|
|
|
|
|
 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
| |||||||||||||||
Date: 3/18/2008 8:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 64593
Kaja, thank you for posting this. It is an absolute outrage for anyone to treat another with such disrespect! Especially someone they love or act like they love. No woman should be treated that way from their bf, fiance(e?), husband, best friend, anyone. And no woman should look down upon herself and thinks she's not worth being with because of her weight or she wears too much makeup, or doesn't wear enough, or her clothes aren't sexy enough. Just thanks. Victoria aka Teal Dreams.  |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 8:47:00 AM
From Authorid: 64593
I know I already posted but I had read the title and only the first paragraph when I did. Now I went back and read your post and it was really great. Very informative and really uplifting. Thanks for posting this. Every woman needs a reminder sometimes on what to do for themselves and what really makes us sexy. |
Date: 3/18/2008 8:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 56359
Great post! Men like this are bullies, and weak. I think most of the men who say lose weight or I’m going to leave want out of the relationship anyway. But, they can’t be honest about it, because that would be way too much to ask. Instead they have to bully and abuse someone else to get they want. That’s exactly what a bully is. And if they’re ever stood up too, they back down very quickly. Love is Love, and wrong is certainly not Love.  |
Date: 3/18/2008 8:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 62606
Wow... this has got to be one of the best posts I have ever read here! People like you make me so glad I found this site  Thank you for all of that insight... I am guilty of a lot of the things you mentioned. I've never felt worthy or even like a real woman due to my weight & self-esteem issues. When a guy does show interest in me, I usually think it's because he's drunk... lol. *slaps wrist* I've been wanting to read a couple of those books you mentioned. I think I just might get them soon. Thanks again for your post. I can tell you must have spent a VERY long time on it and you really put your heart into it!  |
Date: 3/18/2008 9:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 20579
*stands up and aplaude* You know I might not have anything long or major to write here but I do have to say, BRAVO!!!! Kaja it's about time a woman said things that I've been saying. It doesn't matter on the outside. It's men like that whom have smeared mud on the face of all men, espically men like me and a few others I know. Yeah I still do the whole eye look and everything but I'm a guy thats something I can't help. Yet I do know my gf is not a skinny super model but by the gods she's so sexy to me. Its because of men like that always chasing after the stuck up model types and putting down people like my girl that give low selfesteem. Hmmm guess now I'm ranting. Anyway thank you again for this post and thank you for standing up to show that all woman can be sexy.  |
Date: 3/18/2008 9:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 62579
Very well written post. Thanks for taking the time to help out the women. I really learned some things and by the way I had to laugh at the pole dancing book. I can see my clumsy self doing that... yeah in a million years Haaa!  |
Date: 3/18/2008 10:02:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
This was an amzing and really inspiring post Kaja..honestly!! agree with you wholeheartedly..I was with a guy for almost 11 years who told me that I was fat when I was *get this* 130 pounds..which I don't think was bad for having had a child 4 years before!! The more he got on me, the worse I felt until I just frankly didn't care anymore and I went up to over 200 pounds..after the split with my most recent ex and moving back *home* around my family I lost weight and am currently back down to a size 14/16 depending on the brand from a 22 just a little over two years ago..I'm kind of at a standstill right now but plan to work out before my wedding..not for anyone but ME and my OWN satisfaction though, which really is making all the difference...my fiance thinks I'm beautiful as I am..  |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 10:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 33401
Good Job! I'm glad you wrote this!!! I bookmarked it! LOVE,  |
Date: 3/18/2008 10:47:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
Thank you so much Kaja for taking the time to post this.I truly appreciate it.I read and read it thoroughly and just speechless lol.So kind of you and caring to think for others and i want you to know your hard work to keep up with everyones thoughts and feelings is very much appreciated....Gives you a big tight (((((hugs))))))...Thank you for the post....Much love and God Bless......  |
Date: 3/18/2008 10:52:00 AM
From Authorid: 64365
...50 does not necessarily mean you will be wrinkled and have saggy breasts  |
Date: 3/18/2008 12:37:00 PM
From Authorid: 16916
