Date: 3/8/2008 11:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 39440
im sorry you had to go through this, but from the sounds of it you know how your family is. so why should you be surprised by it. and you say the thing about the cards and money isnt about the monetary thing. well when you complain that the card were cheap and they only put like 4 dollars in it, then it is a monetary thing. but still im sorry you had to go through this. i hope you heal and get well soon.  |
Date: 3/8/2008 11:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 3321
All I can tell you is that we have the families we have...no changing it. Just keep in your heart all of the prayers that we are sending you from this site, and the thoughts of your very kind friend who wanted to be by your side. I hope you find yourself healing and on your feet soon, best wishes.  |
Date: 3/8/2008 11:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
i can understand where your coming from.. i don't get birthday cards from any of my family.. when i was in the hospital having a baby(there for 4 days nearly had a c-section pretty tramatic labour) the ONLY person who sent anything was my mother, and a friend from my baby group(1 out of the 20+ women) stopped by with some flowers(completely surprised me!) my parents didn't fly down(wasn't affordable at nearly 600 a ticket) its sad that none of my family sent anything (not even cards after i mailed them ALL an announcement card with photo) but i just accepted it as yup thats my family.. sometimes you just need to accept it and say "yup thats my family" and expect nothing.. not even a cheap card and that way when anything comes.. you end up being surprised  |
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Date: 3/8/2008 11:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 3321
AND...I completely think it's ok for you to post this. You just had surgery and are on painkillers, etc. So, I understand that little things are frustrating right now. Just try your hardest to get through it and hopefully things will look up soon. |
Date: 3/8/2008 11:32:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Well I was just trying to describe it. I hoped to avoid that misconception when I mentioned Id rather have just a nice letter wishing me well. My complain about the cheap cards is thats ALL it is. Like two lines of 'get well' and done. Thats why I find them thoughtless; not to much the money (which I find tacky). Heck they could throw a $20 or a $50 in there Id still be upset. I guess I also take the time to buy people nice cards, something pretty, and write a nice little message out the intended.
I guess its just coming to a head for me. I just got an email from my sister (the one who hasnt spoke to me) basically giving me the same chain of excuses the rest of them have. I find it tragic this has been instilled in her.  |
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Date: 3/8/2008 11:35:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Thanks guys. Midnightly Im sorry about that. I just think people should be kinder I guess. I mean if I had a baby (and with the hormones) and people treated me like that I would be greatly insulted and greatly flattered by those who cared. Ya know the biggest thing is I cant understand at $300 a roundtrip ticket that not ONE of them even vaguely offered. Its not 'cheap' but...its major surgery. And in your case you have your husband at the least; Im literally hobbling around and putting off eating because I dont wanna get up and go scrounge something together. Its painful for me to get from one position to another. So I guess thats why I find it even more insulting |
Date: 3/8/2008 11:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
I think you should be happy you got anything at all. My daughter's boyfriend turned 18 (legal age here) and his parents didn't even wish him a happy birthday. He lives with them and they didn't say poop to him. My daughter and I took him to Bingo (didn't want to go drink but wanted to try bingo like boo did) and when he won 50 dollars instead of being happy for him his dang parents told him that it probably cost that much to pay so it doesn't count. He is still in school and they are now making him pay rent and won't give him a ride anywhere even at -40. Personally if my family even gave me a card I would be happy.  |
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Date: 3/8/2008 11:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 13119
And to say its tasteless and insulting is showing how selfish you can be. And for your gramma, be happy she is trying, give her credit for spending the 60 dollars and buying you anything at all. |
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Date: 3/8/2008 11:42:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Magoo that sounds just like my family. For my 18th bday they made me go to dinner with them and proceeded to complain about my choice of resteraunt, what I wanted to do, and then made me go home. I had to walk to school 2 miles usually in the snow for a year because my mother wouldnt drive me (I was 14-15). I think what makes me the maddest is they make it out like I should be so close with them then they act this way. I really...Im cutting the cords Im sick of it. |
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Date: 3/8/2008 11:44:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
No she didnt buy anything; my point was she intended to and called me 16 times as I was coming out of surgery haze. I dont feel it makes me selfish; maybe Im petty. But the flight thing is really bothering me. Mainly because like I described I have 2 weeks of this on my own. |
Date: 3/9/2008 12:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
It's truly difficult to understand our families.My family side sisters,mother,aunts,and uncles.I guess when it comes to being magnanamus i'm lucky on that behalf.Their very giving,caring,and willing to give me anything whatever it is i may need.The only problem is i don't need it and rather be away from them as far as possible.I do miss my mom dearly and wish soon i can go home and see her again.You know sweety we can never have it all even if we wish we could.Somehow i would say from the very beginning(ancestors) must have been cold to each other and just do not care or thoughtless at some point.You can never change that just try and take care of your self and your loved one's who is close to you.They are the important one you need to focus on giving all the love they need as much as you do.I'm afraid seeking from distant relative only add to hurt and even more wondering how you survived being around them.You need to let go and just moved on.Try not to hold grudge againts them is never good to your heart and mind.Do not dwell into negative things remember you just had your surgery you need to be able to rest a bit and do try.Medications will make you a bit more sensitive so give your self a breather relax and just live......Much love and God Bless YOU Always....  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
This is the story of my life but I excepted that a long time ago. I would have to say at least you get some kind of attention, cards, phone call, etc. It was my birthday last Monday and I didn't get one card or one phone call because everyone "forgot", even my own son. So I went shopping and made my own self happy.  I think maybe you need to strengthen yourself emotionally and except your family for the way they are, otherwise, you only hurt yourself by letting it get to you. Take what you can get and be happy with that because it's actually more than some others may have. I understand how you feel though but don't let the expectations get the better of you. It does no good.  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:21:00 AM
