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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 2/16/2008 10:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
I don't know what to say except don't give up- but in the same token, stop tryng so hard...I found that my best luck with men came when I just didn't care anymore and had given up on the idea of love..I was more interested in myself and learning who I was and doing what I wanted for the first time in my life..and I literally just "happened" to meet this guy- had NO interest in him at first..he was a nice guy and we talked here and there..then we met up at my cousins' party, spent time talking and getting to know one another- we became friends and hung out with no expectations, each of us stating that we didn't want a relationship..and now here we are a year and a half later engaged to be married..LOL Irony at it's best- just when we both had given up we found each other!! Keep in mind also that love isn't instant..nor is attraction at times...I firmly believe that attraction grows as you get to know someone because as you learn who they are inside, THAT'S when something starts to grow..there is no magical love at first sight, no cherub who shoots an arrow into your hearts and star crosses your eyes for each other..anything worth having in life is earned over time..you've been given some great advice from what I read in your post- my advice now is this- spend some time finding yourself and falling in love with her...then the rest will fall into place...you'll still have rough patches..but as you stumble through each one you gain strength, confidence, and self love...guys love confidence..  |
Date: 2/16/2008 11:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 36511
I think part of finding the "right" man is luck....Everyone is an individual, different in their own way. Somewhere out there is someone who will just "click" with you. And yeah finding that person is the hard part. That's where the luck comes in. You can't just have a surefire plan on how to get him--it just happens. Usually when you least expect it. You never know. All you can do is date frequently and increase the chances of finding him. Honestly I wouldn't let it get to me if I were you. There's plenty of time and plenty of men out there...relax and enjoy the dating process, have fun! You'll get there. The problem is not that your intelligence turns men off--and don't think for a second it would, because that is not true--it's just that it's a big world out there, and there are ALOT of people, but only a few who will truly connect with you. Just relax, be patient...you'll get there. I don't know if I'm making sense. This is just my take on the whole situation. Don't get discouraged!  |
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Date: 2/16/2008 11:10:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Well Xylanthia the sad part is I DID expierence 'love at first sight' but was unable to get that person. Still not over them 2 years on but I try. As for this 'just wait and someone will come along' advice I still dont believe it given the situations and then say I do that and someone comes along...then what I have to wait for them to make a move? No one ever specifies this because you must remember the only men who ever make a move or ask me out are the loosers described above. I love myself enough; I know who I am. I just cant handle how other people interact with me. Wolf Girl just kill me now if I have to 'date frequently'. THESE ARE THE DATES. If this is what Im subjected to more and more then just end it now. I have yet to have a good offer for a date. No one tells you how to remedy that either.  |
Date: 2/16/2008 11:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 21867
...first and foremost - love yourself...the rest will click into place...  |
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Date: 2/17/2008 5:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 36511
Hmm, have you tried online dating services? I think that might be the way to go. That way you could be specific about the type of person you're looking for. I had a friend who actually found her husband using one of those sites. Hey, it's something to consider, anyway. |
Date: 2/17/2008 8:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 35720
I think you worry too much about finding a partner. Sometimes you find one when you least expect it.. in the least expected place. I only had one psuedo relationship when I was 16-17 and after that, I was single for 3 years before I started dating a good friend of mine. It was kind of out of nowhere, but we've been together a year now. Don't try so hard.. and what's wrong with being single anyway..? It's fun!  |
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Date: 2/17/2008 8:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 35720
Also, there are plenty of intelligent girls out there who are happily married/have steady relationships.. I'm smart and I think my boyfriend appreciates that rather than discourages it. If the guys you're after are "turned off" by it, you're looking in the wrong places. |
Date: 2/17/2008 1:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
1. You're turning 21 and you want to be "30 and married"- don't wish your life away. 2. It seems the whole "don't look and don't worry about it" thing *did* work for you if 7 guys asked you out... as far as why they stood you up, I'd have to hear the whole story on some of the ask-outs to figure out why they might not have shown.  |
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Date: 2/17/2008 1:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
Ah, and Rika's right... I literally just asked my husband, "I have to ask you a question for advice purposes. What do you like most about me?" After a second, he told me, "Probably your personality. I can joke around with you and you get me and we can have a good time." I asked, "So would you say that intelligence plays a role in that?" His reply, "Oh, yeah- absolutely." Me: "So intelligence doesn't turn you off?" Him: "Oh, no. Stupid girls are irritating. Guys date stupid girls, if they're hot, for the action. They're not good for much else." |
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Date: 2/17/2008 1:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
Wait.. are you turning 21 or turning 25? I just went back to check an old post but your birthday says 1982. This could actually have something to do with it.. |
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Date: 2/17/2008 9:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
