Date: 5/17/2007 7:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 20977
You just need to go with your heart. You can be with her, just don't give up your dreams for anyone.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 7:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 12103
I think I'd take a step back here. I know you care about this girl, but there is no point in throwing your life away for some girl you are hardly seeing and her baby. It might be cruel, but your not responsible for this child. Perhaps just maintain a friendship with her. Even though she shouldnt be with this ex of hers (from the sound of it, him being abusive) I'd give THAT time. For HER to get over him. After all, they were JUST together.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 7:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 63026
wow i don't know what to say Jester. I know where your coming from about that feeling, but that feeling can go away, don't give up on your dream of teaching. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that things work out.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 8:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 12072
If you want to be a teacher, DO IT. If you're still with her, you'll have a better career in four years and be able to help support her then, but if you don't go now and things don't work out, who knows where you'll be in four years. But also be sure to follow your heart  |
Date: 5/17/2007 8:17:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 22080
i have 5 years left in my degree  |
Date: 5/17/2007 8:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 39258
In this situation, I think the best thing you can do is be friends. Continue with school and your life, but still have her be a part of yours. Be there for her emotionally, as a friend. If she is having financial problems, tell her to go after the father for child support. She shouldn't depend on you for that type of help and hopefully she's not expecting that. I think overall, you should be her friend right now and be there for her when she needs you.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 8:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 61966
It's great that you want to be there for her but in my opinion, you should just be her friend. You really wouldn't want to mess up your future plans of teaching just to get some bad job, trying to support her and her child.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 9:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 42519
Oh my god where is peoples hearts? Granted, you hung out today, and you realize how much you care about her, why did you part in the first place? If you were happy together and your parting was nither one of your fault, I see no reason in not continuing on with what was before, but don't force the relationship upon her or yourself. If she is just getting over the jerk she was with before, eventually she will come around. If you care for this girl, NEVER let the fact she is pregnant with another mans child interfere with your decision. You are only 20 and you have a carrier to invest in and any woman who backs her man up understands that, as should be the same visa verca. Look at the points here. 1. You are really starting to see how much she means to you. 2. You have no ties yet. You are not married, you are not the father, and you dont live together. 3. Your life is your responcibility until one of those things happen. 4. You don't have to commit to anything until your ready. So dont let the fact that she is pregnant deny you from persuing happiness. If she wants you to take care of her and pay her way, then she's not worth it. If she is working, making her own way, taking care of heself and her child by getting medicade and going to doctors appointments, theres no reason she should need you to take care of her. As for the being a father sinario, your going for a teaching degree. You want to be a teacher to touch the lives and minds of the youth of tomorrow, and the only difference is that they are not your children and you have five years to get used to the idea, as compared to although the child could have been yours, had things gone different, and you have 6 months to think about it. Is the fact that the child isn't yours make you hesitate, or are you watching out for your own future and your future has to be secured before you will start living another life? Will you deny her simply because she is pregnant? Or will you look into her soul, see if she wont keep you from your dreams and ambitions and try to force fatherhood upon you. Will she support you in your decisions and be everything you want in a woman, pregnant or not? What is holding you back. You dont want to be a dad? I dont know exactly how to end this reply, so i will just stop............  |
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Date: 5/17/2007 9:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 42519
I guess you have to be an unwed mother to be fortunate enough to not have your man bail out when the news brewed to have something hit someone so hard. |
Date: 5/17/2007 9:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 15070
listen to Buffy Jestr, and follow your Heart. Good luck to you.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 10:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 22628
I'm 20 too. Been in a similar situation. Go for what makes you happy and talk this over with her so you know you arent alone in your feelings.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 10:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 62146
Follow your heart.... those are the only words I need to say.  |
Date: 5/17/2007 10:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 12862
Go with your heart. If she makes you happy, then be with her. You don't have to give up you dreams to be with her.  |
Date: 5/18/2007
From Authorid: 62099