From Authorid: 15394
As to the title of your post, you have the right to feel any way you feel. But the question is, do you want to? As to the part of is it tactless? Well, you expectations are not lining up with the actions of your family. Tactless no, inconsiderate and uninvolved yes, they seem very disconnected, but there isn't anything you can do about that. Live your own life and let them be, knowing you will get nothing from them. Although a card isn't much it IS something... My best to you for a speedy recovery!! And bless your gramma's heart for trying!  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 64365
Why would you want someone who is constantly berating you and putting you down around you? Especially after surgery? I'm sorry you felt so alone, and it's sad that you are having a tough time getting through it. Your mother wanted to do something nice for you, but you asked for something else instead. It's kind of hard to want to keep on doing something for someone who is too hard to please. Cheap cards and no money? At least your relatives thought enough of you to send something. Maybe you have just expressed your independence so much that they thought maybe you didn't need help. 300 dollars in this day and age is a lot of money. Maybe something else was going on in their lives that they just couldn't get away. I'm sorry to sound so harsh...I don't mean to.  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 48809
I am sorry that you are ill and I hope that you will get better soon.Not everyone is thoughtful and giving and will send expensive cards, candy and flowers when we might like to receive them.I can see that you might be upset by the small gifts and cheap cards that you have received ... but at least someone thought of you. As someone said we cannot change our families and so knowing how they are , the next time I would keep my expectation down hon.  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 64497
I would be very upset at their thoughtlessness. I know most people are going to say 300 is a lot of money... But I bet they would spend 300 to see if their child was okay, and recovered quickly from major surgery... Or maybe not, maybe they are just stingy and money means more than the health of their child. Anyways, I can also see why you are upset that no one took the time to write something long on a card, which would've taken what, 2 minutes? Seems pretty thoughtless to me. It seems some people said you should be happy with what you have, but I bet they wouldn't like it if they had to hobble around all alone for two weeks while recovering from major surgery. I really hope you get better soon, *hugs* and you probably should put some thought into your family and how much involvement you are going to have with them.  |
Date: 3/9/2008 6:50:00 AM
From Authorid: 24963
oh i can believe it, I have a friend who's family treats her the same, and in my opinion, the only one in her family with a brain.. Anyways i'm sorry you have to go through that. i sure wouldn't blame you if you cut ties with them! You know they say blood is thicker then water.. but I also say say yeah, sometimesthe thicker the faster you'll sink and drown lol. I feel for you I really do. And I think you have every right to be upset!!
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Date: 3/9/2008 9:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 62849
They're probably still reeling about the way you left your hometown- some of the things you said about your family in the past were pretty harsh: maybe they didn't think you would appreciate the visit or cards or flowers anyway? Your grandmother really tried her best- yes, you were in a haze after surgery, but she was probably worried about you and really wanted to make an effort. Be thankful that people sent you cards with some money- I've never heard of getting money after a surgery- that's a really nice gesture!  |
Date: 3/9/2008 3:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 40145
well I don't like to make it all negative but hon, I would not care if my mom, or sister, dad, my fiance gave me a card that cost a penny, because they show they care, they are thinking of me. you should be happy about getting a card and not HOW MUCH they paid? thats kinda selfish, why would you want a $60 dollars fruit flower? cookie flower?? why can't a card be good enough? maybe your family can't afford to fly to be with you. Im sorry but I think you are being kinda overracting over how they treats you. be grateful they think of you. and I hope you are doing better after your surgery.  |
Date: 3/9/2008 4:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
Sorry that you had to go through that. I go through many holidays without getting stuff from some close friends or even my families. Just think of it this way, at least YOU got something! Even if it's a small thing. At least it is something. But I know how it feels to be upset like that....I know that I do get upset whenever my husband doesn't do anything for me, for my bdays, vdays or even sometimes on Christmas. Not even a card...hurts a little. I tell him, that I don't really expect anything from him, like diamonds or anything....just anything that he can give.  |
Date: 3/10/2008 9:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 19345
you know I really do understand how you feel, I just had surgery and was in a neck brace and a no drive thing for 8 weeks, in my case everyone bailed on me, my so called best friend wanted 25 bucks if she was to give me aride, the two times she did take me to work she was late both times one 45 minutes. My so called boyfriend only came by 2 times in six weeks, guess what I don't even get cards or gifts from anyone for my birthday xmas or anything so I guess be glad evern for the 50 cent card it really is better then nothing  |
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Date: 3/12/2008 5:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 64549
Bless your heart. Sounds like your family lives back in the stone age. I have those family members, too. They say things like "well looky there at your new 'Naner 'Buplic' britches! I bet you got some of those Choo Choo shoes, too!". No I don't have any Jimmy Choos. But anyway. Some people are just backwards. I think it is time that you accept them for who and what and how they are, honey. Focus on your friends and life where you are now. Look at your family back home as entertainment, not as emotional support. (((HGUS))) *AnnieLouWho* |
Date: 3/12/2008 5:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 12072
the card part made me lol--I rarely if *ever* buy a card that costs more than a dollar--I usually get them at the dollar store where they're 50cents because honestly it's the thought that counts, not the price of the card. Unless you'd rather they spend the few bucks they sent you on a fancy musical card (I almost bought one until I realised they're 5$ each--back to my dollar store cards I went).  |
Date: 3/17/2008 6:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 63553
I am so sorry that you went through all that but remember it may not seem like it but your relitives still love you through thick and thin.
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