Date: 1/24/2008 10:37:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30051
I knew the teenage years would be hard  |
Date: 1/24/2008 10:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 56293
Absolutely follow through. If you don't, he won't take it seriously the next time.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 10:46:00 AM
From Authorid: 11097
Hi SeVen noooo it is never too late and especially with your son. His is only 13 huh? First thing I would look into is his friends. Instead of punishing him or threatening him or pleading with him [because it doesnt seem to work] is talk to him. Sit him down and honestly talk to him like he were an adult. That might get through to him more then anything else. Show him respect and space. If he does something don't get mad at him... tell him you are disappointed you expected better or more from him. Start putting his behavior as his responsibility. Tell him things you went through so he can relate to you. All in all try to get a better relationship [not that you don't have one] with him as he is growing and changing. If he does something completely out of control then I would really think about restrictions. Smoking at 13... everyone has done something stupid like this before... tell him the effects and that it won't attract girls or make him look tough it will only hurt him in the long run and show him what can happen through pictures or stories. Good luck and remember to tell him you love him and praise him on the positive things and don't give up on him. (((hugs)))  |
Date: 1/24/2008 10:47:00 AM
From Authorid: 64414
take him to the nearest Cancer Center and force him ot volunteer every weekend for a month.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 10:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 4231
I would follow through, and remain firm with your Son. Although this may be a difficult time for you, you need to really lay out the Child/Parent boundaries and stick to your guns. If you don't he will not take anything you say seriously. I am sorry to hear about this situation. He is getting to the age where he is easily influenced, and this influence can come from school, and the friends he hangs around with. Although you cannot monitor him 24/7 I would make it clear you are not supportive of the decisions he is making. Being 13, I would think about having a person of strong authority speak with him. A Police Officer perhaps, and have the officer talk to him about the legalities of an underage kid smoking. Kids can't comprehend the true dangers as they feel invincible at such a young age. sit down and talk as a family about it. you mentioned he stole your lighter? I assume that you probably smoke, perhaps maybe consider quitting yourself? Lead by example, and show him the right way. NEVER throw in the towel with your children, its the worst thing you can do, because although you feel its hard to contend with it, if you stay strict, although you arn't the "cool" mom, he will respect you and your husband like a child should respect their parents. ESPECIALLY when he is older. I know I am only 22, but I am talking from personal experience here. If you need to talk or get more advice please dont hesitate to contact me. God bless, and good luck -- Hang in there -- It's just a faze.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 11:44:00 AM
From Authorid: 53284
Do you and/or your husband smoke?  |
Date: 1/24/2008 11:50:00 AM
From Authorid: 61977
I started smoking when I was 11, and I still smoke. My parents of course did not want me smoking, but of course they were smokers too. I will say that they tried, but they gave up after they knew I was going to do it anyway. I wish you good luck. But it will be hard to get him to stop unless you 1.) are not a smoker yourself, 2.) Quit yourself, and 3.) don't give up. Good Luck  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 11:50:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30051
Thanks for all the advise..and yes..I know I am a hypocrite as I do smoke...Some may think it's all my fault..I do..But I tell him do as I say not as I do. |
Date: 1/24/2008 12:17:00 PM
From Authorid: 53838
I know this will sound like I am your Mother but.... Have you thought about quitting your self. There is nothing like a good example??? Love your Mother  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 12:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30051
Yes Mom..I have thought about quitting..That's not the point..Grrrrrr. Thanks for the advise. I'm sure that will fix everything. |
Date: 1/24/2008 12:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 10657
Always follow through with your consequences if, you don't then they will just run over top of you. Your husband should also talk to him as sometimes dad's view is taken more than a mom's view Get him active in a sport or karate or anything like that he will soon realize in a sport smoking isn't good for you Does he think smoking is okay because, you do it?? It's kind of hard to tell our children not to do something yet we do it ourselves. I am not berating you as I too am a smoker that hopes to quit before my children realize it was just a thought It's like when you were a teen if, your parents told you not to do something you would do the opposite. ((hugs))  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 12:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 53838
where are you???? Your no where to be found?????!!!! Whats the SeVen for |
Date: 1/24/2008 1:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 63366
As others have said, you are a smoker (so am I). By being a smoker, a 13yr old sees it as they smoke why can’t I? You also have to remember yourself at that age (you were invincible) nothing could do you harm. He also sees the only people he really knows and admires smoking so therefore he wants to emulate your actions, so he can be just like you. Now that being said; you should stop smoking in the house and also around him and then you should quit altogether. Lets face it you are coming off like a hypocrite in his eyes even if he doesn’t know the meaning of hypocrite. While you quit also share the symptoms and feelings of quitting. Maybe they will help him to understand the true form of addiction that you are facing and it might just scare him enough to quit on his own.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 1:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
