A warning for those who want to lose weight...

I've posted on it before. And maybe someday I'll post on it again. But I really REALLY want to convey an important messgae to anyone out there who is overweight; who wants to lose weight; or has lost weight. This is THE key to being thin and healthy. And if you ignore it you will end up right back where you were...just like I did.

I was a heavy kid. I was abused verbally and physically which gave me mental issues. The one kind person to me was my Grandmother who heavy herself always found food the medicine. My mother had severe eating issues...she was constantly dieting and trying to be thinner. She's 5'4, 43 years old, and squeezing herself into size 3 jeans despite a meduim frame and sagging skin. That kinda sums up her life right there.

As a teen no one helped and it just made matters worse. At age 13 I know I weighed my heaviest. I was probably 5'3 and 210lbs. I may have been heavier a little prior to that but I didnt weigh myself a lot so Im not sure. Kids made my life a living hell and I just ate more. A really bad bender I can remember was one day I ate a whole box of poptarts, two boxes of seasoned rice, a whole loaf of garlic bread, 2 bowls of cereal, and Im sure more but I cant remember it all. This didnt concern anyone apparently...

So I had an overeating disorder and an emotional eating disorder. I was vaguely aware of it but I was only 16...what could I do about it? No one understood or wanted to help...not too mention I was living with aforementioned grandmother.

I eventually willed myself to loose the weight. I was never a big exerciser and I didnt understand calories. So I learned and went on a 1200 calorie diet. I could eat over that amount but I had to exercise it off until I had only eaten 1200. It worked: within a year I was down from 190 to 140. Didnt matter...I never fixed WHY I had become heavy or why I was becoming thin. Within a year I had gained back 10lbs. I decided to move several states away to a big city to change up life. I gained another 10lbs within the following year.

I wanted to be thin to do music my lifes goal. I thought boys would like me and people would be nicer to me. This was partly true but I learned its more a confidence thing then a weight thing (to a point). Boys still didnt like me and it broke my heart. Someone I liked VERY much in essence fake numbered me. I was about 160-165 by this point. I thought he rejected me because I wasnt good looking enough. 'Why bother?' I thought and with that the brakes came off. By the end of the year (I was now 19) I had gained a full 10lbs since my move. If only I had known he had done that because he had a GF at the time...not because of how I looked. I didnt learn that until a few months ago...you have no clue the difference that woulda made.

Anyways so by the beginning of 2007 the wheels had officially come off. My best friends had all moved away and so had that troublesome boy. I was still having trouble securing a job and everyone around me was acting like I didnt exist. By my 20th bday this year I had gained another 10lbs. That means by my 20th bday I weighed 185lbs...5lbs short of where I had BEGUN years before.

My bday was hell. By this point all my remaining friends betrayed me and begun treating me like crap. My mother threw a mental trip on me which I dont wanna go into details on but lets just say days after my bday I really thought about killing myself for the first time in maybe 7 years. Probably the realest I've ever contemplated it. I was in the shower playing Back to Black on repeat at 4am and I couldnt stop crying. The razor looked really tempting. I did nothing for the record but it scared me very badly. I realized SOMETHING had to change.

Ironically with my new change on life somethings got worse. My friends made a grand finale out of betraying me but it didnt get me down...I had changes I was making in my life. I decided to move again this time to a major city, and that I would begin doing music again. I would also cut out all those people who had been horrid to me including those dear former friends.

And I did. It killed me to a point but I realized those people are no longer who I thought they were. And I moved and so far (its very early on admittedly so) its been WONDERFUL. Im not over that troublesome boy but I will never let anything involving ANY man bother me so much again...theres always something more behind every action.

The whole point of this long post was simply this: if you intend or have lost or are trying to loose weight then you need to make sure you have some sort of mental support and help for it. There is a REASON you are/were so heavy and its nothing to be ashamed of. But if you dont CURE that reason then you WILL regain the weight. This can go on SEVERAL times and trust me loosing it once is hard imagine doing it TWICE or THREE TIMES!

And to gain it back is not only unhealthy but also devastating. Now you have all these great clothes and pictures of when you were thin and you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT. You have reasons for your issues whatever they may be and they must be worked on or it will NEVER be better.

I mean heck even if your only heavy due to an outrageous situation then being overweight is mentally hard in and of itself. People treat you like crap, clothes shopping is hard, and you definitly have trouble seeing yourself through realistic eyes (be you thin or heavy).

I just beg you wherever you are on your weight loosing journey to address these issues. Ever since the beginning of this year and especially after my shower incident I've gone to great lengths to exam things in my life and why they are they way they are. Im doing my best. And Im well aware I could fall again if Im not careful. For now I hope I can just loose the weight again and maintain the sanity I have found...

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