Here here!! Very nicely written Thanks  |
Date: 3/18/2008 12:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
...what gets me is that women can near on line up to buy beauty magazines or 'womens' magazines that do little more that effectively highlight what they aren't...then when they are sufficiently demoralised by all that they'll jump in another line to buy even more books about how to feel better about themselves. Sorry - but I think a bit more focus needs to go internal rather than external - it's not the man, it's not the world, it's not the upbringing or the context people live in...it's their own headspace and their own perceptions that need to change.  |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 2:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 56359
I highly disagree with Agent Smith. It’s not their perceptions that need to change; society does have something to do with it; much, in fact. For instance, look at the Duke Lacrosse fiasco. I know just how the whole mess ended up and all of that, but remember how it was first reported. The poor college boys were being harassed by this ‘disgusting’ ‘no good’ prostitute, right? HA! I don’t condone prostitution and, Lord knows, never participated or will ever participate in something like that, but, since she was that way, she was the lire and the bad person. It was society’s ‘perception’ that because she was a prostitute she can’t be raped; that she can’t be trusted. I think that’s ridiculous. These college age guys, who, by the way, were throwing a party with underage drinking, and who hired this woman to come to their party, were the sweet upstanding members of the community. PLEASE! And again, I know how the story ended up, but remember, I’m talking about how it was first reported. Society’s ‘perception’ of how a women should be had a lot to do with the initial reporting. On a personal note, although I’m a man, I know just what it’s like to be judged on appearance. When I was in school, I knew the feeling of sitting at the lunch table by myself; it happened many times. And just because I didn’t have the right clothes, and I didn’t have that… whatever you need to be with the ‘in’ crowd, I hurt. Now, I know my situation is not the same thing, but there certainly are similarities. In my situation, it didn’t have anything to do with magazines or self-help books, it had everything to do with people looking at me, and deciding that they want nothing to do with me without finding out about who I was. In my upbringing I was taught to be proud of myself, but it’s hard to remember those lessons when you’re being made fun of. This post originated, I think, from another post where a husband/boyfriend was treating his wife/girlfriend with a terrible amount of disrespect, therefore, with all due respect – and I due have regard for your thoughts – I think that you’re wrong. Once again, this is a really good post |
Date: 3/18/2008 3:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
I dated a guy who told me I'd gained too much, when in fact I had just lost a lot from being ill. He wasn't happy with me, while I was- so I left him. My husband would never tell me anything about my weight- but I have asked him to get on my case if I start really letting myself go- I would rather have him tell me when he notices I'm getting fat (pregnancy weight does not count...) than have him tell me after I'm already a giant ogre, because I'll be unhappy with myself for letting myself go. For the post: there's some stuff here I definitely agree with, but I think the most important part is that a girl is happy with herself and content with her life. I can be 5 lbs overweight in sweatpants and flipflops, messy pony-tail, and no makeup, in need of an eyebrow wax and pale as a ghost (tan is not for everyone- but I look a thousand times better tan than pale) and still feel hot because I totally love my life.  |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 3:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
In other words, I agree that sexy is a total state of mind- you shouldn't even have to do yourself up to feel hot. |
Date: 3/18/2008 3:08:00 PM
From Authorid: 63077
I agree with Agent Smith. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I think if any woman, or man for that matter, is you going to feel like crap because society and their culture or whatever external stimulus tells them, they need to step back and re-evaluate how they're judging themselves. If somebody genuinely thinks they "can't help" how they feel about themselves based solely on what they were "told" to believe, then they probably have some more serious issues than self-image and self-esteem, I think.  |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 3:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
