in your situation. I think if you force yourself to stay with someone you are not attracted to, then your just forceing yourself to be in the relationship instead off willingly being there. Which is no fun. And when that happens it starts to have negitive effects on you, You start getting irritated by little things that person dose, and you start neglecting them cause you don't have the passion to give %100 to them. In the long run it's better to break it off. But maybe you could come back to him one day. When the sparks return. But for now you gotta realise that if you we all could chose who we loved (or were attracted to) then it would be easier, but less magical. I am sure someone who you love who loves you back will come your way. But for now get out off this relationship so you can acctaully be able to date this future someone.  |
Date: 6/28/2008 12:51:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Well the worst part is the sparks never disappeared, they were NEVER there. When I met him, I only spoke to him because he just reminded me so much of someone I was madly crazy about (but never got). However after the first date that went away, and since hes not a direct clone the things that were attractive in that person (his blue eyes, thin frame, etc) are not qualities he has.
I dont think I ever felt attracted to him. I always hear a nagging voice in my head (I call it 'the normal people advice voice') that says 'Your not giving it a chance!' even when intuition tells you elsewise. So I went out with him to give him a chance, and its been the same thing all the way through. Unfortanitly I am pretty sure once ended there isnt much else to look forward to...this is the first person I've dated...and Im 21. My odds are not so good (and dont even start...when I was 8, 13, 16, and 18 on ward I was always told 'oh when your older you'll have guys falling for you!' All lies...) and I dont want to date just to date. I find it pointless, which is probably the hardest part of this affair here. Ugh...I dont think I can win either way...Thanks guys.  |
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Date: 6/28/2008 6:33:00 AM
From Authorid: 10657
So, you are feeling a bit in the dumps because, he was your first boyfriend. No big deal it happens to all of us but, you don't stay with someone and make your life miserable because, you feel A. There will be no one else B. I won't find someone else or C. No one else would want me. No you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You put on your smile and walk about with confidence cause, hun I have to say if, you are staying for those feelings you are staying for all the wrong reasons and none of the right. Sparks fly then, you have a match that may or may not last for a long time. I know from experience without that certain passion or spark there is nothing but, a loveless dead end realationship. ((HUGS)) |
Date: 6/28/2008 8:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 62849
Well, if you don't like being around him, then break it off. But if you're waiting for the wave of true love to wash over you, you'll be waiting forever. It just doesn't happen that fast- I mean, in fairy-tales it does, but in real life love and those feelings that come with it take time (much longer than a month and a half). Then again, I'm really glad you're not on here raving about how much you "love" him after only a month, or talking about getting married, or (god forbid) talking about wanting a baby with him, LOL. You'll know the right thing to do- when something feels right, it will be right.  |
Date: 6/28/2008 9:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 15228
Well, if the sparks aren't there, they aren't there. But have you thought that maybe you aren't use to a non drama relationship?  |
Date: 6/28/2008 9:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 64365
why don't you just relax and enjoy a good friendship...  |
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Date: 6/28/2008 4:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Thanks guys. I have expierenced that 'spark' from first sight before, but every time I try to 'make' myself give someone a chance (usually one date) it bores me to tears. He wins out because he can at least vaguely mentally entertain me...but its still not sparking. Beags you really think that can come along later even if your not vaguely attracted to the person? Nani I think we're way beyond that, whatever we are its in dating territory now and would involve some sort of heart break on his end at least. We met in person, I left without telling him how to get a hold of me (it was a by chance thing), and again by chance he found me online and we started talking for a week or two. Thats how he even got the chance...after that its been date after date but nothing is sparking me. |
Date: 6/28/2008 5:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 63831
if i weree you id just end it. my situation was just the opposite of yours, and he ended it. so i think im in your guys shows in this one, but saying this from experience, braek it off before you make him hold on even longer, its for the better. cuz trust me, getting drug around just to see if its gonna get better sucks. and it hurts, the longer you wait, the more its gonna hurt him.. i was drug around for 9 months, thinking things were just fine, and now im single. and my heart aches like no other.. so dump him now and save the hurt.. &sorry if this is the slightest bit rude, ive had a long day...  |
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Date: 6/28/2008 5:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 63831
oh and like nani said, friendship is a good thing. |
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Date: 6/29/2008 6:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
Kaja- I absolutely believe that the spark can come later. To really love someone, you have to really get to know them. Almost everyone gets into relationships and feels that lust right away and decides that they're in "love." Then they get to know the person and realize they're not remotely compatible but think they're still meant to be because of those initial feelings. I think that if you gave this guy a chance and you can have interesting conversations, get along, and be good to one another, something incredibly strong and solid could come from it. As in, functional family kind of something. I know you don't want to stay if it won't lead anywhere- I agree and never stuck around for the dead-enders, myself. At the same time, look deep- if you can overcome some of the minor initial issues, do you think he could be someone you could spend the rest of your life with? |
Date: 6/30/2008 12:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 64637
You should end it. If there was something, it would have evolved by now. Don't lead him on believing that you like him as much as he likes you. Besides, if he is just like you, that is the first flag! You need someone who is all that you are not, to complete you, in some ways i suppose. If everyone was the same what would this world be like? That's my advice!!Take care good luck and God Bless!~~MidnightSun  |
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Date: 6/30/2008 4:21:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Honestly Beags the thought that 'this is it' makes me want to jump into the ocean. Its dull. Very dull. If there isnt someone more exciting to come, and I am sentenced to a satisfaction-less relationship/marriage then that is just not right...Id rather be single. |
Date: 7/6/2008 3:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 19625
You can't "grow" chemistry, so to speak. If it ain't there, it ain't there and I say let it go before anyone gets in too deep and there's too many feelings involved. Also, it's really hard to fake feelings, eventually, he'll figure out that you're not into him. Break it of, give both of you the chance to find something better and more fulfilling. It's what dating is all about. Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without. And I'm willing to put money down that this is not your last chance, you sound like a smart girl with a personality, and guys get more interested in those things as they get older, like... past 25 or 30 for some, or even older. Really, 21 isn't that old, my brothers 23 and he's never had a serious girlfriend, or even really dated, but he's a sweet guy and gradually more and more girls are beginning to see that. And if you believe this guy is a good fun guy, then is it really fair to him to keep him from another girl who WILL feel a spark for him? Just my opinion.  |
Date: 7/21/2008 11:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 52489
Without the Spark, it will not work. Don't put effort into a relationship in which you don't feel any chemistry. I've tried, and it's a painful mistake.  |