You're worrying WAY too much- when it happens and it's right, it'll all just fall into place and will literally need little to no prompting..like I said, just relax and stop pushing so hard for it..what's the rush?? When you worry about it too much all you're GOING to find is more of the same...You're young, enjoy dating and having options open to you..I remember from past posts for advice that you (no offense meant here, but calling it as I've seen it) always tend to have this urgency to have exactly what you want when you want it..and this is one of those areas where it's just not realistic..you're pushing too hard for something you CAN'T control..ease up and live your life and concentrate on other things that you CAn control..the rest will happen when the time is right. |
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Date: 2/17/2008 9:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
Also food for though Beags gave you an example of one man's opinion and thought..here's what my fiance siad with the same line of questioning as Beags used Me: "What do you like most about me?" Him "Because you're my other half, and you just fit into my life..what I don't know, you do" Me: 'so, you knew this right away" Him "God no, that took time for us to hang out and get to know each other and find that out" There you have it..guys that are worth it are attracted to intelligence and those who want to take the time to get to know each other and believe in the possibility of something growing.. |
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Date: 2/17/2008 10:49:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
I think what I hate most about this advice is the repeated by almost every reply: 'just enjoy dating'. I hate it. I hate the men who ask me out. The men I like never make a move on me and Im told not to make a move on them. I give the horrid men chances (and truely hold out some hopes for the night) and just get surprised by how AWFUL the dates turn out. None of these men bother even to do anything nice or even be nice. I hate dating; I hate the thought of going through 20 more wretched dates and not even having ONE good expierence. I dont want to 'date' unless there's going to be some 'good' men or some 'good' expierences. If anyone would like to tell me how to turn this wretched situation around Id be happy to listen. |
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Date: 2/18/2008 8:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
Wow..ok first of all the good men AREN'T gonna make a move on you because it's called respect..so are you looking for a nice respectful man that you can grow into a relationship with over time or a Fast Freddie who wants nothing but the obvious and ditches you as soon as he gets it?? Pardon me for being frank- but it sounds as if you're after the latter, or you're equating physical attraction with relationship material..lust is fleeting and almost never ends well...my advice for you to turn this wretcghed thinking around is to change YOUR attitude and perceptions as to what a "good date" entails cause it seems to me you're expecting all the wrong things...sorry to be blunt..and what about asking someone you're interested in out yourself to give yourself more freedom in the choice of whom you date?? That is done these days.. |
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Date: 2/18/2008 8:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 62100
wretched situation rather not wretched thinking sorry |
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Date: 2/18/2008 2:16:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 15675
Xylanthia see now thats the funny thing; I said that in the first paragraph: people think Im after 'lust' which you just said. No Im not. I want a good relationship. The men who hit on me and ask me out are the ones who want the 'lust' and heck they arent even WORTH it. Dont get me wrong...I see nothing wrong with the 'lusty' aspect but if Im going that route its going to at least be a good looking guy who knows what hes doing (unlike all THESE men). But Im not seeking it...I cant even get lucky that way! Im constantly being told by people 'dont ask men out'. They say it scares them off. I've really only gone that route once and it didnt work due to the situation but it wasnt a disaster like some of these. Maybe I should just ignore all these men; and just ask out the ones I like since they dont apparently ever look my way? |
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Date: 2/18/2008 9:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
ok maybe I misunderstood what you meant by this statement "The men I like never make a move on me and Im told not to make a move on them"...you meant as far as asking you out?? There is nothing wrong with approaching someone and initiating a conversation and if it moves along nicely asking for a phone number or to meet up sometime for drinks or a meal..and maybe someone not looking your way is more shy than anything, or maybe you seem unapproachable for whatever reason..I have a sister like that,she's beautiful but is hardly approached..and my male friends tell me that it's because she puts out this invisible yet penetrating "Stay away" force...and it's because she won't admit it but she's still hung up on her ex..and you could be doing the same..you need to forget the guy you still have feelings for because maybe it's preventing you from meeting others |
Date: 3/3/2008 7:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I think what people mean when they say "just wait for it" is not that you should just, like-- sit in the middle of the floor and wait and then men will come flocking to you. We know this is ridiculous-- you can't be passive and expect things to just happen for you. You have to be proactive-- you have to go out and participate in the world and meet people and pursue connections with them. I think what it really means is that maybe you're focusing on the wrong thing. You're focusing on external, superficial things, like-- what do I have to do or say to meet the right kind of guy? Should I try a different night club? If I lose 50 pounds will they like me? What you need to do is look inward, worry less about hooking up with guys and more about being happy with yourself exactly as you are, being satisfied with the way your life is headed and that you are a person living according to values that are important to you and accomplishing things that really matter to you. You have to be truly happy, to the point where you can say that you don't need a romantic partner to be happy. And then you will start attracting the right kind of people, because happy people are very,very attractive.  |
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