I think you should quit smoking for you own health but not to set an example for him in this case. There are things adults can do that children cannot. If an adult catches a 13 year old drinking alcohol they don't generally quit drinking to show the child that drinking is bad, they say they can drink when they're of legal age. Where is he getting the cigarettes? Who in his group of friends also smokes, if they do? Why does he feel the need to smoke, what is he getting from it? Is it fulfilling something that's missing from his life or give him a high that's fulfilling something that's missing? I'd be asking questions like that. Cigarettes can be a gateway to other things especially at his age and the most important thing, imo, is to find out what it is that makes him feel the need to do it. He should have consequences but punishment many times does nothing but make them find better ways to hide the things they shouldn't be doing. Open honest communication, for him to know he can come to you with things that are bothering him. I'd make him write an essay on his reasons for doing it, why he started, when he started, where he gets them, and why he continues, etc., and an essay on the dangers of smoking, but that's just me.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 1:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
Cory I started smoking at 13 got grounded, lost privileges but I still found a way of having a ciggie and my parents didn't smoke, but some of my friends did. I stopped smoking 21yrs ago after many years of smoking, the best decision I ever made in my life and wished I had listened to my parents, but hey, the more we are told to NOT do something for some reason it seems to be a go ahead sign to do it....but go through with whatever your threat is and let him see that you mean business, it may get through to him eventually...and it might be a good idea when you do smoke to not let him see you doing it, you know, show him by example...and good luck!!  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 2:13:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30051
I would never smoke around my children..and we have had many heart to hearts about this..Im not a bad mom. He says he started because his dad (my ex) was always so hard on him. He's been smoking for over a year now, im trying my best |
Date: 1/24/2008 2:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 26303
This should be the perfect motivation for you and he to give up together. I'm not saying its your fault he smokes, but he will not take you seriously, and he will lose a little respect when you still smoke. I gave up eventually because my kids hated me smoking, and I thought to myself, if I'm smoking and they take it up, I've got no where to turn. I gave it up, and at this point my two, although only almost 16 and almost 13 haven't bothered. I know thats not to say they won't, but now I've got a leg to stand on if they argue over it. Both my parents smoked, so when I took it up I chose not to listen to their lectures. This is just my opinion, what you do about this is entirely up to you. Good luck no matter what. I hope this turn out.  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 2:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 36704
You're not a bad mom. If you were a bad mom you wouldn't care if your child smoked or not and you wouldn't have him in counseling or be trying to help him. My reason for having him write, was not that you might not have known the stuff already but that sometimes writing is cathartic. A person is less inhibited while writing than they are talking face to face. They have more time to think about the questions and sometimes when something is down on writing a person is more apt to make a connection/have an epiphany. Also, sometimes writing is better at purging emotions. You can have him write things about his dad that bother him or things in his life that he is having problems with and when he's done burn the paper with him to signify a "fresh start" or even just rip the paper up. You can keep doing that until those issues are completely dealt with. It can apply to anyone having a difficult time dealing with things/emotions and not just for this. |
Date: 1/24/2008 3:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 7830
I dont blame you for him smoking. Kids arent always going to follow their parents when it comes to smoking. My mom smoked my whole life, and neither my brother or I smoke. I dont really know what advice to give you here. When my brother and I were little my mom made us each take a big puff of a cigarette and it made us both so ill we didnt want to go near cigs again LOL. I really hope you can find some way to get him to stop.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 3:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 64498
Definantly follow through with what you said let him know you mean business!! See if you can get some pictures of what smoking does to the body.. But you are not too late KEEP UP THE FIGHT!! - Bunny Mom  |
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Date: 1/24/2008 3:42:00 PM
From Authorid: 53838
Cory, Your not a bad MOm don't ever even think that. I've seen you with your kids you are a good Mom. I only said to quit so you would think about it. Smoking or not smoking will not change the facts about weather or not Tyson will smoke. Like he said he had it pretty rough with his Dad |
Date: 1/24/2008 4:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
Call the cancer society in your area and have them mail you some videos and brochures of what people go through and look like when they die of cancer from smoking..that should do it.  |
Date: 1/24/2008 7:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
I too started to smoke when I was 11, and yes I still smoke, I know I shouldnt but I enjoy smoking. I don't know what to tell you to do, as yes I went through my kids smoking too. They were not allowed to smoke in front of me, so that did cut down on some of their smoking. My boys when they were caught smoking, my husband gave each of them a plug of chew and told them if they could finish that then they could smoke. Well they did finish it, went pea green, threw their guts up, and in the long run still started to smoke a few years later. So its hard with kids and I find the more big deal that is made of it the worse they want to. All of my kids smoke, "they are all in their late twenties and early 30's now" but I don't think they smoke a half a pack a day between them and their husbands, the daughter in laws don't smoke. Well Millie does once in a blue moon. My son bob stopped for almost three years, but recently started up again. Good luck is all I can say. Do what YOU feel you need to do, as all kids are different and all moms are. So really any advice any of us give, is just that, in the long run you have to do what you have to do.  |
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Date: 1/25/2008 12:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 30051
Thank you for all of your replies..I know we'll get through this. |