let her live her life, and you live yours. you are young, date the girl, and take it slow, no need to jump in and play the role of a LEE press-on daddy, or becoming the breadwinner for her. dating doesnt require a serious lunge on your part, start slow and easy, and let your relationship grow in a healthy way. my worries for you, the kids. if you get involved with her, and the kid(S?) become attached to you, then you are taking on a responsibility that you probably wont be ready for...but you will do whatever you choose, and it will be right, because it will be your choice.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 1:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 30051
Buffy said it beyond well..There's nothing to add or take away from her words..  |
Date: 5/18/2007 6:21:00 AM
From Authorid: 47218
You need to focus on your future first. You're no good to Keara or anyone else if you give up your goals and do something that doesn't make you happy just to get by from day to day...eventually, you'll be miserable, and, if things go sour between you and Keara (more likely to happen if you hate your job) you'll resent her for it. Besides, you might be able to make more money in the short term working than being a full-time student, but in the long-term your earning potential is so much better with a college degree, it would be a waste. As for getting involved with a mother with a child-- as if you've figured out, it's not a decision to be taken lightly. Not saying you shouldn't do it, just that it's something you shouldn't just jump into. Either way, you can always be her friend.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 8:02:00 AM
From Authorid: 4995
I would not pursue this. A man shows his true colors when it comes to fatherhood and you are still young and havent sown your wild oats yet. How do you think she's going to feel having a baby while you are out carousing around? You might think and say you wont do that now...but it happens every time. And I mean EVERY time. Save you both some heartache. Distance yourself. Peace.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 8:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 53284
Continue with your education. You can be friends with the girl and/or baby when that happens. If your relationship is going to happen then let it happen slowly. Whatever you do, don't as you put it throw away your life. You need to have job skills or your won't be able to help yourself let alone anyone else.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 8:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 6915
Run. Fast.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 9:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 19586
Do not let your heart get in the way of pursuing your dreams. I am in no way saying the relationship is wrong. But in all honesty relationships come and go. She needs to get and stay away from the other man. If you give up your dream of school for someone, you may never be able to go back.  |
Date: 5/18/2007 10:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 60992
Live life the way you want. Follow your heart, if you follow your heart that will include your dreams. Dreams are apart of your heart. There is a balance to be seen, you can persue to be a teacher while going out with the girl. Best thing I can say is talk to the girl. Follow your heart though you don't want to end up one day thinking "what if??" for the rest of your life  |
Date: 5/18/2007 8:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 7115
The funny thing about love is that it can happen to anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances. That being said, if you truly care for this girl, then by all means do what will make you happy. But it doesn't mean you have to compromise your career aspirations at the same time. Take it slow and see how handling a relationship while still being in school plays out. One thing you need to think about though before you let yourself get close to her. She's gonna have a baby in six months. As is the case with most mothers (or at least I would hope it is the case), the second that baby is born, it immediately becomes the top priority in the mother's life (if it isn't already). She may not have the focus to be in a relationship and be thinking about anyone but her child. At the same time, she may feel the need for a father figure in her child's life and may look to you for that role, without being fully committed to you emotionally. All I'm saying is be careful, but do what makes you happy. Just weigh your options and think everything through and through first. Look at best case scenarios and worst case scenarios and plan how you'll react accordingly. Talk to her, see if she can handle a relationship with another man while also blossoming this new relationship with her child. It is not fair to you to be placed second, but it isn't fair to the baby either to be second. Good luck with everything.  |
Date: 5/19/2007 4:19:00 AM
From Authorid: 55689
I think buffy said it best. all the best jestr =)
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Date: 5/19/2007 8:30:00 AM
From Authorid: 42519
Boy, and I was just ranting. Looks like the majority of everyone has said the same thing. Follow your heart, but dont ruin your education. Let us know how it brews. |
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Date: 5/23/2007 7:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 22080
ok so nullify this post. i basically got used and now i am $200 closer to no money in my bank for the next 3 weeks. she was still with him, just bored and had no way to get out and do stuff while she was visiting her mom. |
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Date: 5/23/2007 4:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
ouch. That sucks. well...at least she's showed her true colors and you don't have to waste anymore of your time or money on her. |
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Date: 5/23/2007 4:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 53284
Painful life lesson #612. But $200 bucks was cheap. You learned something and with this knowledge you'll be that much better prepared for life. |
