Ode By An Obese Girl

I stare into the mirror
I will the reflection to change
But no matter how long I look
Everything about me looks strange

My thighs are far too wide
My stomach sticks out too far
The stretch marks look like a skin disease
My proportions are just bizarre

I cover up all skin
I hope that I can hide
I'm hideous, nobody should have to see one inch of me
They wouldn't be able to see past the outside

I break down, hoping to feel some release
But every tear stabs my soul, my heart
I smash my fist into the mirror
It changes nothing, but it feels like a start

The blood from my fist trickles down my arm
"Bleed this poison out of me" I think out loud
I let myself focus on the physical pain
"Just focus on the stinging. It's okay. It's all allowed."

My fantasy world doesn't exist anymore
There seems to be not even momentary release
The emotions overcome me, yet still I'm simply there
Depressed, Angry, Ugly ... Obese


*by CaitieAnjel 6/14/06

So, this is a very serious subject for me to be writing about. It's depressing, it's disturbing, but I feel that it's an accurate portrayal of how people, young women especially, feel about themselves and their bodies. At least, I know this is how it feels for me. And it's not just a teenage girl's "Oh I'm so fat. I really want to lose 3 pounds." I've been diagnosed as obese. I gained 85 pounds in a matter of 5 months due to depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, and the medications I was on. It's hard to deal with. So I write about it. It's the only release I can find. I know some of you understand. Anyway, thank you for reading.

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