Reflections: R.I.P. My Sadness 2003-2007 >VG<

This story is sort of me just rambling, so forgive me if it doesn't really flow properly. I have been thinking lately, and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.



For the longest time, I've been struggling through life. That, obviously, was no secret to anybody who knew me. I kept on keeping on, but I just wasn't happy. As a matter of fact, I could pinpoint down to the exact month the last time I was happy:



July 2003. Lia and I were visiting some of her relatives in Florida. It was the last time our relationship was perfect.



I mean nothing against Lia at all, so I apologize in advance if it comes off that way. When we got home from that trip, my life went into a downward spiral.



Lia's parents were going through a divorce, and Lia didn't know how to handle it. Her instinctive reaction was to take it out on the closest thing to her: me.



At that point, we were in the beginning stages of planning our wedding. We had a date (August 4th, 2004) and location (Saint-Gaudens National Historic Site, West Lebanon, N.H.) all planned out, and we had a notebook in which we were starting a guest-list.



However, that all never came to be, obviously. After months of being in a mentally-abusive relationship, I moved out in November 2003 to give Lia the space she needed to work things out. Less than a month later, she ends our relationship over AOL Instant Messenger on December 1, 2003. I have that date burnt into my memory because I wrote a poem (Down II: http://www.unsolvedmysteries.com/usm364537.html) that day; I still have the original copy of that poem.



Once again, Lia didn't mean to hurt me and has apologized many times since, so I do not blame her for these circumstances.



From December 1, 2003 I entered a deep depression. June 2004 I decided there was nothing for me in the N.H./V.T.-area, so I moved down to M.A.



From the time I was there until I was forced to move back one year later, I was miserable. Thinking there was nothing for me in N.H. was the most wrong thought I've ever had. I left all my friends behind, and I regret that to this very day; even more so since Justin passed in a car-accident this past February. I cannot stop thinking about all that extra time I could have had with him if I never left.



Coming back from M.A., August 2005, I moved in with my sister's then-boyfriend in Burlington, V.T. It was a new surrounding, but I still wasn't happy. Three months after living there (and the one-year anniversary of losing my uncle to a car-accident, I was told by my work that I couldn't get a single day off for Thanksgiving or Christmas to spend it with my family. So, I put in my two-weeks notice and moved back home.



Finally back home in November 2005, I haven't had a steady home since. To run a quick list:



November 2005-May 2006: Lived with my parents.



May 2006-January 2007: My parents had a "trial separation" -- Lived with my friend Chris, his girlfriend Windy, and Windy's mother



January 2007-March 2007: Chris and Windy bought a house -- Lived with my friend Steve, his sister, and his sister's fiance.



March 2007-April 2007: My friend Kim "rescued me" from living on Steve's couch. Lived with Kim, her husband Larry, and Larry's mother. Larry's mother kicked me out for not cleaning their lawn without even telling me where the trashbags to do so where -- lame.



April 2007-September 2007: Lived with my uncle and aunt. They only cared about two things: Themselves and money. They kicked me out for drinking a can of their soda.



September 2007-Present: Live in an unheated camper on a different aunt's (IcedCaveman's mother's) lawn. It's cold, but it's a roof over my head.



Okay, now that we're caught up on that, let's get back on subject. November 2006, for like a week I "dated" my second-ever girlfriend, Jessica. I'm not sure why, but she broke up with me over e-mail before anything really happened.



I'm finally back in touch with my friends, but it's been over a year since I had a job.



February 2007, still don't have a job. I get a call from my brother one day. He tells me my friend -- his co-worker -- Justin died in a car-accident when an elderly gentlemen has a diabetic coma while driving, causing him to swerve over the double-line and hit Justin head-on.



At his wake, all of my friends and I gathered around the open-casket. The feeling of togetherness was tangible in the air. We were -- and still are -- family.



Then enter Heather. She was dating my friend, John, so we invited her into our family. Okay, whatever. After her and John broke up however, she went after my friend Ben. Ben had just broken up with his girlfriend, and somehow Heather had it planted in his head that it was all my friend Chris's fault or something. I don't know the story. All I know is Chris and Ben went from family, to enemies -- over absolutely nothing. Heather's out of the picture now, but the damage she did is still here.



In the mean time, I finally get a job in April 2007.



July 2007, I started talking to this girl, Nikki, in February 2007, and even though we both admitted we had feelings for each other, she kept insisting we stay just friends. Feeling rejected, and still depressed from December 2003 onwards, I was venting to my "ex" Jessica, and she admitted that Nikki was missing out and that her, herself, never should have broken up with me. Jessica and I enter a real relationship this time. I admit it, Jessica made me feel kinda happy -- but the sadness was still deep inside.



August 2007. Jessica breaking up with me over MySpace. She tells me she lied about her age, that she was actually 16, and her mother was making her break up with me. Later on, I find out that she lied about lying about her age (I know, my head is spinning, too). Did she lie about her mother making her break up with me? I still don't know. More depression. I'm cold and lonely in this unheated camper.



August or September 2007. This girl, Kate, keeps coming into where I work (Irving Oil's Bluecanoe truckstop/convenient store). My co-worker Mykeal and I always talk to her -- originally because she is a fan of the Insane Clown Posse, much like Mykeal and I are.



It turns out that Kate is a friend of my cousin, IcedCaveman. They went to school together. Kate and I talk a lot at work -- and even hang out outside of work a lot.



September 2007: Turns out Kate had a crush on me, and bringing up all the courage she has, she asks me to be her boyfriend. I agree, and Kate and I become a couple.



Since then, I have met her family, she has met some of mine, and both families seem to really like both of us.



Present: Even though I am in an unheated camper, I have a steady job and a great girlfriend. Kate really makes me happy; like July 2003 happy. It's a feeling that I haven't felt in so long that I almost forgot it existed. I had an epiphany yesterday that I was indeed finally happy for the first time in four years and four months. When I'm with her, all feels "right" in the world. It's a great feeling, and I hope it never ends. Kate and I are looking into getting an apartment together -- to get me out of my current living situation. As a general rule of life, I never even consider marriage until I've been with somebody for one year (as a matter of fact, I proposed to Lia on our one-year anniversary back in 2002.), but Kate is definitely somebody I can see myself growing old with.



Thanks for reading.



>Vampyre Gerbil<

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