Thank you USMC. That is the point and position I am coming from. Ultimately people can only disempower you if you let them. And by disempowering I mean BEYOND the level of physical disempowerment - I mean at a level of spirit, of inner-self, of personal will. I guess where I'm coming from is from the perspective of being a minority in my country, of being brought up exposed to all types of abuse - and I do mean ALL - of growing up 'down and out' where the only pathway for most/majority was either jail, the morgue, drugs/alcohol/abuse, gangs or the street. I've been beaten down more times than I can remember, harrassed and torments more times than I can remember, relegated to nothingness and judged as nothing more times than I can remember and ostracised and arrested for doing little more than being brown in a neighbourhood written off by society. And where am I now - well, NOT there. Why? Because I finally came to the realisation that fate may deal you some crumby cards, but its YOU who has to play them. Society may spit in your face (oh believe me thats literally) but its YOU who either wipes it OFF or wipes it IN. I know how harsh society can be, I know how powerful society can be, I know how much of a juggernaut societal opinion can be (having also spent some time within an activist protest movements getting beat down, arrested and all manner of crap (again literally) thrown at me for 'daring to question the status quo'). Ya know what I learnt from standing on protest lines and from picking my teeth up out of my own blood on the ground?? That ultimately the only persons opinion you can adequately change is your own. The only person who can truly hold you back is yourself. The only person who truly has power over you - is you. It's about retaking, reclaiming your own personal power. The more we stay stuff in the cycle of externalised responsibility the less we grow. |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 4:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 56359
I’m happy to hear more of your thoughts, and I appreciate them a great deal. Now, I understand your previous comment much more. Also, I now think that we’re coming to the same conclusion. The fact of the matter is, I’m glad I went through those difficult times, because I can enjoy the happiness I experience now so much more because of the terrible sadness that I went through as a child and teenager. As I grew and matured, my priorities changed, and people’s ignorance just stopped mattering to me (when it concerned me). This is what I love about these discussions; you learn about people, and you learn from those people. I’ve seen your comments many times before, Agent Smith, and may not agree all the time, but I always value your intelligence and opinions. |
|
Date: 3/18/2008 5:49:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Wow I go to bed and wake up to find all these lovely comments . I'll have to reply bit by bit. Dina you are a real woman and Im sure your beautiful. Dont let them tell you elsewise! Milenko there is nothing wrong with a man giving the eye to a pretty woman; as long as that is ALL (anything else without her permission would be a bit much). Men should make women feel beautiful and womanly. LOL Angel in the Attic when I found it I was in the new age section which in that small store was back to back with the dance section. I laughed so hard because I couldnt believe there was an Idiots guide to it  (I had already taken the classes). Warning for anyone who actually takes pole classes: bruises. EVERYWHERE!Sorry Nani I did write it tired. Women of 50 are beautiful too. My point was though via nature you will not look 20 at 50. You can still be gorgeous; but things wont be the same. Agent Smith I actually like magazines. I susbscribe to about 4 though only 2 are 'womens' magazines and one is British at that (I hate the American counterpart). I actually think to a sane woman these things are of great help; they give good health advice and good tips for feeling beautiful. Any woman who feels insecure via them needs to find the real reason for her blame. ScreenWriter I agree. I grew up in a midwestern town and when Id dress up to go to the karaoke bar as mentioned and I was told by worried relatives and friends I could be 'raped' for it and to cover up. Id like to know why me wearing an outfit would be an invitation to rape. That is the type of perceptions (worriers and rapers) that needs to go. As does a lot of the perceptions of us all being at war with each other as females; and the perception that only thin women win. You may never look like a celebrity; but last time I checked you didnt have to as a normal person. Just be healthy! Beags good for you! However with a lot of women that state of dress is 'just cuz' and it really makes them either feel 'meh nothing special' or dowdy. Thus why that advice. But if you can rock em go for it . I think Agent Smith's last comment hammers home a lot of it.  |
|
Date: 10/1/2008 6:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 33401
I still read this everytime I feel a bit down! Thanks again for posting this! Lol! Much love, |
Renasoft is the proud sponsor of the Unsolved Mystery Publications website.
See: www.rensoft.com Personal Site server, Power to build Personal Web Sites and Personal Web Pages
All stories are copyright protected and may not be reproduced in any form, except by specific written authorization
